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Put my foot in my mouth big time

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 7 Replies
I have a friend that waited until she was 12 weeks to announce her pregnancy. That was about 2 weeks ago. She made a post earlier about her ds not knowing who Nicole Kidman is until she told him she's Keith Urban's wife. I told her "Just think, the new baby might be asking who Keith Urban is in 12 years!"

I just got off FB where she had let everyone know she miscarried. God, I feel awful for her. I'm not really sure what to say to begin with let alone after I just joked about the baby.

If you've had a miscarriage, what comforted you the most? Do you remember anyone saying anything in particular that made you feel any better?
Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 11, 2016 at 11:48 PM
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Replies (1-7):
karene999
by Silver Member on Nov. 11, 2016 at 11:51 PM


AmiJanell
by Ruby Member on Nov. 11, 2016 at 11:54 PM

Don't worry about the joke... you didn't know.  If the post is on facebook, just delete it. 

As far as what to say... just tell her you're sorry.  And if you are able, offer to help with whatever she might need (maybe she'll want someone to watch her older children on days she's having a hard time)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 11, 2016 at 11:58 PM
This.

I'd delete the comment too, even though you didn't mean any harm by it.

I've never miscarried either so I don't know what would help ease some of her pain right now.

Quoting AmiJanell:

Don't worry about the joke... you didn't know.  If the post is on facebook, just delete it. 

As far as what to say... just tell her you're sorry.  And if you are able, offer to help with whatever she might need (maybe she'll want someone to watch her older children on days she's having a hard time)

mischele
by Platinum Member on Nov. 12, 2016 at 12:01 AM
I didn't ever announce my pregnancies so soon. I did miscarriage a few years ago but nobody knew. I suffered in silence
SilverSally
by Bronze Member on Nov. 12, 2016 at 2:52 AM
Honestly, nothing was actually comforting or helpful. You're lost inside a world of pain and self-accusation. I would just tell her that you're sorry for her loss and to let you know if she needs anything, because you're her friend and you care.
squeekers
by squeekers on Nov. 12, 2016 at 2:55 AM
Past sorrow (((hugs))) from one who understands.

Quoting mischele: I didn't ever announce my pregnancies so soon. I did miscarriage a few years ago but nobody knew. I suffered in silence
bluefirewolf
by Gold Member on Nov. 12, 2016 at 3:06 AM

here is a great web site for you to check it is supported by and monitored by parents that have lost their children due to all kinds of reasons and for all ages of children including those that had their adult children pass, it also has a chat room and a forum for mothers who have had miscarriages.  But there is also information for friends and families of parents : missfoundation.org 

There was nothing around when I miscarried, nothing - no books, no internet, no support groups - it was a horrible experience and many people did not even understand why I was so upset.

The best thing you can do is listen and love.  Say, "I'm so sorry" and show your love.  Call her and see how she is doing, ask her if she would like some company (do not say, "If you need anything...or God wanted your little angel, or youre young you can have another, or any of that, it's horrible to hear)  You sound like a wonderful friend.


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