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Superior Parents and Sanctimommies

Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies

My friend has a toddler who is a month older than my daughter. Every time we have a play date, she is constantly commenting about how my daughter eats really well and follows directions without fussing. For example: my DD will eat her whole lunch, regardless of what it is, without prompting, while her DD will only nibble ‘kid safe food’ after excessive bribing. I never mention it. When she brings it up, I usually just shrug. I know that all kids are different, and I was blessed with an incredibly responsive and easy DD.

Another area she’s always commenting about, is how well DD sleeps. DD goes to bed at 7:00pm every night, and wakes up around 6:00am. She also has a two hour nap around 10:30. She constantly commenting about how her DD will stay up until 10 or 11am, wakes up multiple times a night, gets up around 7am, and spends most of naptime fighting sleep.  

She posted on facebook that she was still having trouble getting her DD to sleep through the night. One of her first comments was that she doesn’t know what to do with her DD. She then mentioned she has friends who have kids the same age as her DD, who go sleep early and sleep like a rock through the night. Someone else commented and started going on about “sanctimommies” who lie about their kids so that they could be “superior parents” and how my friend should cut those friends out of her life.

It just made me think about other people’s definitions of sanctimommies. While most people are adamant that all kids are different, why do they try to dismiss the abilities of kids who get things early and easier than others? Why do people assume that a parent is a sanctimommy if their toddler eats sushi, or their one year old sleeps through the night, or their child was able to potty train in a day, or their three year old can read? I can understand if someone is bragging about their accomplishments, but I don’t think factually stating what a child can do or the child’s habits makes their parent “superior.

Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 4, 2016 at 10:47 AM
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Replies (1-7):
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 4, 2016 at 12:19 PM
by Silver Member on Aug. 4, 2016 at 12:24 PM

Some folks are just insecure and/or immature. 

Someone else suceeding in an area where I'm struggling doesn't have any relationship at all, except in my own head. 

by Wino on Aug. 4, 2016 at 12:24 PM
I don't think it's an accomplishment if you're lucky to have a good sleeper or eater.

My son was an awful sleeper. Didn't sleep through the night until he was 2 and dropped naps. My daughter (2 months) sleeps Like a log even as a newborn was sleeping through the night. It's 9:30 and she's still sleeping- went to bed at 9 pm. I'm lucky this time that's all.
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 4, 2016 at 12:29 PM
They're being ridiculous. You're only a sanctimommy if you are saying when your kid sleeps then saying it's because you are so superior and they just can't do things right. Some kids are naturally better at some things than others. The worst mom in the world can only screw up a good kid so much and the best mom in the world can't fix a kid who is just naturally bad at something.

I have one kid who was chatting in full sentences by age 1 and will only eat vegetables under duress and another who didn't use full sentences until age 3 and whose favorite snacks are carrots and raw broccoli. Didn't do things all that differently.
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2016 at 12:30 PM
Having good eaters is definitely related to good parenting, but having fussy eaters doesn't necessarily mean bad parenting.

Sleeping seems to have little to do with parenting, and I'm learning that potty training is more varied than I ever thought. My first potty trained in a matter of days before he was 3; my second is unconcerned with it despite my best efforts over the last eight months and is 3 1/2. Ugh.
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2016 at 12:34 PM

i'd just ignore it.

I have 4 kids.  My youngest was sleeping through the night at 5 weeks old. ALWAYS slept easily - then when she was 9 months old, started deciding that 3 am was "morning."  For 3 months she did this - I'd put her in her playpen and half the time end up falling asleep on the recliner.  She also ate just about anything I put in front of her.  Now at 21 - she sleeps the day away, but won't go to sleep until VERY late (or early as the case may be).

Another one of mine NEVER slept.  She hated sleeping.  Fought it every night.  Scfreamed through every bath from the one in the hospital until she was 3, which it magically stopped.  She takes hour long showers, and has NO problem sleeping anymore.

My son DID potty train in a day.  He went to daycare, and complained about wearing diapers one day.  I told him if he would go in the potty (he was 22 months old), he wouldn't need diapers.  He looked at me with an "aha!" moment - and was trained like that.

Those things were not "me."  They were them.  And ultimately, as adults, none of it really matters.

by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2016 at 12:42 PM

I think some things have to do with parenting... and some people are much better at it than others.

But I also know a lot has to do do with the individual child...  my kids are polar opposites in every way... our son (our first) is and always has been a very easy kid like your daughter)... our daughter is extremely difficult and everything is a fight with her.  They are parented exactly the same... same rules and expectations. 

I do think that parents sometimes exaggerate their child's ability and often brag... but it's because they are proud (as they should be).  And some people might think they are lying, because it's so far out of their own reality.

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