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The road works both ways

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies
My dh and I have 5 kids ages 16-2. Last year we moved 4 hours away because of a promotion. We try to go back to hometown every two months. We leave Friday night and check into the hotel around 10 pm,spend Saturday with family and leave Sunday morning, well evidently all parents are super passed. They feel that isn't enough time and that we should spend more weekends. My husband and I feel that if they want to see us more then they can make the trip. Both sets feel that since we moved away it is our responsibility to visit. When is it ok to tell them that the road works both ways. The guilt trips are so bad that it is making ALL of us extremely uncomfortable and we are dreading the visits. So what can we do
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 18, 2017 at 8:56 AM
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Replies (1-8):
Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:02 AM

Explain that you moved, and they are welcome to visit you, but visiting with 5 kids is impractical.

Then, make a home for yourself where you are.  If they are interested in seeing you, they will visit.  If not, well, they won't.

People move.  I moved away from my home "area" 22 years ago, with my kids being an infant, toddler, preschooler, and young teenager.  1000 miles away and didn't go back for a year.

They will be upset, but YOU need to cut the cord.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:03 AM

Fuck it
you're the one with the kids...they can come to YOU

I think it sucks that the kids have to spend hours in a car because grandma and grandpa won't come see them

My parents are kind of doing this
They retired last year and decided they didn't like the weather and moved from washington state to florida
They keep asking when we're going to visit and how much they miss the kids blah blah blah blah
Well I don't have money to fly dh, myself and five kids to florida.....YOU moved...YOU fly back and visit

simplemom
by Gold Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:04 AM
Invite them up for the weekend.
GloryDaze
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:05 AM
Been there. Dealt with this. We're also four hours away and were the only ones making then l--o--n--g drive to see dh's family. Eight hour drive in one day because we didn't do hotels like you do.
We stopped. You just have to put your foot down and stop. Set up video chats with them if you want but don't feel guilty. Are the parents physically able to drive? If so, there's no reason why they can't take on half the burden.
ilovemykids323
by Emerald Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:07 AM

i would tell them that they are welcome to come to you guys and for now you will stick to your original plan. if they want to still bitch i would just skip visits for awhile. i'm the one that always has to do everything and plan everything and go to everyone. i get annoyed i've stopped. it's worth it. 

STVUstudent
by Ruby Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:07 AM

yeah, just tell them.  you tell your parents, DH can tell his.  If they want to see the family more often they can make the trek once in awhile. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:07 AM
We have. As stated in the OP they feel that since we moved we should bear the responsibility of traveling

Quoting simplemom: Invite them up for the weekend.
VegetaPrincess
by Platinum Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:14 AM

Then shrug and say you're not willing to travel anymore than you already are. If it's still a problem for it, then it's their problem. 

If the guilt trips keep up, I'd tell them the visits are becoming unpleasant and we're thinking of stopping them. 

But I put up with way too much shit like this when I was younger. I regret it. I really believe it actually destroyed some relationships even though I was trying like hell to maintain them. I recommend putting your foot down now, and hard. Healthy relationships require boundaries. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: We have. As stated in the OP they feel that since we moved we should bear the responsibility of traveling
Quoting simplemom: Invite them up for the weekend.


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