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Covering up suicide

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies
My husbands relative(17 yrs old) killed herself this past week.

His family does not want it discussed on social media and doesn't want people to know. The girls mothers reason is because she doesn't want people coming up to her saying how sorry they are. They even said they will not hold a big funeral, just their immediate family.

I know I shouldn't judge in a time of grief but I just don't feel good about this. The girl was very popular and involved in the community. I know a lot of people would want to attend and do things to remember her life.

But I also understand that some people just want privacy during this time. I feel bad for all involved, especially the girls siblings. Her younger sister is the one who found her :/
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PPCLC
by AZ Lizard on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:30 PM

Respect her family's wishes regardless if you agree or not. This is not a typical (though too fast becoming common) death. She took her own life and with that comes questions, intense grief, and even a different type of mourning. 

I am so very sorry. :(

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:32 PM
I can't even imagine how devastating and horrifyingvthis must be for them. I'd absolutely respect their wishes.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:32 PM
Sil committed suicide going through drug withdrawals. We chose not to hide it. If people asked I gave them details. The shady stories people thought happened pissed us off more than anything.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:35 PM
2 moms liked this
People are going to wonder how she died. I feel a ton of sympathy for the parents, but they are going to get questions. Hopefully they get some counseling.
invisiblynumb
by on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:35 PM

I am so very sorry.

sheramom4
by Emerald Member on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:35 PM
1 mom liked this

I wouldn't bug them about revealing how she died or the family memorial but I also wouldn't lie about it if asked directly or do anything to stop others from having a memorial or doing things in remembrance. Basically I wouldn't participate in their cover-up. And they have to understand that eventually the actual truth will come out (if it isn't out already) especially since she was so well known in the community. 

I am sorry for your loss.

ETA: They don't want how she died or her actual death spoken about? I reread your post and it sounds like they don't want anyone to know she died. I am assuming this young woman had friends, teachers, possibly a boss, and she was well known in the community which is going to make it very hard to not talk about the fact that she has passed away. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:43 PM

I'm so sorry! That is so sad!!! My friends granddaughters husband hanged himself in his in-laws garage! He was only in his early 20's! He left behind his wife, 3-month-old DD, and of course a lot of other family too! He texted "I love you" to  his wife right before he died. He  had bad depression and refused to take anti-depressants. His wife found him.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Aug. 6, 2016 at 11:50 PM

Wanting privacy, and not wanting it plastered all over social media is NOT covering it up.  It's not horrible for the family to want to mourn in private.

cjsix
by Platinum Member on Aug. 7, 2016 at 12:10 AM

Please,Please....talk with them about this! I understand them being concerned about what people might say or think but,ask them to please think about those who cared about her....friends,those in the community,etc.... My daughter just found out a few months ago that a friend she hadn't seen or heard from for several months.committed suicide. She was so hurt and angry...not that he did it,though she is heartbroken that he made such a decision. She and his other friends are hurt and angry at the fact that the family kept this a secret. They didn't tell anyone. None of his friends knew why he just seemed to disappear. Even his brother whom a few including my daughter had talked with either in person or on fb never said anything. The families decision took away the chance to say goodbye and to grieve at the time it happened. Now there is a group of young people late teens and early twenties who are grappling with the loss of someone they cared about and the hurt and anger that a family they knew chose to keep this from them.

CreamTop
by I Rise on Aug. 7, 2016 at 1:01 AM
Regardless, this is the families choice, and it's a personal one. Honestly!

Quoting cjsix:

Please,Please....talk with them about this! I understand them being concerned about what people might say or think but,ask them to please think about those who cared about her....friends,those in the community,etc.... My daughter just found out a few months ago that a friend she hadn't seen or heard from for several months.committed suicide. She was so hurt and angry...not that he did it,though she is heartbroken that he made such a decision. She and his other friends are hurt and angry at the fact that the family kept this a secret. They didn't tell anyone. None of his friends knew why he just seemed to disappear. Even his brother whom a few including my daughter had talked with either in person or on fb never said anything. The families decision took away the chance to say goodbye and to grieve at the time it happened. Now there is a group of young people late teens and early twenties who are grappling with the loss of someone they cared about and the hurt and anger that a family they knew chose to keep this from them.

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