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My DD is too nice.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 33 Replies
My SIL has 2kids and my kids are very close with them. My SIL doesn't like anyone coming to her house. My kids have been over to her house, maybe, 5 time in the last 9 years. They slept over once. Her kids used to come to our house every weekend and vacation, always slept over for days. Why? Because my SIL likes her house clean and has no problem when my house is a mess, with all the kids playing and running around. Her kids are the same way. When we do come over, once in a blue moon, they don't let my kids touch their stuff, but when they come over to our house, they do what they please.

So my DD (who is 8yo) was crying that she wants her cousins to come for Christmas (thay already invited themselves for New Years). I said no, and my DD got really upset. I couldn't take this anymore and asked her: " Why are you always crying for them and they never cry for you? They never invite you over and they don't let you play with their stuff? They never ask their mother if you can spend a nigth, because they do not want you over their house!!!! Stop crying for other people.

I got upset, because my DD always wants her cousins over, always stands up for them, gets in trouble for them, takes the blame if they do something wrong...etc, but they throw her under the bus to save their ass' all the time. I hate that she's so naive. I fell like people are going to use her when she gets older (her cousins do so already). She is the youngest and they have no problem throwing all the blame on her.

Now I feel bad that I want to make her less "good". IDK.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:11 AM
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Replies (1-10):
krazymom2boyz
by Platinum Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:16 AM
I think you have a legitimate reason to be worried about her and being used I the future. I do think the snap wasn't the right way to handle it but every mom loses their temper and snaps eventually. Apologize to her and explain why you are worried. She's old enough to understand. Tell her it's ok to love her cousins but the way they treat her isn't ok.
bleumonster
by Sapphire Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:17 AM
1 mom liked this
I would have handled it a bit differently but pointing out that they are users and that she is being taken advantage of isn't wrong.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 9:35 AM
3 moms liked this
I never chastise my kids for being kund to the unkind. That happens to be a rare and phenomenal trait.
Why would you try to convince her to sink to their level?
Mommy fail imo.
cmfarm
by Silver Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 10:05 AM

Your title should say too not to

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 11, 2016 at 10:09 AM
Thank you.

Quoting cmfarm:

Your title should say too not to

MommyMcMomface
by Bronze Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 10:14 AM
I am kinda with this, although I would call it a mommy fail really. Teaching a child to be kind and just at the same time is a difficult balance. I would jump to discouraging her unconditional love for others, but instead channeling it into something useful later on.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I never chastise my kids for being kund to the unkind. That happens to be a rare and phenomenal trait.
Why would you try to convince her to sink to their level?
Mommy fail imo.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 10:16 AM

When people are extremely nice like your dd people will use her as she gets older like her cousins do now.

quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 10:35 AM

it sounds like your dd has unrealistic expectations of her cousins.if they continually mistreat her,they are abusing her..dd is setting herself up for a lifetime of this..she isnt close to them she is addicted to their mistreatment..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 10:39 AM

Your DD sounds like my DD who's 10... it bothers me too, and I've talked to her about it countless times... I hate the way she lets other people treat her... But I love what a kind, sweet, caring little girl she is. It's a difficult line to walk. All I can say is try to find something she's good at to boost her confidence and maybe help her to become more assertive?

othermom
by Ruby Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 11:27 AM

Do you know that her cousins don't ask for her to come over, but that their mom says no. It would be tough to live in a house where you can't make messes, ect. How old are her cousins. How do they throw her under the bus?

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