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Baby Jesus Disapproves

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 14 Replies
This has a different tone from the majority of Mom Confessions posts, but...still a confession.

I have mild IBS. It's managable with medication, but some foods still get to me from time to time. Mainly cramping and pretty bad gas.

Last Sunday, the church several of my friends and family attend was having a children's pageant, kind of like an informal photo op event before the big real one the week before Christmas Eve. Not too serious. Came after the initial service.

I don't actually attend this church, but my best friend's son was going to be in the pageant so I came along. We had breakfast at Cracker Barrel beforehand. I was hungry and feeling brave. Got the chicken fried steak with extra fried eggs.

Halfway through the service, I realized this was a mistake. Gas caught up with me and despite my best efforts, some of it had to escape. It did so quietly. I was SO. Embarrassed.

In the pew in front of us was a family with an infant. After a few seconds, the shockwave must have hit them, because the Mom looked down suddenly and said, "Uh oh." I know this uh oh. This is the 'did my baby just shit in public' uh oh. Several others looked over at the baby, some giggling. The mother was apologizing and laughing nervously. Once the smell passed after a few seconds, she dismissed it as 'just a fart'. Everything went back to normal.

Here I am both red-faced and trying desperately not to laugh. I got dangerously close to losing it a few times. Jesus on the cross just stared at me. I can never come back here again.

So yeah, I farted in a church and allowed a baby to take the fall. I'm still laughing about it and feeling bad. Sorry, Jesus. IBS is a bitch.

Merry Christmas.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:13 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:15 PM

LMAO. I love their chicken fried steak. It's almost worth a shart. The elderly people fart in church the whole time! Lol. 

owl0210
by Sapphire Member on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:16 PM
lololololololol
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:17 PM
Hahaha Jesus forgives!
OrangeBalloon
by Emerald Member on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:19 PM

I don't think the baby or Jesus really cares. LOL. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:24 PM
I'd rather it be near a baby than a young child, because some of them just love to yell EW WHO FARTED once they detect it. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜“
fivekids2220
by Gold Member on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:24 PM
3 moms liked this

My sister did that in the front row, right in front of the priest on Christmas Eve.  It was awful, and I mean AWFUL.  I swear that woman ate 4 lb. of prime rib on her own that night (she was pregnant for the first time and under the impression that she was "eating for two", apparently).  Anyway, we were all mortified, and she leans over, and in a LOUD whisper, while giggling like a maniac, says, "He who farts in church, sits in her own PEW!" and totally loses it.  Sisters.  You can't get rid of them.   Believe me, I've tried. ;)

madamlunna213
by Silver Member on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:26 PM
1 mom liked this
He was born in a manger after all, wit the smell of animal crap. I don't think he cares about a fart.
cheekacheeka
by Emerald Member on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:26 PM
Awesome
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:27 PM
πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ oh noooo LMAO

Quoting fivekids2220:

My sister did that in the front row, right in front of the priest on Christmas Eve.  It was awful, and I mean AWFUL.  I swear that woman ate 4 lb. of prime rib on her own that night (she was pregnant for the first time and under the impression that she was "eating for two", apparently).  Anyway, we were all mortified, and she leans over, and in a LOUD whisper, while giggling like a maniac, says, "He who farts in church, sits in her own PEW!" and totally loses it.  Sisters.  You can't get rid of them.   Believe me, I've tried. ;)

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:27 PM
I nominate this for best post of the day. :)
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