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I need legit advice because I feel like I failed.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 51 Replies

IF this post gets out of hand I will delete. Im not looking for what I could have or should have done.. I need opinions or suggestions on how to deal with this situation.


 My daughter will be 13 next week. She has always been sweet and compassionate and obviously with puberty and becoming a teenager that has changed recently. She isnt out of hand, she helps around the house and such.  She gets great grades and she does not get in trouble at school... I was a single Mom until she was 9 and her Dad was never in the picture a whole lot, my fiance has been the only man other than my Grandpa consistent in her life. Before my fiance I did not date or bring men in and out of her life. So here goes the rest of fthe story..

I was looking through her text messages yesterday (she is aware I monitor her phone and her apps on a regular basis). Apparently her friend C dared her to prank their friend E saying that my daughter (G) is dating the boy (which is a no no ..she isnt allowed to "date") that E likes.  Even went as far as taking a picture of my sons (Gs brother) room to get E to believe she is really dating the boy she likes.   I got upset with her because we dont behave like that for many reasons... its malicious and mean and she was absolutely NOT raised that way. I grounded her from her phone for a long time and gave her extra chores and a really good talking to why it was disrespectful and not cute.  Pretty soon I get a phone call from Cs parents saying that they found texts in Cs phone about G telling everyone that she lost her virginity to some boy while visiting Kansas (her Grandparents) over the summer and now she thinks she is pregnant.   I then continued to look in her phone and it was true plus more. With that said I KNOW she is not having sex and I KNOW she is not pregnant as I just bought her pads 2 days ago and she doesnt go anywhere to have sex, I keep close track of her. She doesnt go to her friends houses or anything like that.   I am disappointed and I am angry with her.  I know how I THINK I want to handle this... but I need real advice because I also dont want her to act out more or seeking even more attention at school.  She obviously needs therapy, it wont be a miracle and happen tomorrow.. itll take awhile.. but for her birthday she wanted purple highlights in her hair and to start a collection of makeup so she can start wearing it every once in awhile to learn how to put it on. I ordered some for her a few weeks ago along with a gift card to get the purple strand in her hair.  After this. No more make up.. no more purple in her hair. She gets basics for her birthday, new bras, underwear, socks, and she wears jeans and nice respectful shirts and a new schedule for chores after school, if she isnt doing chores she is in her room reading, studying or doing some kind of a craft.  Maybe she can learn to knit, or maybe she can learn to sew... Someting productive.  Again, dont bash..I am not a perect Mom and have had my issues along the way.. I just really feel I have done better than this and can not understand where I went wrong..  How do I handle this?  Is having a strict leash on her until she gets that this isnt cute and she needs to act like a lady and respect her self and slowly loosen it up as she progresses?  Please do not be too hard on me....

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:13 AM
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is this really a big deal?  I remember lots of kids making up stupid lies like that in middle school.  no one really believed it.  the difference was parents weren't listening in (or reading the notes we passed back and forth) like they do now with cell phones.  

lucky2Beeme
by Emerald Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:15 AM
5 moms liked this

I don't think punishing is warranted here other than shutting off texting and pictures. Make the phone for calls only.. What she needs is lots of love and guidance. I'm not saying she doesn't get it. I'm saying she needs to understand how detrimental her behavior is. Ask her why she lied about being pregnant to her friends ? Ask her if she is sexually active ? maybe she is ?  You need to address this as an
I'm really concerned not I'm pissed.

jas_momof2
by アニメの雌犬 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:16 AM

ditto

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I don't think punishing is warranted here other than shutting off texting and pictures. Make the phone for calls only.. What she needs is lots of love and guidance. I'm not saying she doesn't get it. I'm saying she needs to understand how detrimental her behavior is. Ask her why she lied about being pregnant to her friends ? Ask her if she is sexually active ? maybe she is ?  You need to address this as an I'm really concerned not I'm pissed.



Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:16 AM

I mean I guess you are right, I made up some stuff but nothing like that..just about kissing or dry humping butbMy Mom was areally shitty mom and she did chase men and leave us with my grandparents months at a time to go chase men across the country. I was pretty much doing whatveer I wanted at 12 (riding in cars with boys and running around town at midnight drinking vodka..  I just want her to respect herself.. 

Quoting Anonymous 2:

is this really a big deal?  I remember lots of kids making up stupid lies like that in middle school.  no one really believed it.  the difference was parents weren't listening in (or reading the notes we passed back and forth) like they do now with cell phones.  


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:17 AM
All girls Catholic school and therapy. She wants attention she would get it. I knew about a girl who the mom found out she was hooking up sexually with one of my classmates and that's what her mom did. The girl was just in middle school.
CheerioHolder
by Ruby Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:18 AM
I don't think it's a big deal. I wouldn't be punishing for any of that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:19 AM
I think you are overreacting. Seems like normal teeen stuff. Like pp said shut of text and picture msg and try to talk instead of jump her ass for her behavior. Remember how you were that way and try to relate in order to guide her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:19 AM

I am super concerned. I also thought about reaching out to see about big brothers/big sisters or some kind of activity that empowers little girls and such. 

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I don't think punishing is warranted here other than shutting off texting and pictures. Make the phone for calls only.. What she needs is lots of love and guidance. I'm not saying she doesn't get it. I'm saying she needs to understand how detrimental her behavior is. Ask her why she lied about being pregnant to her friends ? Ask her if she is sexually active ? maybe she is ?  You need to address this as an I'm really concerned not I'm pissed.


krazymom2boyz
by Platinum Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:21 AM
I understand being pissed but I agree with a PP. Getting angry and extreme punishment isn't going to get you where you want to be here. She's a teenager looking for drama and attention. It's the nature of the beast. Shut down the phone for only emergencies and have several long talks about her behavior. I do agree with not letting her get her hair done, and I'd tell her it was because she obviously isn't mature enough to handle things like makeup and crazy hair.

Also, you aren't a bad mom and you haven't gone wrong anywhere. She's a teen, she'll get past this. So will you.
lucky2Beeme
by Emerald Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:23 AM

Its hard raising teens is hard. I hope you can get to the bottom of why she is doing this. Have you shown her the text about being pregnant and talked about it ?

Quoting Anonymous 1:

I am super concerned. I also thought about reaching out to see about big brothers/big sisters or some kind of activity that empowers little girls and such. 

Quoting lucky2Beeme:

I don't think punishing is warranted here other than shutting off texting and pictures. Make the phone for calls only.. What she needs is lots of love and guidance. I'm not saying she doesn't get it. I'm saying she needs to understand how detrimental her behavior is. Ask her why she lied about being pregnant to her friends ? Ask her if she is sexually active ? maybe she is ?  You need to address this as an I'm really concerned not I'm pissed.



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