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So pissed at this teacher! *VERY LONG*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 140 Replies
*I am going to preface this with saying this is a long post so please leave if you're just gonna say tldr. You have been warned*

I could flip on DD's first grade teacher. Back in November I had my parent/teacher conference with the first grade teacher. During which time she started talking about her concerns with DD's behavior in class. She stated that after about 5 minutes sitting on the rug as a class DD starts to wiggle move around and some times make noises, she has a habit of putting her hands or random objects in her mouth, and DD has a habit of "spacing out" during timed work and doesn't always complete things in the amount of time given. She followed this with telling me I need to talk to DD's doctor about what to do about these behaviors. I already knew the putting things in her mouth issue is anxiety related. The teacher was having DD give up her recess time to complete work. I immediately told her that she was no longer to do that. DD is 6 and needs that 25 minutes of physical activity. DD is approval driven. To DD grades are a form of approval. I told her from that point on that DD was not to be given more time, that she needs a more visual consequence for poor time managemen, and that visual is a lower grade on assignments. The teacher began arguing with "if it was my child I would not be ok with that". I told her DD is not her child, she is mine, and the only way she will learn this is too see true consequences. I also do not want to end up having to deal with a high school student, later on, who has to then learn to finish work on time. The teacher wasn't happy, but honestly I didn't care. She just went back to insisting I talk to DD's doctor about what to do about what yo do about DD's behavior. My best friend, who is a social worker, and I put our heads together to try to come up with some ideas to help curb some of the behavior. The putting things in her mouth was previously discussed with her doctor, and found to be anxiety driven. We came up with what we called chewy necklaces. We made 3 necklaces with beads of different shapes, sizes, and textures. DD now wears one to school every day. It's helped a lot.

It just so happened that the week after my conference with the teacher was American Education week. I spent a half a day observing DD's behavior in class. She started the moving around and such while the class was all sitting on the rug, listening to the teacher talk. It was obvious to me that DD was bored. Not excusing her behavior, but I was seeing what was going on. I have had several conversations with DD about it since.

About 2 weeks before Christmas break her teacher called to "discuss DD's behavior" again. More of the same, moving around, and such. She was doing better with putting things in her mouth. At that point the teacher tells me that in the course of 3 weeks she had counted 6 times DD put things in her mouth. All 6 times DD was not wearing one of her necklaces. She then insists, again, that I talk to her doctor about DD's behavior. She also wanted to make sure that I still wanted to have her not give DD more time on assignments as there was a timed assessment the following day she was worried about. I enforced again that DD not be given more time, and get a lower grade if she did not complete the assessment in time. After I got off the phone with the teacher I called DD's doctor, and made an appointment. I followed that up with emailing the teacher requesting a written list of her concerns. It took two emails to her to get a response, and that was pretty vague.

The same day I finally get a response, I pick DD up from after school care to find her in different pants than I sent her to school in, and instructions to send extra clothes for DD to keep in her locker. Come to find out DD had an accident in class. The reason for the accident was because the teacher ignored DD's raised hand to go to the bathroom for so long DD couldn't hold it any more, and had an accident. I was pissed about that, and the fact that I did not even get a phone call about her having an accident.

On January 10th I took DD, and the teacher's list on concerns to the doctor. The doctor read over it, and said it sounds like she's bored, but she does need to learn to follow the rules which I completely agree with. He had no suggestions, and said he had to at least show the teacher he was listening so he sent 3 copies of the Vanderbilt Assessment home for myself, and the teacher to fill out. When I dropped off DD at school, I have the teacher the assessment.

Yesterday I receive a call from the vice principal of the school, who was very confused. The teacher gave her the Vanderbilt Assessment to fill out. She is the head of the Special Education department, and she did not understand why I or DD's doctor want the assessment done on DD. When I told her about the conversations, and email from the teacher concerning DD's behavior in class, this is what the doctor sent home. She immediately said "what behavior". I was caught a bit off guard, but told her everything the teacher had said. The vice principal was not happy, AT ALL. She said that she knew nothing about any of it. That being she is the head of the Special Education department, the teacher is to come to her, and the guidance councilor first to discuss her concerns. She is NOT supposed to go to the parents first. That it is the responsibilty of her to set up a meeting with me for a discussion about the concerns, and request approval to do an in class observation first. That the Vanderbilt Assessment is the final step in a process of helping DD, if she has specific needs, and that would be done ONLY if it would be needed as part of an IEP. She said unless I want her to do the Vanderbilt Assessment, she refused to do it because she feels 6 is too young for that assessment, once it's done it's done, and will following DD through her school career. She felt at this time it is not even close to necessary. She felt DD is behaving like most 6 year olds due when requested to sit in one place, and simply listen for more than a few minutes. She said she was going to speak to the teacher about the inappropriate manner this situation was handled, and requested I forward her the email from the teacher. I did tell her that if she and the guidance councilor find it necessary to observe DD they have my approval. She said she would talk to the guidance counciler, but did not believe it would be necessary. I did also make her aware of the incident in which DD had the accident, and that I did inform DD if, in the future she is getting to the point of no longer being able to wait to use the bathroom, to just go, I would deal with any issues that came of it. The vice principal wasn't happy about that incident either. By the end of the conversation I felt a lot better, but I am PISSED at this teacher! If it wasn't so late in the school year, I would do all I could to get DD switched to another class. Ugh. This stuff is ridiculous.

