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What would you do?

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2016 at 1:39 AM
  • 27 Replies

Alright, I'm gonna make a post. I'm much more comfortable commenting on other people's crap than posting my own, but here goes :P

My son is 9 and will be in fifth grade next year, which means it'll be his first year in middle school. There are two schools in our district that we can choose from, however I'm having a disagreement with my husband about which one he should go to.

My son has ADHD and is also in the  Highly Capable program. The HI-CAP program is our states version of a gifted program. A child is nominated for it by a teacher or parent and then is tested and if he qualifies, he's in the program for the duration of his education. I say he just because my son is a he, but obviously it's for any child, male or female :P. 

Anyway, while the program is district-wide, each school handles their program differently. The school that my son would default to does it the same way his elementary school does it: the HI-CAP kids leave class for an hour or so on Friday to go to the library where they learn about advanced subjects. 

The other school in the district groups all the HI-CAP kids together into one class and the average children in another class. So instead of leaving the class once a week for a session, the class is basically an advanced class, where every subject is HI-CAP. 

So the dilemma is this. I want my son to go to the school where it's basically HI-CAP immersion. His classmates will be like him and he'll be constantly challenged, not just once a week. My husband, on the other hand, believes it's more important for him to go to school with his friends and build those relationships. He's worried about my son having to start all over with new kids and not having any friends at the new school. His current friends from elementary will almost all go to the default school. My son is socially awkward, so the friendship argument is not insignificant. I just think that his education should be the priority here.

Sooooo, what would you pick? Education or friends? I'm really torn. I respect my husband's opinion but I really like the way the other school handles their program. 

by on Dec. 11, 2016 at 1:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 1:42 AM
What does your son want to do?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 1:43 AM
What does your son think? I'd certainly take his preference in to consideration.

Being in an all day advanced program might be intimidating. Does he get bored in regular classes? Just for curiosity sake, who nominated him to be tested, you or a teacher?
Leyse
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 1:45 AM

My son wants to go to the school that I want him to, but in fairness, my  husband hasn't presented his case yet so my son only heard my version of this issue. He likes the idea of the whole class being HI-CAP, but I don't think he put a lot of thought into what it will mean to be at a new school without his friends. My husband wants to talk to him about it, so he has all sides. We'll definitely take his input into consideration, but at the end of the day, we have to figure out what we believe to be best for him. I just don't know what that is right now :(

Quoting Anonymous 1: What does your son want to do?


Leyse
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 1:47 AM

His teacher nominated him a few years ago. I never really thought about it until recently when I realized that not all the schools had the same program. There aren't a huge amount of resources for gifted children in our district so it's really enticing that this one school has an entire class dedicated to it. 

My son liked the idea of going there when I talked to him, but I didn't really bring up the friends thing because at the time I hadn't really talked to my husband about it, and so I didn't really think it was important. We're going to have to talk to him again because my husband wants to make sure he understands that he'd be going to a different school than anyone he knows. 

Quoting Anonymous 2: What does your son think? I'd certainly take his preference in to consideration. Being in an all day advanced program might be intimidating. Does he get bored in regular classes? Just for curiosity sake, who nominated him to be tested, you or a teacher?


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 1:48 AM
It sounds like the better school for him academically. If he's ok with finding new friends I would go that way.

Quoting Leyse:

My son wants to go to the school that I want him to, but in fairness, my  husband hasn't presented his case yet so my son only heard my version of this issue. He likes the idea of the whole class being HI-CAP, but I don't think he put a lot of thought into what it will mean to be at a new school without his friends. My husband wants to talk to him about it, so he has all sides. We'll definitely take his input into consideration, but at the end of the day, we have to figure out what we believe to be best for him. I just don't know what that is right now :(

Quoting Anonymous 1: What does your son want to do?

Leyse
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 1:51 AM

Yeah, that's how I'm feeling. The thing that is hard is that he's socially awkward. He doesn't read people or situations very well so it's a little bit hard for him to make friends. If it was my daughter, I'd have zero concerns about her making new friends because she's very outgoing, but my son can put people off sometimes. Normally I would be 100% about academics, but because of my son's social limitations, I have to give weight to my husband's arguments as well :/. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: It sounds like the better school for him academically. If he's ok with finding new friends I would go that way.
Quoting Leyse:

My son wants to go to the school that I want him to, but in fairness, my  husband hasn't presented his case yet so my son only heard my version of this issue. He likes the idea of the whole class being HI-CAP, but I don't think he put a lot of thought into what it will mean to be at a new school without his friends. My husband wants to talk to him about it, so he has all sides. We'll definitely take his input into consideration, but at the end of the day, we have to figure out what we believe to be best for him. I just don't know what that is right now :(

Quoting Anonymous 1: What does your son want to do?



Elyce225
by on Dec. 11, 2016 at 1:55 AM


He'd go to the Hi-Cap everyday.

My oldest son is 16.  He is a freshman in college.  He was also in the gifted program and if he did it once a week he wouldn't be where he is now.  Your son will have plenty of time to see his friends outside of school. He will also make new friends.  Since he is starting a whole new school no matter what I'd definitely send him to the everyday program, it's so much more beneficial.

Leyse
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 1:58 AM

That's how I feel too. I hope I can convince my husband of this. It'll help if I can say that others think this is the right way to go too. 

Quoting Elyce225:


He'd go to the Hi-Cap everyday.

My oldest son is 16.  He is a freshman in college.  He was also in the gifted program and if he did it once a week he wouldn't be where he is now.  Your son will have plenty of time to see his friends outside of school. He will also make new friends.  Since he is starting a whole new school no matter what I'd definitely send him to the everyday program, it's so much more beneficial.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 1:59 AM
1 mom liked this
My son is like that as well. Highly intelligent but has a hard time socially. The thing is keeping him from challenges has never benefited him. If your son is willing to try to make new friends don't tell him he can't. Encourage him to try.

Quoting Leyse:

Yeah, that's how I'm feeling. The thing that is hard is that he's socially awkward. He doesn't read people or situations very well so it's a little bit hard for him to make friends. If it was my daughter, I'd have zero concerns about her making new friends because she's very outgoing, but my son can put people off sometimes. Normally I would be 100% about academics, but because of my son's social limitations, I have to give weight to my husband's arguments as well :/. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: It sounds like the better school for him academically. If he's ok with finding new friends I would go that way.

Quoting Leyse:

My son wants to go to the school that I want him to, but in fairness, my  husband hasn't presented his case yet so my son only heard my version of this issue. He likes the idea of the whole class being HI-CAP, but I don't think he put a lot of thought into what it will mean to be at a new school without his friends. My husband wants to talk to him about it, so he has all sides. We'll definitely take his input into consideration, but at the end of the day, we have to figure out what we believe to be best for him. I just don't know what that is right now :(

Quoting Anonymous 1: What does your son want to do?

rhiannonaisling
by Platinum Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 2:00 AM

To me education is equally as important as friendship. However, friendships can be maintained without going to the same school...it will just require some extra effort.

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