• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

desperate for real advice

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 22 Replies
I have been single almost four whole years after my marriage ended in his infidelity. I have begun dating, been together roughly ten weeks. He's young, in his 20's, but seems very mature and has, it seems, less of a sex drive than I.
In the very beginning we would kiss a lot more and now we're still quite touchy, as far as hugs and things, but we rarely have sex although we see eachother often. He also makes comments that I'm a perv, joking I suppose but somewhere serioys, because I'm much more aggressive.
I don't think this early on is healthy to feel undesired. But perhaps I need/expect too much physical togetherness?
Can you ladies remember the first few months of your happy relationship and tell me if I'm just too needy. Thank you.
Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 26, 2017 at 12:28 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 26, 2017 at 12:37 PM
1 mom liked this

Not everyone- even men in their 20s- have a high sex drive. He could have a low one and it could have nothing to do with you being "desirable" or not. But if it's something that bothers you, you don't have to settle for it. You can either bring it up and talk about it, or end the relationship.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 26, 2017 at 12:38 PM
Cont...I feel rejected often as well. The other night he rejected a kiss because he didn't like my peppermint chapstick. Last night I was just being snuggly on the couch and pecked him on the lips and he said no sex because we had his dog with us. Wtf. Claims he was just kidding. There are other little examples but I can't think of them all.
He's super funny, gorgeous, great with my preteen. I trust him. But I feel like the physical is somewhat lacking.
lalalamama
by on Jan. 26, 2017 at 12:38 PM
Nothing wrong with either of you but you're obviously not sexually compatible. Sex is such an important part of a relationship! Your sex drives are so different that you'll both end up frustrated with each other. The fact that he puts the blame on you (joking or not) shows he's unwilling to change anything from his end. (porn has displaced sex IRL for many young males but that's just my opinion).
I wouldn't want to contemplate a long term relationship knowing from the start that I'll be sexually frustrated.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 26, 2017 at 12:44 PM
We all the different things, so I think now is a good time to sit him down and let him know that you don't want him to feel uncomfortable or pushed into anything, but you really feel like you are lacking some attention and intimacy from him. Maybe he doesn't realize you feel this way and is willing to put more of an effort into making you feel wanted. Or maybe he's just not a very sexual person, and in that case then you have the information you need to make a decision to stay and try and work through it, or look for someone who more closely matches your sex drive.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 26, 2017 at 12:44 PM

We had sex so much in the early days, he spent a lot on condoms.  We don't do it like that now but we have kids, jobs and he has some medical issues. 

It sounds like you and this guy are not sexually compatible and if he's already trying to joke and passive aggressively deal with it by calling you a perv, it doesn't bode well.

Maime13
by Platinum Member on Jan. 26, 2017 at 12:46 PM
1 mom liked this

To me, this would be a deal breaker. Does he think that all physical contact=sex? Like, there is no touching unless it's ramping up to sex?

For me, the things you describe would be a deal breaker. It's not a judgement on him, but it wouldn't work for me. I need more from my partner.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Cont...I feel rejected often as well. The other night he rejected a kiss because he didn't like my peppermint chapstick. Last night I was just being snuggly on the couch and pecked him on the lips and he said no sex because we had his dog with us. Wtf. Claims he was just kidding. There are other little examples but I can't think of them all. He's super funny, gorgeous, great with my preteen. I trust him. But I feel like the physical is somewhat lacking.


CorpCityGrl
by Ruby Member on Jan. 26, 2017 at 12:47 PM

He may just not be a sexual person and you two aren't compatible sexually, which can be really frustrating. Honestly, his rebuffs would bother me too - they put blame of you and are passive aggressive. Ultimately, you'll have to decide if you can live with his lack of sexual desire.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 26, 2017 at 12:56 PM
Pass. He's not that into you for whatever reason.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Cont...I feel rejected often as well. The other night he rejected a kiss because he didn't like my peppermint chapstick. Last night I was just being snuggly on the couch and pecked him on the lips and he said no sex because we had his dog with us. Wtf. Claims he was just kidding. There are other little examples but I can't think of them all.
He's super funny, gorgeous, great with my preteen. I trust him. But I feel like the physical is somewhat lacking.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 26, 2017 at 1:18 PM
That may not be true. He just may not be that into sex. Some men are like that.

Quoting Anonymous 5: Pass. He's not that into you for whatever reason.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Cont...I feel rejected often as well. The other night he rejected a kiss because he didn't like my peppermint chapstick. Last night I was just being snuggly on the couch and pecked him on the lips and he said no sex because we had his dog with us. Wtf. Claims he was just kidding. There are other little examples but I can't think of them all.
He's super funny, gorgeous, great with my preteen. I trust him. But I feel like the physical is somewhat lacking.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 26, 2017 at 1:22 PM
1 mom liked this

Eh....its not just a sex thing. He doesn't seem to crave any physical contact, kisses, ect from her and their relationship is fresh.

Maybe thats just how he is. Maybe (I doubt it). But, if they have such a wide divide in levels of affection amongst other things she isn't going to be happy. Pass.

Quoting Anonymous 6: That may not be true. He just may not be that into sex. Some men are like that.
Quoting Anonymous 5: Pass. He's not that into you for whatever reason.
Quoting Anonymous 1: Cont...I feel rejected often as well. The other night he rejected a kiss because he didn't like my peppermint chapstick. Last night I was just being snuggly on the couch and pecked him on the lips and he said no sex because we had his dog with us. Wtf. Claims he was just kidding. There are other little examples but I can't think of them all. He's super funny, gorgeous, great with my preteen. I trust him. But I feel like the physical is somewhat lacking.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)