Thanks for reading my long, possibly misspelled, venting post!
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 13, 2017 at 6:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 7:05 PM
Teacher is LUCKY she DID NOT get FIRED!!!!!!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 13, 2017 at 7:07 PM
1 mom liked this
I am on the fence on that. She does have children so I would feel for the children, but I am not a fan of her as a teacher.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Teacher is LUCKY she DID NOT get FIRED!!!!!!!
AmiJanell
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 7:09 PM

Maybe after the vice principal talks to her, she'll stop being a problem.  Does your daughter pick up on any of the negativity from the teacher (is she treating her poorly)?

I have a friend who had a similar experience with her son... and it was so sad, her son, as a 1st grader really started to think poorly of himself because his teacher was so terrible and forever on his case about typical little kid things. They moved to a different school this year and he's doing great.  

If you start seeing it affecting your daughter... change classes no matter how much time is left. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 13, 2017 at 7:13 PM
I am definitely watching for that. At the first sign of issues I'll be going to the vice principal.

Quoting AmiJanell:

Maybe after the vice principal talks to her, she'll stop being a problem.  Does your daughter pick up on any of the negativity from the teacher (is she treating her poorly)?

I have a friend who had a similar experience with her son... and it was so sad, her son, as a 1st grader really started to think poorly of himself because his teacher was so terrible and forever on his case about typical little kid things. They moved to a different school this year and he's doing great.  

If you start seeing it affecting your daughter... change classes no matter how much time is left. 

mommytoeandb
by Ruby Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 7:14 PM

Did she specifically ask you to do the assessment?  It sounds like she just sent you the concerns and you brought them to your pediatrician (which, any concerned parent would do).  DD (13) does have ADHD and was diagnosed at age 6.  Nobody at the school ever asked me to get her tested.  From what I have been told, the teachers can use buzz words but not outright suggest a diagnosis.  

Going through the special education department for every behavior issue seems absurd.  I've always been contacted directly by teachers (or the principal...fun times).  

And, DD was also bored.  She tested into the gifted program in 4th grade.  No issues now in 8th grade.  :) 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 7:19 PM
It sounds like (from your very long but well written op) the teacher has a problem with your child. I would I insist on your child being placed in another class immediately, regardless how late in the year it is
4ofSpades
by on Jan. 13, 2017 at 7:19 PM
You have every right to be angry. I'd bypass that teacher from now on or make-sure there is always another teacher, counselor, or principal when you have discussions. You're doing a great job for your kid!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 13, 2017 at 7:23 PM
She didn't specifically ask for the assessment, but she wanted me to talk to her doctor about DD's behavior. This school has a very good special education program, and the head of the department is to be notified about concerns of behavior so she can see if there is really need for concern, or if it's just typical, age related behavior. It's the policy at this school, and in our district.

Quoting mommytoeandb:

Did she specifically ask you to do the assessment?  It sounds like she just sent you the concerns and you brought them to your pediatrician (which, any concerned parent would do).  DD (13) does have ADHD and was diagnosed at age 6.  Nobody at the school ever asked me to get her tested.  From what I have been told, the teachers can use buzz words but not outright suggest a diagnosis.  Going through the special education department for every behavior issue seems absurd.  I've always been contacted directly by teachers (or the principal...fun times).  And, DD was also bored.  She tested into the gifted program in 4th grade.  No issues now in 8th grade.  :) 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 13, 2017 at 7:24 PM
As a parent and a teacher I def think the teacher (maybe she's young?) has no clue how to go about assessing a child who may have issues and speaking with the parents and other school personnel about her concerns.
As far as assessing your child for educational or psychological problems, 6 is not too young, but the child must be assessed properly.
I told my son the same thing about the bathroom. You must ask to use the bathroom, but if the teacher ignores you or refuses to let you and it's an emergency, just getbup and go. If there's an issue where a child is abusing the bathroom privileges then the parent must be contacted to let them know of the problem and see if there's an underlying issue.
superbutt
by Gold Member on Jan. 13, 2017 at 7:25 PM
i agree with the way you handled it.
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