Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Dd7's teacher clearly dislikes her :/

Posted by Anonymous   + Show Post
Dd7 is in the second grade. She is an exceptionally smart child. She learned to read and write when she was 4 and it came naturally to her. She is strong in math as well. And every other subject. She is given grade 3 and 4 work to keep her challenged in class.

Dd is also extremely hyper sensitive. She has texture issues (oral and physical). She is sensitive to light and sound as well. She gets bored easily, finishes her work, and socializes too much. All classic traits of a gifted kiddo.

At parents night, her teacher was fairly cold and somewhat rude during our time slot. He was upset that dd was reading typical grade 2 novel books. He told her she should be reading the grade 5 novels with smaller words. We agreed with him and DH asked him where in the classroom she would have access to harder books. The teacher said they cannot keep challenging books in the classroom for her because it will discourage her classmates. DH and the teacher debated the logistics of this and we left shortly after.

Time has passed since then. Today I got a call that dd was in the nurses office complaining she had a headache. I asked the receptionist if she felt dd was sick (look off, feel warm, etc) and she said she was warm and flushed. I went to pick her up and was directed to go to her classroom to speak with her teacher.

We head over there and the teacher met with me in an empty classroom. In a frustrated tone, he flat out said "dd is lying. She is not sick." I told him I came because receptionist said she possibly is. He countered "well, she's not. And now you're going to just take her home and reward her for lying?" I sort of lost my cool and replied "first of all, don't call dd a liar. Maybe she is. If that's the case, there must be a reason she feels she needs to come home. Regardless, I'm not going to call my kid a liar before I get the facts straight. Secondly, IF dd is lying, she will not be rewarded for it. If she's home and well, she will be working around the house during school hours. Sick or well, she will have no electronics because in both cases, video games aren't healthy choices". He then said that my dd is too sensitive and I need to work on that at home. I agreed that she is hyper sensitive and has sensory processing challenges that we are working through (which he already knows; I told him at meet the teachers during a meeting and again at parent teacher.

Every day, when I pick the kids up and see this teacher in the halls, I say hello or good afternoon and he walks faster. He does not acknowledge me at all. He seems to loathe my dd and everything she does. Ugh. This year cannot end fast enough :/
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 11, 2017 at 3:30 PM
Replies (101-107):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 28 on Jan. 12, 2017 at 4:56 PM

A meeting will be a good start, maybe a classroom switch if it's feasible. I think alot of people on here just assume that because your child acts like that it must be something you taught them or an issue you haven't put any time into correcting. It's not true though! I hate having to talk to the teachers too though, because I feel like they think I'm trying to get him special treatment when I'm not. His teacher last year expected him to sit quietly and perfectly still after he finished his work until they were done. I cannot count how many times she called me at work to talk to me about his "behavior" when it could have all been averted had she given him extra work, let him read a book, literally allow him to do anything other than sit there silently for sometimes half an hour. Most adults can't do that! I finally got her to concede to making a new rule for everyone in the classroom that when you were done with your work you were allowed to silently read a book at your desk. My DSs doctor didn't think it was autism either, but his teachers had made such a fuss about me going to get him tested because there was obviously something "wrong" with him that I did. It was one of the many reasons we switched him.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Thank you for sharing!!! Your ds sounds JUST like my dd! I have to fight her to cut her nails too. I mark it on a calendar so she knows when nail cutting day is lol and can come to terms with the fact that it's happening. She won't wear jeans or pants with buckles. She will only wear polyester Lycra socks (so there's no fluff). She will vacate a full bath if there is a speck of anything in the water. She will not shower because the water hurts her eyes. She will not eat food with sauces, anything processed, anything that looks ugly, or is too crunchy and wet. She won't eat ice cream with chunks in it (or yogurt with chunks). Man, the list goes on!!! Her dr has assured me she isn't autistic. Just hyper sensitive and gifted. You ask these ladies here and I'm a liar. Yet I've never really bragged about her accomplishments lol It's just this one teacher that seems to dislike dd so far. Her teacher last year enjoyed her. When dd was done her work, she was encouraged to help others. Her teacher adored her and was ok with her extreme dramatics. This year, the teacher doesn't want her to help anyone (which I'm 100% backing him on) and seems to pick at her. Dd told me she knows that he doesn't like her but that's ok because not everyone will like her. She's journaled about it before. We have set up a meeting for next week to sort this all out. Things need to change obviously.
Quoting Anonymous 28:

