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How can I change

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 8 Replies
I get so mad at dh because he is so rough with the kids. He doesn't hurt them and isn't physically abusive but he's so upbrupt with them when they anger him. I've worked really hard to change my behavior with them and they've told me they can tell. I'm working on doing timeouts instead of yelling (both myself having timeouts as well as the kids) it seems to be working, that is as long as dh isn't around. His attitude is contagious and ds (10 y/o) hides from him and complains he's scared of him. I've started stepping in when I see dh getting mean I can tell dh doesn't like it. I've done it in the past and we almost divorced because he feels I'm overstepping and undermining him. How can I change, not undermining him, but still ensuring my kids feel safe?
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:18 PM
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Replies (1-8):
imstilljenny
by Gold Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:21 PM
1 mom liked this
I got goosebumps when you used the term "undermining" him. You know the answer to this already. If your kids are that scared of him and they are hiding from him, he's abusive and you damn well know it. You have to stop that shit.
12345abcde54321
by Ruby Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 9:22 PM
I wouldn't change a thing.
And stop apologizing.
Let him know that no, he won't be speaking to your kids that way. Who cares if he's mad? Intervene every time, unapologetically. Take them out of the house of you have to, if it's that bad
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 18, 2017 at 11:51 PM

bump

iwicked
by Sugar Magnolia on Jan. 18, 2017 at 11:53 PM
Your Dh is abusing your children. You need to advocate for them. Either he gets help or gets out.
talktojonell
by Silver Member on Jan. 18, 2017 at 11:58 PM
Asking strangers on the internet questions you already know the answers to is a waste of time for everyone.

Protect your damn kids! Do Your Job!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 19, 2017 at 12:01 AM
Ask him to come to your guys room or something to talk. Distract him. You shouldn't have to live that way though, he needs to keep himself under control.
MixedCooke
by Ruby Member on Jan. 19, 2017 at 4:20 AM

Ask him if he would rather his kids FEAR him or respect him.  His answer will tell you what you need to do next.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 19, 2017 at 4:25 AM
Your kids are afraid of their father, he is abusing them. He needs anger management, parenting classes, and probably therapy. Your kids need therapy at this point as well. This needs to stop now.
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