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I'm ending a 14 year marriage over my estranged step-daughter

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 24 Replies
Some of you may remember me. I'm the mom with the SD that's in foster care. I posted before how she was disrespectful to me in my own home and DH wasn't doing anything about it because he didn't want her to choose to stay with her foster parents. She's 16. I posted again how she was having sex in my house and I just walked out and let her at it.

When she's over I feel like a stranger in my own home. She's allowed to break every rule of the house with no consequences. She constantly insults my faith by either speaking about how she thinks it's all "bullshit" or she wears offensive clothing with "Hail Satan" or other things on them. When I told you guys about that last time you all hated me for not letting her do what she wants. Well now I do. I hardly speak to her when she's here. If she wants to invite boys over while her dad is at work, I let her. She knows I have no power over her. DS and I just leave the house to her and hope she doesn't burn it down.

DH agrees she's out of control but doesn't want to be the bad guy so he won't say anything to her. Instead he complains to me about her.

I found out I'm pregnant 2 weeks ago. I haven't even told DH yet. I just know I don't want to raise another child in this environment. I figure I'll tell him as I'm giving him the divorce papers.

I love my husband so much and I wish I didn't feel like it has to come to this. I just have to get out for my sake and the sake of my children.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:14 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:16 AM
That's no way to live so I understand leaving. But I hope you're not doing this hoping it'll get a reaction enough for him to change his mind. Because at some point down the line he'll resent you making him choose.
Ms_Smock
by Gold Member on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:18 AM
Sorry but glad you can get out for the children and for you, sorry it had to come to this :(
Amy.4362
by Bronze Member on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:19 AM

I don't blame you for leaving. There's no control of his child. I'm sorry. 

couture-mommy
by 8.21.1831 on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:19 AM
1 mom liked this
I'm sorry.
That must be a horribly and painfully hard decision.
I don't blame you tho
mommyakabooby
by Silver Member on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:20 AM

Only you know what you can accept, if you can't do it than you just can't do it. An out of control teenager with no discipline in the same house with little ones...hell no. I did that once, never again. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:21 AM
1 mom liked this
I remember you. Listen I know you want to get out now but that's not the answer. Your kids will still have to visit that house without you. Do you want that? I don't know why your husband is allowing this girl to play with him for so long. Either fight to have full custody and set some rules for her or let her continue to be a tramp at her foster parent's house and let them adopt her like they want to. He can still see her but at least she won't be tearing up the whole family.
awelling
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:21 AM
Sorry. I feel horrible for you. You have to make the best decision for you and your family. Hope everything works out.
DisabledVet
by Ruby Member on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:21 AM

He'll eventually figure out what a disservice he did to his daughter. 

You know if he finds out you're pregnant he'll want to be in that child's life and you won't escape his influence. 

CONane110
by on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:21 AM
2 moms liked this
I don't agree with letting any minor doing whatever they want and that Hail Satan shirt would have been gone. As for the other behavior issues the whole point of being a parent is molding a child into being a productive adult, your husband is not doing her any favors by condoning, or ignoring, bad behavior.

Do you have any other children and have you ever discussed being a united front for any children you might have together?
SAHMJC
by Emerald Member on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:22 AM
He may realize what an ass he is being and finally tell his daughter that she will either respect every single rule or get out. But if he does that he has no right to resent her in the future for it. She is not insisting he makes that choice she is removing herself from a situation that is not healthy for her or her children.

Quoting Anonymous 2: That's no way to live so I understand leaving. But I hope you're not doing this hoping it'll get a reaction enough for him to change his mind. Because at some point down the line he'll resent you making him choose.
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