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I'm so hard on my son...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 40 Replies
1 mom liked this
I honestly don't know if I should be.

He's 23 and a bit of a mess. He's been rambling through life since age 18, hanging with drug abusers, taking advantage of people, living with who he can, getting fired from a lot of jobs and basically not been responsible.

Several months ago he landed back home with a baby that he had with a drug addict. I only allowed him home so my grandson would not end up living with a druggy mom or in foster care. I would not have allowed him home if not for my sweet grand baby. I could not turn them away.

He's been trying to get his life in order. Been taking care of the baby, working, trying to get on his feet. But I am so strict with him because I know how irresponsible he can be or has been. I gripe at him all the time. I've got rules like he picks up after himself and baby at all times, he works, saves money, helps with some simple household chores, pays for all his own things, and he's starting to pay $100 a month rent. If he slacks and leaves messes, I get him on it right away. My stipulation of living with me is he can't talk or hang out with any people who does or sells drugs. I'm basically zero tolerance military style strict. I know he's an adult but it's just the only way I've felt he can live with me. I'm not sitting back living in his messes and tolerating drug addicts around my house. He's complied but he's frustrated because he thinks I'm way too hard on him.

Am I too strict and mean?
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 7, 2016 at 2:58 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 7, 2016 at 3:02 PM

scary part is this could be me my son just got out of jail for the 3rd time and of course it was for drugs while he was there he was clean im hoping he stays that way. the only difference is my ds doesnt have a kid yet

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 7, 2016 at 3:06 PM
Praying your son stays clean.

My sons never been an addict. Maybe he's tried stuff but he doesn't like to be drunk or high. He's never been in trouble with the law. He can be so irresponsible though.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

scary part is this could be me my son just got out of jail for the 3rd time and of course it was for drugs while he was there he was clean im hoping he stays that way. the only difference is my ds doesnt have a kid yet

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 7, 2016 at 3:07 PM
1 mom liked this
Sounds like it's working. Keep it up but also make sure to show him how proud you are of his efforts.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 7, 2016 at 3:07 PM


Quoting Anonymous 1: Praying your son stays clean. My sons never been an addict. Maybe he's tried stuff but he doesn't like to be drunk or high. He's never been in trouble with the law. He can be so irresponsible though.
Quoting Anonymous 2:

scary part is this could be me my son just got out of jail for the 3rd time and of course it was for drugs while he was there he was clean im hoping he stays that way. the only difference is my ds doesnt have a kid yet

thank you and i hope your son does too as far as what youre doing it sounds good to me.

momngram
by Ruby Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 3:09 PM

Lighten up.  

with your strict military zero tolerance policey do you show him any love? 

StarLight23
by Platinum Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 3:11 PM

You're doing good! I think sometimes I'm a little strict with my son, but it's working and he's well behaved. My son's a few years younger, but yeah I feel your pain!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 7, 2016 at 3:12 PM
I try. I say I love you to him and I help him out a lot. He works late so I watch the baby so he can sleep in and I babysit a lot. I need to work on saying more positive things though.

Quoting momngram:

Lighten up.  with your strict military zero tolerance policey do you show him any love? 

lalalamama
by on Sep. 7, 2016 at 3:13 PM
He's lucky to have you and of course you need to have strict rules, he isn't exactly deserving of trust just yet!
You do need to take a hard and close look into what went so wrong when he was a teen. You need a lot of insight so that past patterns aren't repeated. Best of luck to you, your son and grandchild!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 7, 2016 at 3:14 PM
I'm trying to get him self sufficant. I feel like a mean witch all the time but I feel I'm trying to parent him again late in his life! He lived with his dad as a teen. I just want him to be successful.

Quoting StarLight23:

You're doing good! I think sometimes I'm a little strict with my son, but it's working and he's well behaved. My son's a few years younger, but yeah I feel your pain!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 7, 2016 at 3:15 PM
He lived with his dad as a teen. I was active in his life but dad was more laid back and he wanted to live with dad because of this.

Quoting lalalamama: He's lucky to have you and of course you need to have strict rules, he isn't exactly deserving of trust just yet!
You do need to take a hard and close look into what went so wrong when he was a teen. You need a lot of insight so that past patterns aren't repeated. Best of luck to you, your son and grandchild!
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