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Advice needed

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 21 Replies

My SO and I have decided to go our separate ways and I feel lost.  

I have no friends, and I have no family other than our two kids.  I have no one to talk to about this at all.  

I just started a new job so I can't see a counsellor until my benefits start in January.  I'll have to pay out of pocket for now, I guess.

I'm so worried about my finances.  He makes $100K.  I make $17K (it's a part time job for my one-year probationary period).  Then it will go to full time.  We were never married and have been living separately for four years.  We do not own our home.

I'm devestated.  We were "together" for over eight years.  I put that in quotations because the last couple of years we were barely together and this week was the last straw.  I can't live like this anymore.

What do I do?  How do I get through this so I don't go crawling back to him for the umpteenth time?  I only go back because I'm lonely and scared to be without him.  I don't even think we like each other, yet I'm so terrified of this.  

Help.  Please.  How do I get through this?

Posted by Anonymous on Nov. 11, 2016 at 11:54 PM
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Replies (1-10):
bluebunnybabe
by kid crack dealer on Nov. 11, 2016 at 11:56 PM
File for child support for starters.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 12, 2016 at 12:00 AM

He's agreed to leave our finances the way they are until I'm working full time.  I think I should wait until he separates the finances before I muddy the waters with that.  I don't want to make matters worse.  If he's willing to leave the money the way it is for the next year.  I trust him with this; I think...

Quoting bluebunnybabe: File for child support for starters.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Nov. 12, 2016 at 12:02 AM
I'm confused by why this is a shock if you haven't lives together in 4 years? And what changed this week to make it the real end?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 12, 2016 at 12:04 AM
Gain some self confidence and get you some self esteem. I was in your shoes I kept going back to my piece of shit ex because I thought I couldn't live life without home. Boy was I wrong. I had of soul searching to do and had to find myself.

Two years laters, I'm doing pretty well and don't miss him one bit.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 12, 2016 at 12:07 AM

I'm not really shocked.  More saddened than anything. 

I want to buy a home.  I want to get married.  He refuses.  I figured he would eventually come around.  

I was wrong.  I should have left a long time ago.  But, I felt that in time he would change.  He hasn't.

So, I left his house tonight and said I was done.  He doesn't believe me because I've done this before and I always go crawling back when I haven't heard from him in couple of days.

But I have hopes and dreams and I need to move on.  I need to have a real life.  I can't live like this anymore.

I need advice on how to be strong, get through this, and move on.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I'm confused by why this is a shock if you haven't lives together in 4 years? And what changed this week to make it the real end?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 12, 2016 at 12:09 AM

Thank you.  I appreciate this.

I do need some confidence and self esteem because god knows they''ve been gone for a long time now.

How did you do it?  What helped you get through?

Quoting Anonymous 3: Gain some self confidence and get you some self esteem. I was in your shoes I kept going back to my piece of shit ex because I thought I couldn't live life without home. Boy was I wrong. I had of soul searching to do and had to find myself. Two years laters, I'm doing pretty well and don't miss him one bit.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Nov. 12, 2016 at 12:16 AM
Squirrel cash away as much as possible. Find a counselor with a sliding scale fee based on your income. Stay busy. Get active with your kids. Time will help.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 12, 2016 at 12:19 AM

Yes, I will.  I should have been doing it much sooner, but I didn't.  I'm so mad at myself for not doing that!  Shit.  

I will do my best and hope to hell that he doesn't screw me over.   I'm so worried about this, I feel sick.

Quoting Anonymous 4: Squirrel cash away as much as possible. Find a counselor with a sliding scale fee based on your income. Stay busy. Get active with your kids. Time will help.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Nov. 12, 2016 at 12:21 AM
Before putting him out, I wrote down all of the pros and cons of our relationship. I thought about how he treated me over the last few years compared to how others treated me. I then put him out!

I then remained single for a year and began learning about who I was, what I wanted in life, and I thought of everything I brought to the table and realized that I didn't have to settle to be happy.

I was emotionally damaged because of him. On a scale of 1-10, how damaged do you think you are?

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Thank you.  I appreciate this.

I do need some confidence and self esteem because god knows they''ve been gone for a long time now.

How did you do it?  What helped you get through?

Quoting Anonymous 3: Gain some self confidence and get you some self esteem. I was in your shoes I kept going back to my piece of shit ex because I thought I couldn't live life without home. Boy was I wrong. I had of soul searching to do and had to find myself.

Two years laters, I'm doing pretty well and don't miss him one bit.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Nov. 12, 2016 at 1:16 AM

If 10 is the worst, then I would say 7-8.  He has me in full belief that I will not be successful without him.  That I will sink financially.  I will have nothing without him.  And I admit that as I type this, I am in full panic mode.  I'm terrified about my bills being paid.  how will I afford to pay for my dd's basketball?  How will I afford to pay anything?!  I know I'm being silly, but I cannot seem to let go of that fear.  I feel paralyzed by that fear of having no money for my kids.  No money to pay bills or put food on the table.  I am terrified.  This is the damage that he's done to me.  

His lack of care.  His lack of love hurts me.  I've tried so hard for so long and this is just killing me that this has all been for nothing.  That the kids and I aren't worth enough to him.  My heart is breaking.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Before putting him out, I wrote down all of the pros and cons of our relationship. I thought about how he treated me over the last few years compared to how others treated me. I then put him out! I then remained single for a year and began learning about who I was, what I wanted in life, and I thought of everything I brought to the table and realized that I didn't have to settle to be happy. I was emotionally damaged because of him. On a scale of 1-10, how damaged do you think you are?
Quoting Anonymous 1:

Thank you.  I appreciate this.

I do need some confidence and self esteem because god knows they''ve been gone for a long time now.

How did you do it?  What helped you get through?

Quoting Anonymous 3: Gain some self confidence and get you some self esteem. I was in your shoes I kept going back to my piece of shit ex because I thought I couldn't live life without home. Boy was I wrong. I had of soul searching to do and had to find myself. Two years laters, I'm doing pretty well and don't miss him one bit.



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