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What would you do?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 25 Replies
Ok, I'm going to try to keep this short.

I found out I was pregnant and dh wasn't happy about it. He wanted me to abort. I told him no and reminded him that that was one of the things I made clear before we even started dating (in the getting to know each other phase), that, although I'm pro choice, it's not a choice I'll make for myself.

Now, I'm 31 weeks pregnant. He's had pretty much nothing to do with anything baby related the entire pregnancy. The only thing he has done was take his lunch break to watch dd3 during an ultrasound at 20 weeks because I'm not allowed to bring her in.

My family and I have been the only ones preparing for her arrival. We're the only ones who have bought things she'll need. I receive weekly Makena injections and have to see a high risk OB and get frequent ultrasounds and he never even asks how I'm feeling or how she's doing.

At around 15 weeks, I told him the name I liked for her. He said he didn't like it. I asked him to come up with other names he did like. He never did (until night before last). So, since he didn't bother looking for other names, I decided we would just use the one I liked. Then, night before last, he comes to me and says he'd like to name the baby Kira. It's not a bad name so I told him I'd consider it.

Well, I decided that, although it's not a bad name, I don't like it. Since he doesn't like the name that I chose (Maizey), I decided I would work with him and see if we could come up with something we both like. I asked him what he thinks of Hazel or Zuri. He got mad at me! He goes on and on about how there is nothing wrong with the name he chose and what not.

Ok, this is getting long. Basically, I feel that at this point, him having a say is merely a courtesy. I know it sounds harsh but he has barely even acknowledged the pregnancy since we found out in July. He's wanted nothing to do with anything when it comes to the baby. He took HIMSELF out of the equation. Part of me feels like he shouldn't even have a say in anything. However, she is his daughter which is why I'm trying to compromise with him.

I told him 16 weeks ago to start looking at other names and he chose not to. I'm angry at him but I'm trying to be understanding of his position. Even still, I almost feel like I should tell him I'm not giving him a say at all. He hasn't had an interest in anything else. Why start now?

Just to add in here, this pregnancy has really separated us. We no longer sleep together, we haven't been intimate since about September, and we barely communicate anymore. I choose to sleep apart from him bc of all the tension, but the rest is on him.

What would you do in this situation?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 13, 2017 at 8:27 AM
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Replies (1-10):
owl0210
by Sapphire Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 8:28 AM
Divorce
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 8:31 AM
Leave before things get worse
zombiemegg
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 8:33 AM
I would consider divorce. You are married and he isn't helping with or wanting this baby. That would be a major issue for me.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 8:34 AM
You are beating a dead horse....
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 8:34 AM
I'd pick the name I like, Hazel is perfect btw, and I'd tell him to go suck a bean
jd83
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 8:36 AM

To be honest, I'd be seeking marriage counseling at a minimum. You both being on such opposite spectrums regarding this baby seems to be causing some major issues in your family, and those are the much bigger issue than just deciding on a name, etc. I wouldn't even keep discussing the name at this point. You need to figure out these marriage issues. Sleeping separately, not acknowleging one another, not being intimate, not communicating....you can't continue like this. You have a new baby coming that doesn't deserve to be treated as unwanted by him. She's innocent in all this. He needs to work through whatever issues he has with this, or I don't know that you can make this work, because your baby does NOT deserve to be unloved, and pushed aside by her own father on a daily basis. You know that's what's coming by his actions this whole pregnancy, if you don't get this situation worked out.

jcm3
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 8:39 AM
Work on you marriage maybe that is his why of saying he is happy to have another kid.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 8:40 AM
He's not going to change. If you think it's hard now wait until the baby gets here.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 8:40 AM
Divorce, I would never bring another child in a situation like that.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 7 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 8:40 AM
Why was he so against another pregnancy? I'd have to know his side to make a judgement.
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