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Thoughts on step kids and cleaning

Posted by Anonymous
  • 26 Replies
I have a 15 year old SD and we have 2 young children together (5 and 1). SD is with us every Wednesday-Friday and on my husbands weekends she's with us Wednesday-Monday (morning). I have 2 young children to clean up after. I told my husband we really need to establish cleaning stuff for her. Little things- dust your furniture in your room and put away your laundry, clean the toilet, sink and bathtub upstairs (she's the only one who uses it right now because our younger ones are in our bathroom because it's easier), and just keep the bedroom picked up. We have 5 bedrooms and 3 1/2 bathrooms so I have enough to clean and I think at 15 years old she should be able to handle these things. My husband kind of agrees but doesn't enforce anything because he feels bad. She has a lot of friends here that she's grown up with, her mom lives on a really pretty ranch so she doesn't have friends around there. So, my husband thinks she should just be able to "live" and "be a kid", which to some extent I agree with but I'm not asking much. Just clean what you get dirty. I do everyone's laundry, dishes, etc. All I want her to do is be responsible for her bedroom and bathroom upstairs.
Our 5 year old has been responsible for putting away his toys since he was 3, he loves doing it and has fun doing it. He likes to put his clothes away and *tries* to make his bed in the morning so it's not like I'm just singling my SD out.
I've been in her life since she was 2 so we are very close but I've always left the parenting and enforcing of rules up to my husband because I don't want anything coming back to bite me later!
What do you guys think?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:13 AM
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Replies (1-10):
by Gold Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:44 AM
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She's part of your family, not a guest. If she was your bio child together, she'd be doing chores, right? Your 5 year old should be doing a few little chores, too.
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:49 AM
Part of being a kid is learning responsibility, so I agree with you needs chores.
by Grammar Enthusiast on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:49 AM
She definitely needs to do her part.
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:50 AM
I'd make her clean her room and perhaps help with cleaning dishes after dinner sometimes. Other than that, I'd leave her alone. I'm not into teenage drama. The little help I would get isn't worth the headache in my opinion.
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:50 AM
When my SKS are here in summer they are expected to help just like my kids are. Everyone has chores.
by Ruby Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:51 AM
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You're not asking her to clean up after the younger children, or do anything outside of clean up her personal living space.  It shouldn't take that long to get the job done, and the responsibility is important.  If it were my kid I would be having him do much more than that, so I don't see why a SK can't asked to do the same.  

by Bronze Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:53 AM
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there is NOTHING wrong with that girl having a few responsibilities and i promise you, she is not going to be traumatized and scarred by it

of course you should not have her on her knees scrubbing floors like she is Cinderella, but a lil picking up after herself is hardly abusive...

go ahead and expect nothing from her now....just wait until she is in the real world...gonna go over and clean her bathroom for her and do her dusting because life is tough and she has to work and shouldn't have to be bothered with these other things?

she needs to start learning, as your other children are, about personal longer you wait, the worse it is gonna be when she gets out there and no one is feeling her lil boohoo over having to be responsible for these kinds of basic life requirements

Owner-Caretakers of At-Risk Teens...a safe space to find support and input among those who support/advocate for kids in crisis

by Bahama Mama on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:53 AM
She should be helping out with cleaning. She lives in the home.
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:55 AM

Not a bad request. She should be doing this.

by Ruby Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 7:58 AM
She is a a family member not a guest, so she needs to contribute.

I would tell dh you will talk to her. If he isn't willing to be a parent you will. She can do these Simple chores and still have time for her friends.

Tell her it's time she pulls her share and give her a list. If she doesn't do the chores weekly she loses time with friends.
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