Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

S/O Who Comes First

Posted by on Dec. 11, 2016 at 7:52 PM
  • 57 Replies
1 mom liked this

No one answered my question to the other post so I will ask again. What do you mean when you say your husband or kids come first. I never understood that question. Does that mean you love more than the other? Does it mean that ones needs come before the other? It isn't a competition between the children and your spouse. My husband can take care of himself and the children cannot. Needs always come before wants. So when you say "My spouse comes first" or "My kids come first" or even "I come first" what do you mean? How do you triage needs?

 

  

by on Dec. 11, 2016 at 7:52 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 7:53 PM
I mean what I say and say what I mean, lol.


Good point though.
blue-heart
by Ruby Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 7:55 PM
For us it means our children's needs come before ours. We have mutually agreed that their needs come before ours. We are adults and can fend for ourselves but the kids can't.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 7:56 PM
No idea. I don't put any of them before each other.
Dzyre1115
by Desiree` on Dec. 11, 2016 at 7:56 PM
My relationship with my husband comes before anything. Meaning if my husband needs me, then I make the children entertain themselves while I spend time with him. Their father is gone at work a lot and all of the time that he is gone, I devote to them and myself, so when he is home, it's his time.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AvantGardener
by on Dec. 11, 2016 at 7:58 PM
2 moms liked this
Our needs are met. What I mean when I say my marriage comes first is that the foundation of my family takes priority over any of the kids needs. Happy marriage, happy kids.
Kristennnwk
by Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 8:00 PM
1 mom liked this

 I think it's just some bullshit question that religious people use to tell people they're wrong.  Or for people to self righteously answer "spouse" to.  It feels like it's tied in to conservative/religious rhetoric about spouse's being help mates and "serving" their husband etc.  Wives should answer first to God, then to their spouse and then the children come after that. That is the correct answer. 

   In actual practice  who knows how that plays out. Maybe serving your husband's food first and giving him the best piece of meat before you serve the kids .... making what your husband likes for dinner as opposed to what the kids like .... Giving him attention when he wants it even if the kids do too .... or doing what he wants on a saturday afternoon as opposed to what the kids want to do?  and vacations etc. .... 


Azure
by Platinum Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 8:04 PM
1 mom liked this

I mean that our children's needs come first-always. DH agrees 100%.

Wants are a different matter entirely, but needs? Children are always going to come first. I'm so glad I married a man who sees eye to eye with eye with me on this.

momto2boys973
by Sapphire Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 8:05 PM
4 moms liked this
It's not a matter of love, it's a matter of focus. It means that while you fulfill your children's needs, they don't become the center of your world and nothing else matters. You're aware that they have to grow up and separate from you, form their own lives and families, while the life and family you're forming is with your husband. Your children, while being the people you love the most, aren't the focus of your life. They're the people you're teaching to move away from you, while your husband is the person you're working on getting closer to you.
And children benefit when there's not a conflict, when both parents are a unity and working for their benefit, to put them as a priority. Bit that can only happen when mom and dad focus on becoming that unity.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 11, 2016 at 8:06 PM
I think there are mothers out there who won't ever leave their kids with a sitter (family member or otherwise) because their kids "need" them. They put their marriage on the backburner because the kids are "only young once". They fail to realize that the kids will eventually grow up and you may not have a spouse anymore because you've neglected that relationship.

I put the example in my reply that if dh and I have a date night and a child is ill (more than just sniffles), the child takes priority and we cancel. If the child is just having a bad day and didn't want us to leave, we leave anyway. The child will get over it. Our relationship trumps that scenario.
Cowgirl_Coyote
by Platinum Member on Dec. 11, 2016 at 8:06 PM

Well, that I would agree with. As I said, we as adults can take care of ourselves but the children cannot. When we were struggling financially, the kids needs came before the adults. I also don't think it hurts to leave the kids with a trusted babysitter so that mommy and daddy can have a night or a weekend together from time to time. 

Quoting blue-heart: For us it means our children's needs come before ours. We have mutually agreed that their needs come before ours. We are adults and can fend for ourselves but the kids can't.


 

  

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)