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How to get along with SM? *a bit long*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 16 Replies
How do I get along with my kids' SM? I've been trying to get along with her since she married my exH and for some reason she seems to think we are in some kind of competition and hates me.

XH and I get along really well, when we divorced we did it because we both had interest in other people and to be honest our marriage was a comfort thing because we had been best friends since we were kids and we thought it was just a normal thing to do, even expected. We were happy but there was not enough love as a couple.

We had three kids, they are 8 (twins) and 10. We divorced 5 years ago, and we both started new relationships soon.

When he got serious with now SM, I was very happy and told him so and also I told her and her reaction was to say something like: "Yeah, I got what he truly likes". She always throws comments like that.

She gets mad if xH comes to get/drop the kids a minutes to speak with me, if he says he is going to go watch a game of the boys (twins are in football and oldest is in basketball) she gets mad because she thinks he is going to be with me but when xH asks her to go with him then she says that it is boring.

I always invite xH to a little Christmas party we do, and he invites to New Year's party. We have always done this, even before we got married our families always spend a bit of the holidays together. She is always mad or saying unnecesary mean things, last year I told xH I wasn't going to go to his New Year's party and also we didn't spend Christmas either because I thought that maybe she'd be more happy and also because it was her baby's first holidays and I didn't wany her to be mad and don't enjoy the festivities with her baby.

Maybe I'm trying too hard? I just want to get along with her because she is too an important part of my kids' lives and I want to make sure they see us in good terms in order for them to be happy (they sometimes ask why she is so mean to me and they don't like her).

When she announced her pregnancy I congratulated her and sent a little gift, few days later xH and I were speaking about the kids when he told me he was sorry because their dog destroyed the gift I sent.

She thinks I want something with xH but I seriously don't, we divorced ffs! And also I'm married and have two babies with my husband, he knows xH and I get along and they are friends too. Sometimes when xH comes to get the kids he also take mine and when he comes with his baby I'm very happy to have him over.

I've tried to speak about this with SM but there is no use. Maybe I should just stop trying and cut ties? XH is my friend but I don't want to be the cause of him maybe ending his new marriage. He is worried too but doesn't know what to do either :/

Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 13, 2016 at 4:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2016 at 5:06 PM
Bump!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 5:12 PM
4 moms liked this
There isn't anything else you can really do. And I wouldn't cut ties, that sends a terrible message to your children.
Keep being nice and leave it at that. The rest is nit your problem, it's between her and your ex and it's something they need to work out.
tsatske2
by Latricia on Dec. 13, 2016 at 5:18 PM

All y ou can do is keep being the bigger person. I hope she gets over this, as it does not sound to  me like something her marriage can survive long term.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 5:21 PM
Hmm...I don't have experience with this. You seem really nice though! Maybe that bothers her? Lol
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2016 at 5:32 PM
Lol! I don't know, maybe I have to be more bitchy? 😂😂 I can do that too.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Hmm...I don't have experience with this. You seem really nice though! Maybe that bothers her? Lol
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2016 at 5:35 PM
I hope so too, so everyone involved can be happy. At least my kids say she treats them okay, sometimes say things lowly so they don't hear but they do at times though, but doesn't do anything else.



Quoting tsatske2:

All y ou can do is keep being the bigger person. I hope she gets over this, as it does not sound to  me like something her marriage can survive long term.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2016 at 5:38 PM
Yeah, you're right plus is not really fair that we have to end a friendship of 30 years over this (xH and I met when we were 6 and married at 25).

Quoting Anonymous 2: There isn't anything else you can really do. And I wouldn't cut ties, that sends a terrible message to your children.
Keep being nice and leave it at that. The rest is nit your problem, it's between her and your ex and it's something they need to work out.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 5:45 PM
2 moms liked this
What an interesting situation! Honestly I think she's just going to have to deal. When your spouse has children with someone else, they will be around whether you like it or not. Hopefully in time she'll tone it down and realize you don't have any ill intent. You do sound pleasant
cellomom26
by on Dec. 13, 2016 at 5:52 PM
I think she wants drama, and you being pleasant and nice is spoiling that for her. She should count her blessings. Keep being you. I personally think your ex traded down with her, big time. 😃
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 5:54 PM

Kill her with kindness.  She's jealous of the history you have and feels threatened when you're around.  If you can't take it and she's crossing the line just tell her to pee all over your ex already, that you get he's hers now.

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