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I feel like I still have not overcome his abuse.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 18 Replies
I will try to make this as short as possible. I was in a very abusive relationship. For a couple years. We had children together. I felt stuck. So I never left. It took me a very long time. I was isolated, I had no friends, no family, I was completely on my own. I was away from everybody it was just awful.
Well I the abuse wasn't just physical it was mostly verbal and emotional. It destroyed me as a person.
Since then I have been diagnosed with bipolar and borderline personality disorder. I feel like this has ruined my life. I came out of this a different person. I finally got the courage to leave. But only to struggle, with my kids. My moods are so in and out I can't even keep up with them. I don't even know who I am anymore.
I left a few years ago but he still was in contact with me dragging me along ruining relationships, jobs, everything for me. I fell off the map, I disappeared with my children. I've had absolutely zero contact with him in over a year. He has tried to contact me over google plus because I deleted all social media accounts I had. So I deleted my google plus as well. (Not sure what google plus even is)
But I still feel like as a person I'm ruined. And I don't know how to get that person I was back. Or even something that was close to it. I over analyze and overthink every single situation. I am just not the person I want to be. And all I ever do is reflect back on to all the pain and hurt he caused me and my children. I don't understand why I'm not over it. He's not even a thought. I feel like the situation itself doesn't even bother me that much. But the fact that I lost who I was and I am still not able to find her It just ruins me. I feel like I'm not the greatest parent that I should be. I feel that I'm not doing the best that I can.
But I go through such ups and downs And mood swings I just don't know what to do anymore.
Is this normal? Will I ever be normal again? Will I ever really get over all the abuse he put me through? Just need some words of uplifting I guess. Thank you!
Posted by Anonymous on Sep. 7, 2016 at 4:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Sep. 7, 2016 at 4:42 PM

get some counseling....you cannot do this alone

owl0210
by Sapphire Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 4:42 PM
Are you in counseling? If not, you need to be in order to move on from the abuse.
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Sep. 7, 2016 at 4:42 PM
Since your diagnosis have you kept up on seeing your doctors and taking your meds?
TiredbutHappy1
by Member on Sep. 7, 2016 at 4:50 PM
I was in an abusive relationship too for 11 1/2 years. He was controlling and mostly verbally and emotionally abusive. I've been free for 7 years and I still deal with the effects of his abuse. I'm shy, I second guess myself, I hesitate when I do things, I'm timid, I have body image issues. It takes time to heal from abuse. I will probably always have problems with low self esteem. Best thing you can do is go to counseling and take your meds.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Sep. 7, 2016 at 4:51 PM
I've been exactly where you are. I left my abusive ex 4 years ago and I'm still not completely over it. Like you I had children with him and felt stuck. I now have ptsd and anxiety because of him. He ruined friendships and relationships because I was scared to trust anyone. It does get better though. It takes time to heal. I blamed myself for not leaving sooner, I grieved a loss of my relationship and I took the steps I needed. I found an amazing therapist and am on a med that actually works. So when I say things will get better I mean it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 7, 2016 at 5:15 PM
I've tried about 6 different people. They didn't want to listen to the issues. Only jump to put me on bi polar meds.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

get some counseling....you cannot do this alone

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 7, 2016 at 5:15 PM
I've tried. And it was more aggravating than helping

Quoting owl0210: Are you in counseling? If not, you need to be in order to move on from the abuse.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 7, 2016 at 5:16 PM
I never get good comments about this but I do not believe in medication. My personal and religious beliefs

Quoting Danesmommy1: Since your diagnosis have you kept up on seeing your doctors and taking your meds?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Sep. 7, 2016 at 5:18 PM
It's awful. I used to be a "social butterfly" I used to couch other girls on self esteem when i was a teenager. But now. I panic even leaving the house. I trust no one, not even those close to me:/. It's hard. But thank you. Glad I am not alone

Quoting TiredbutHappy1: I was in an abusive relationship too for 11 1/2 years. He was controlling and mostly verbally and emotionally abusive. I've been free for 7 years and I still deal with the effects of his abuse. I'm shy, I second guess myself, I hesitate when I do things, I'm timid, I have body image issues. It takes time to heal from abuse. I will probably always have problems with low self esteem. Best thing you can do is go to counseling and take your meds.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Sep. 7, 2016 at 5:18 PM

get both you and your children help. this situation can't be healthy for any of you. 

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