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SO – If you expect stepparents to love their stepchildren like their own…

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 95 Replies
3 moms liked this

Do you also expect stepkids to love their stepparents like their biological parents?

I’m not the OP, but the replies on her post made me wonder…

Everyone seems to be appalled at her claim that she doesn’t love her stepkids like she does her own children. People are asking why she got married if she wasn’t willing to accept her stepkids, or telling her that her marriage is doomed to fail. We see step- topics all the time in here and stepparents are routinely reminded that they aren’t “Mom” or “Dad,” and that the only ones responsible for the stepkids are their biological parents. In this case, OP is vilified because she doesn’t want to babysit, but how often have we seen people suggest ROFRs to keep stepparents away?

So, is this just another stepparent double standard? If you think that stepparents are required to love their stepkids like their own, do you also expect a stepkid to love their stepparents like their do their biological parents? It takes everyone to successfully “blend” a family. If you expect an SM to “blend,” you are also expecting the stepkids to “blend” – which is something that not every kid (or stepparent) is comfortable with. If you think “stepkid” is a dirty word and stepparents should refer to all minors as their “kid,” would you also expect for the children to refer to their stepparent as “Mom” or “Dad”?

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 13, 2017 at 10:52 AM
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Replies (1-10):
GLO682
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 10:53 AM
6 moms liked this

a step kid is a child.

i don't have those expectations from CHILDREN.

and to be clear i dont think the love that you have for your child/ or step child  should even be compared or measured. its enough to just love them.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 10:53 AM
It was my op and this is exactly why I made it. All good questions. And not one way fits every circumstance.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 10:54 AM
I don't know how my dd feels about my dh but dh loves my dd very much.
SergeantSausage
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 10:55 AM
4 moms liked this

I wouldn't expect a step parent to love my kid like their own but you damn well better treat my kid with the same respect you show your own kid. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 10:57 AM

I loved my stepparents like my mom and dad. I would hope they loved me the same, but to be honest my step mother has loved me more than my own mother. There is no question about it.

AllieReed
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 10:58 AM
Exactly

Quoting SergeantSausage:

I wouldn't expect a step parent to love my kid like their own but you damn well better treat my kid with the same respect you show your own kid. 

rousefam5
by Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 11:01 AM

Such a dirverse topic. No "one" answer will be right for the next person. You guys should put this topic to bed...just say'n. Either that or take a poll "who breast fed and who didnt". That will get ladies going. lol

sandylanes270
by Platinum Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this
All I know is that I'm glad I don't have any step kids whom I'm required to love, but then told to buzz off any other time.

Why aren't their parents, who always freak out if step mom steps out of her lane, completely fulfilling the parental love requirements anyway?
Smari
by Bronze Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 11:02 AM

 

Quoting GLO682:

a step kid is a child.

i don't have those expectations from CHILDREN.

and to be clear i dont think the love that you have for your child/ or step child  should even be compared or measured. its enough to just love them.

 Exactly, it is up to the PARENT to set the example, and hopefully the child will feel loved so they won't have to be defensive. It should be your priority as a step parent and spouse to try to ease the transition. That goes for the bio parent as well. They need to make it a priority.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 11:02 AM
1 mom liked this
I couldn't be with my SO if I didn't love his children the way I do mine and it is the same for him.

"Step" doesn't exist in our home.

Our children are happier for it.
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