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How can he take her side?

Posted by on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:14 PM
  • 16 Replies

So I have no relationship with my mother, I cut her out of my life 4 or 5 years ago and have no contact with her and my kids have no contact with her, my DH has never even met her. Most of my family has cut contact with her for various reasons but I have 1 aunt (I have posted about her before trying to get me to see my mother or let my kids see her) who is on my mothers side. During the worst of my mothers behaviour my little bother was living 4 hours away with his wife and her family. They moved back this year and he loves our mom and is also on her side. My brother and I used to be very close. When our mom and his dad were going through a lot and he was still a minor I let him move in with me and my kids to get away from all the drama, we lived together until he was 19 and that is when he moved to live with the woman who he would later marry. Since he moved back to the area we have tried several times to get together, but something would always come up on his side and we have had to push it back. It has been going on for months. I have gone to visit him, but we both admit that it is easier for him to come see us since he has no kids and their place has nothing for kids to do.

 Recently my BFF went to Disneyland with her family and my brother to celebrate her daughters (brothers BFF) birthday. While they were all there my brother admitted to my BFF that they have been annoyed at me that I wont let my mother back into my life and that is why "things keep coming up". He wont straight out say it to me because I told him the last time that I didn't want him in the middle of it because he doesn't have kids and he doesn't understand that we all have to do things to protect our kids. I am upset about both the fact that he is doing this and that he still doesn't get it with my mother. Why can't people in this family just let it go?

Just to ad so you know (some, because it would take all day to type all) of the reasons that I have cut out my mom:

-My mother brought illegal drugs into my home that my kids got a hold of.
-My mother brought a strange man (who was later arrested for soliciting a minor so you know what kind of man it was) into my home while my kids and I were sleeping.
-She stole everything she could sneak out.

by on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:14 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Shell on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:20 PM
Time to cut him out of your life then. Life is way to short to deal with all of that.
by Anonymous 1 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:31 PM

I would have one last heart to heart with him. Tell him you love him and want him in your life. That being said you well not allow your mom to be a part of your children's lives. It is his choice if he wants to be a part of you and your children's lives. 

by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:34 PM

Honestly, it might be time to cut him out. I mean if he can't understand why you don't want her in your life or your kids lives then maybe it's time to be done.

by Ruby Member on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:34 PM
I'm sorry hun. I get it. My brother finally stopped trying to get me to forgive our bm when he had a dd of his own and saw what I meant. I don't know that your brother will get it until he has kids of his own and honestly he may not even get it then.

Hate to say it momma, but it may just be time to let him go.
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:34 PM
Cut his ass off too.
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:41 PM


Wish him the best, and simply state "our mother has put my children in danger too many times to trust her." and leave it at that.

by Anonymous 5 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:43 PM
If "things keep coming up" then it sounds like he's already limiting his time with you and passively-aggressively hinting through your BFF to cut you off if you don't submit to his emotional blackmail. Trust your instincts. If he can't see why your mother shouldn't be around your children despite the reasons you listed, then he doesn't have their best interest at heart.
by on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:43 PM

I'd stop trying to get together with him. Why pretend when you know now that the answer is only going to be no. That way you don't get canceled on and he doesn't have to lie. 

If he decides he does want you in his life in the future, he can contact you. 

by Anonymous 6 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:47 PM
When she screws him over he'll get it. I'd just let bit go till then. He doesn't understand and isn't being supportive of you.
by Ruby Member on Dec. 13, 2016 at 7:51 PM

he will learn about her..just cut him out.if he takes her side,he takes her side,no big loss..

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