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Toxic family...what to do?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies
It's Dh's family. Let me start by saying mine is not perfect by any means but I can call them on their shit and we may not speak for a week or two but we always are there for eachother. And my family has always shown nothing but respect to my Dh. Even when we "broke up" before our engagement my parents said yea stay here as long as you need to til you two can work it out. Never a bad word was spoken about him to me.

Nowdh's family doesn't like me. They have made that clear. Dh says I'm crazy and sides with them even though I have texts of them bad mouthing me. He refuses to look at them. Plus Dh works for his family. Gets paid a third of what others in his position get paid. I have tried showing him listings, but he says they pay him more than he's worth. but they continually make him feel bad if he asks for a raise. They also will either just not show up if invited to our home or come for 30 minutes then leave to later find out they went to dinner with friends. The latest was our housewarming.
I was in the hospital not to long ago Dh went out of town with brother in law. Didn't know I would end up back in the hospital. I told him to go. Sister in law invited me and other wives to dinner. I said sorry can't make it back in the hospital with a fever the sepsis may have returned. She turned around texed bil and said I said fuck you im not coming. Which led to a fight between Dh and bil, Dh turned around and said I'm not taking sides bc I don't know what was said. Refusing to look at my texts.
I'm seriously considering leaving bc I will not make something choose family over me but I'm sick of feeling so awkward around his family. So bad about myself.
Posted by Anonymous on Dec. 13, 2016 at 11:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 11:06 PM

So, tell us why you stay

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 11:07 PM
He will continue to put his family before you. You need to move away from them and if he doesn't go with you then it's his loss.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2016 at 11:08 PM
How do I explain that to my kids? Bc they will always be told I'm the bad guy from them?

Quoting Anonymous 3: He will continue to put his family before you. You need to move away from them and if he doesn't go with you then it's his loss.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2016 at 11:09 PM
My kids. I've been told that bil will use his money and power to make sure I loose my kids.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

So, tell us why you stay

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 11:12 PM
So it's better to have them raised in a toxic family? I can not imagine a judge taking your kids away unless you abuse alcohol or drugs, or have some other form of abusive lifestyle.

Quoting Anonymous 1: My kids. I've been told that bil will use his money and power to make sure I loose my kids.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

So, tell us why you stay

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 11:12 PM

So, empty threats cause you to stay?  Time to call 1800799SAFE  and make plans to get out

Quoting Anonymous 1: My kids. I've been told that bil will use his money and power to make sure I loose my kids.
Quoting Anonymous 2:

So, tell us why you stay


Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 11:14 PM
Just stop trying. Ignore them completely. Live your own life. Find a job. Save your money. Leave when the kids are a little older. They'll know what's what, trust me, they'll see it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Dec. 13, 2016 at 11:15 PM
You tell them that mommy and daddy get along better separate. You do not bad mouth their father. You raise them well to be respectful kids. They will see exactly who his family is in time. Continue to talk to them about feelings and about making good choices. You could have it set up for councilling and therapy so they have another outside source to confide in.

Quoting Anonymous 1: How do I explain that to my kids? Bc they will always be told I'm the bad guy from them?

Quoting Anonymous 3: He will continue to put his family before you. You need to move away from them and if he doesn't go with you then it's his loss.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2016 at 11:18 PM
Thank you. My biggest fear is my kids will see past what I have to say and look right at the money. What's given to them at their dads.

Quoting Anonymous 3: You tell them that mommy and daddy get along better separate. You do not bad mouth their father. You raise them well to be respectful kids. They will see exactly who his family is in time. Continue to talk to them about feelings and about making good choices. You could have it set up for councilling and therapy so they have another outside source to confide in.

Quoting Anonymous 1: How do I explain that to my kids? Bc they will always be told I'm the bad guy from them?

Quoting Anonymous 3: He will continue to put his family before you. You need to move away from them and if he doesn't go with you then it's his loss.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Dec. 13, 2016 at 11:35 PM
Bump
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