It's like I'm reading a book about my older son. I have two boys they are 21 months apart to the day. My older boy (he is 8 almost 9 now) is very academically gifted but he's also the most sensitive child I've ever met. My younger son is his polar opposite I feel like, I've raised them both the same way. My older one would (and occasionally still does) cry at the drop of a hat. He would only wear certain types of shoes, wouldn't let people cut his finger nails, doesn't like music or when people are being loud because it hurts his ears, and a number of other things. Honestly I thought he was autistic (he's not, we've had him thoroughly tested). But because of all of this some of his teachers disliked him, because they disliked him they were often cold towards him and he knew they disliked him so it made him uncomfortable and he was even more likely to act out. Honestly it's been annoying. I ended up enrolling him in a social skills group, switching his schools (because the teachers talk and he already had a reputation), and we just constantly work on the sensitivity issues. This morning he had a bit of a moment because I asked him and his little brother to clip their nails before school. Little brother did it just fine, no muss no fuss. I had to explain (again!) that nails are breeding grounds for germs and that's why they need to be kept short. I'm happy to say that he's been much better since I switched his school and he's been in the social skills group, that moment he had this morning was the first one in a while. There is hope OP!


Anonymous
by Anonymous 27 on Jan. 12, 2017 at 5:19 PM
Lmao, nobody said the LIBRARY couldn't provide books, but that isn't what was said by dad or by you. Library providing is not the same as the teacher providing them. The girl is getting an education and according to her mom in an advanced program, so she already getting what she's entitled to.

Quoting Anonymous 25: First of she's entitled to a free quality education and she's an advanced 7 yr old, there's no reason why the school library can't provide him with books on her level to keep her motivated and engaged in class which would prevent her from having so much time to be disruptive. The teacher personally shouldn't provide the books, the school system should.

Quoting Anonymous 27: Wait why should the teacher provide the books? He shouldn't be paying for them and there is no reason parents or a library can't provide the books. That's what we do, it doesn't make sense for the school to pay for books for one or two children in a class. I find it so odd how some of you think you don't have to provide a damn thing for your child and just expect schools and teachers to do it.

If her child is CONSTANTLY disrupting the class of course the teacher will be frustrated, especially if parents aren't truly helping the situation.

Lol at he's in the wrong. Yes bc parents are always right.

Quoting Anonymous 25: Sounds like she needs an IEP. But I would speak to the principal regardless of the teacher's feelings about it. If he can't handle keeping her engaged in class and doesn't have a tolerance for her differences then that needs to be addressed. If she needs more challenging books, the teacher should be providing them in class or she should be moved to a higher level class that will provide the right environment for her. He is in the wrong.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 25 on Jan. 12, 2017 at 5:51 PM
My point was it's the school library and the teacher should request books on her level from the library for his class.

Quoting Anonymous 27: Lmao, nobody said the LIBRARY couldn't provide books, but that isn't what was said by dad or by you. Library providing is not the same as the teacher providing them. The girl is getting an education and according to her mom in an advanced program, so she already getting what she's entitled to.

Quoting Anonymous 25: First of she's entitled to a free quality education and she's an advanced 7 yr old, there's no reason why the school library can't provide him with books on her level to keep her motivated and engaged in class which would prevent her from having so much time to be disruptive. The teacher personally shouldn't provide the books, the school system should.

Quoting Anonymous 27: Wait why should the teacher provide the books? He shouldn't be paying for them and there is no reason parents or a library can't provide the books. That's what we do, it doesn't make sense for the school to pay for books for one or two children in a class. I find it so odd how some of you think you don't have to provide a damn thing for your child and just expect schools and teachers to do it.

If her child is CONSTANTLY disrupting the class of course the teacher will be frustrated, especially if parents aren't truly helping the situation.

Lol at he's in the wrong. Yes bc parents are always right.

Quoting Anonymous 25: Sounds like she needs an IEP. But I would speak to the principal regardless of the teacher's feelings about it. If he can't handle keeping her engaged in class and doesn't have a tolerance for her differences then that needs to be addressed. If she needs more challenging books, the teacher should be providing them in class or she should be moved to a higher level class that will provide the right environment for her. He is in the wrong.
PPCLC
by AZ Lizard on Jan. 12, 2017 at 7:35 PM

I wasn't necessarily considering autism but you've written she doesn't display any other autistic qualities yet "maybe she's on the spectrum." So are you sure?

So again, I am wondering if something else isn't going on. Typically when a child is referred to as "gifted," it's due to their academic excellence and exceeding educational expectations. Some of the things you've mentioned denote the possibility of more going on.

I do have a question for you...do you feel that her being gifted affords a right to different, special privileges at school?

Quoting Anonymous 1: https://www.nagc.org/resources-publications/resources/my-child-gifted/common-characteristics-gifted-individuals Notice the: -Deep intense feelings and reactions -Sensitive Classic gifted kid. My dd fits this bill. We have discussed her issues with her paediatrician (her food aversions being the most problematic at home) and he flat out said its because she is gifted. He does not feel autism is an issue with her. She does not display any other autistic qualities. Maybe she's on the spectrum. But her dr doesn't think that's the case here. I called the vice principal and had a conversation with her. We have a meeting set up next week.
Quoting PPCLC:

I am curious where you've been told that these traits are "classic" of a gifted child?

