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My 19 year old is engaged. Should I be proud?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 67 Replies
I am trying to be supportive but I just want to talk my Dd out of it.

She has been dating her now fiancé for 2 years. They didn't have the greatest relationship. Some nights they would break up and get back together the next day. For about 6 months he completely cheated on her with his ex.

Then he joined the military. When he went away to boot camp she was starting college and told me she had no plans to marry him until they were maybe 23 but she did plan to move in with him wherever he moved. Fine.

Well now that he's out, he had to move to the east coast(we live on the west). She told me they were planning to get married. This past week she went to visit him and he proposed.

So now they are trying to be married by December.

I just don't feel good about it. She's never lived anywhere else except in a house with her parents and siblings. She has not experienced much at all in the grand scheme of things and her first legal contact will be marriage.

I do want them to work out but I just have a lot of red flags going up.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:27 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Learnedfrommist
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:30 PM
2 moms liked this
I'd mind my own business.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Nope. I would not be ok with my teenager getting married. My kids will be encouraged to have educations and careers first.
81Crystal
by Emerald Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:31 PM
2 moms liked this
You need to be positive. You want her to feel like she can come to you when it falls apart.
MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:32 PM
I would be devastated if my 19 yo was getting married.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:33 PM
She was definitely encouraged to have an education and career first.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Nope. I would not be ok with my teenager getting married. My kids will be encouraged to have educations and careers first.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:33 PM
1 mom liked this
She's an adult. I would freak out because it's so young, but on the other hand my mom was 19 when she married my dad and they've been happily married for 35 yrs.
MissTuree
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:34 PM
Man that's a tough one, is she generally an independent person? Ask her if she seriously wants to jump from mommy and daddy taking care of her to living with a man taking care of her. That deterred me from getting married young, I wanted to know that I could make it on my own and didn't need to rely on anyone else.
horcruxnumber8
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:36 PM
1 mom liked this
She can still have an education and all the things you want for her (if she wants them) while being married.

If you push her too much she won't come to you if she ever needs to.

NiamhWitch
by Póg mo thóin on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:36 PM
1 mom liked this

As someone who got married at 18 (and I don't regret it, btw-- we are still married 13 years later)... I can say that I wouldn't be too thrilled if my child was engaged at 19.  However, I'd also let them make their own choices.

While it worked out for DH and me, both of us can recognize that we made an irresponsible choice to elope when I was 18 (he was 22).  We should have waited longer and we don't recommend what we did to anyone... even though it worked out in the end.

EDIT: I can also say that (as someone who made the same choice), my parents' reactions were not factored in at all.  My dad was the most vocal against my choice to get married when I did, but even he knew that I was an adult and that I was going to make my own choices in life.  I respect that my parents (whether they agreed or not) didn't overstep and get too involved with the choices I made as a young adult.

mischele
by Platinum Member on Aug. 18, 2016 at 4:37 PM
1 mom liked this
Just be there for her. There's hope she will move home when he deploys
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