It almost sounds like something else might be going on.

As for the rest of the situation, ask for a meeting with you, your spouse, the teacher, the principal, and your child. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: Dd is also extremely hyper sensitive. She has texture issues (oral and physical). She is sensitive to light and sound as well. She gets bored easily, finishes her work, and socializes too much. All classic traits of a gifted kiddo. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 30 on Jan. 12, 2017 at 7:39 PM

get her tested for sensory processing disorder. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 12, 2017 at 8:04 PM
Umm... Dad did not ask the teacher to buy her books. Lmfao! Dads biggest issue was that the teacher was criticizing dd for not choosing more difficult novels from the bin when there were no novels at her level in the bin. When dad requested that there be novels at her level in the bin for dd, he meant existing school novels or library books. There was zero expectation of the school purchasing specific novels for dd.

For the record, dad is the most non confrontational man in the existence of men. He doesn't get his gitchies in knots often. However, the aggressive tone the teacher used while speaking to dd, and the fact that he was accusing her of being lazy (yes, he used that word) because she wasn't reading more challenging books, really got under his skin. He's human. And that's his princess. So I don't blame DH in the slightest for getting his back hairs raised.

Quoting Anonymous 27: Lmao, nobody said the LIBRARY couldn't provide books, but that isn't what was said by dad or by you. Library providing is not the same as the teacher providing them. The girl is getting an education and according to her mom in an advanced program, so she already getting what she's entitled to.

Quoting Anonymous 25: First of she's entitled to a free quality education and she's an advanced 7 yr old, there's no reason why the school library can't provide him with books on her level to keep her motivated and engaged in class which would prevent her from having so much time to be disruptive. The teacher personally shouldn't provide the books, the school system should.

Quoting Anonymous 27: Wait why should the teacher provide the books? He shouldn't be paying for them and there is no reason parents or a library can't provide the books. That's what we do, it doesn't make sense for the school to pay for books for one or two children in a class. I find it so odd how some of you think you don't have to provide a damn thing for your child and just expect schools and teachers to do it.

If her child is CONSTANTLY disrupting the class of course the teacher will be frustrated, especially if parents aren't truly helping the situation.

Lol at he's in the wrong. Yes bc parents are always right.

Quoting Anonymous 25: Sounds like she needs an IEP. But I would speak to the principal regardless of the teacher's feelings about it. If he can't handle keeping her engaged in class and doesn't have a tolerance for her differences then that needs to be addressed. If she needs more challenging books, the teacher should be providing them in class or she should be moved to a higher level class that will provide the right environment for her. He is in the wrong.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 12, 2017 at 8:20 PM
I have met a lot of people who I think could possibly be slightly autistic. I'm just saying who really knows. Her dr doesn't think there's enough reasons to test her. Especially because her most troubling issues are characteristics of gifted children and is gifted.

If you told dd she's gifted, she'd have little to no idea what you're talking about. She knows she's doing an accelerated program, yes. But that's it. And I've requested that no one in her school uses the term with her as well. I'm not about to have it all go to her head. I want her to be humble and not view herself as superior in any way. Also, I'm adamant in telling her and all of my children that academics is a poor way to measure intelligence. I surely do NOT expect or ask that dd receives special privileges. I expect the polar opposite.

Quoting PPCLC:

I wasn't necessarily considering autism but you've written she doesn't display any other autistic qualities yet "maybe she's on the spectrum." So are you sure?

So again, I am wondering if something else isn't going on. Typically when a child is referred to as "gifted," it's due to their academic excellence and exceeding educational expectations. Some of the things you've mentioned denote the possibility of more going on.

I do have a question for you...do you feel that her being gifted affords a right to different, special privileges at school?

Quoting Anonymous 1: https://www.nagc.org/resources-publications/resources/my-child-gifted/common-characteristics-gifted-individuals

Notice the:

-Deep intense feelings and reactions
-Sensitive

Classic gifted kid. My dd fits this bill. We have discussed her issues with her paediatrician (her food aversions being the most problematic at home) and he flat out said its because she is gifted. He does not feel autism is an issue with her. She does not display any other autistic qualities. Maybe she's on the spectrum. But her dr doesn't think that's the case here.

I called the vice principal and had a conversation with her. We have a meeting set up next week.

Quoting PPCLC:

I am curious where you've been told that these traits are "classic" of a gifted child?

It almost sounds like something else might be going on.

As for the rest of the situation, ask for a meeting with you, your spouse, the teacher, the principal, and your child. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: Dd is also extremely hyper sensitive. She has texture issues (oral and physical). She is sensitive to light and sound as well. She gets bored easily, finishes her work, and socializes too much. All classic traits of a gifted kiddo. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)