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DS thought he could just move back in with me if he dropped out of school

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
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And I told him no. It has always been a rule with all of my kids that the only way they could live at home is if they are in school. DS thought I just wouldnt mind if he broke the rules and drop out suddenly. 

He is 19 and has been at university for a year and a half. He said he walked into class yesterday and decided he was just over the whole "college thing". He went and pulled himself out of classes because it was the last day he could drop out without having to pay. 

He showed up this morning with all of his stuff. I asked him what the heck was going on. He explained what he did. All I wanted to do was slap him upside the head but I tried to be as calm as possible. I told him that was a very stupid decision. I asked him what he would have to do to get back in his classes. He says he could but he wont. He wants to just get a job and work instead. He doesnt want a place just a job

I told him that I think he was making a huge mistake and that he will regret it. He says that he can get a job working $15 and hour (working for a friends family) and that is all he needs so why bother finishing school. I told him that he is an adult and he is free to do what he wants but if he could not follow the household rules he could not live here. I told him I loved him and I would always be there if he needed to talk but my rules apply to everyone. He tried to ignore me and take his stuff up to his old room. I told him I was being serious. He was not going to be moving back in here. If he wants to get a job he is free to but he needs to get his own place. He was really upset. He tried to guilt me by saying he was going to end up sleeping in his car. I told him that he could use some of that money he has for a hotel. He left and said he didnt want to live here anyway. 

I am so sad and disappointed. I never thought I would be in a position where I would have to turn my kids away. It was really sucky but I just cant condone him dropping out of school. If he wants to work then he can do that but he needs his own place. I am hoping he realizes that dropping out of school was a mistake and goes back before it is too late. 


UPDATE: He got his own place. He came to me and said he understood my position now that he thought it through. He was just thinking about all the money he could have. He says he might consider going back to school in the future but for now he needs a break. 

Posted by Anonymous on Jan. 26, 2017 at 5:31 PM
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Replies (1-10):
maliksmama2
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2017 at 5:35 PM
Well rules are rules so good for you for sticking to yours.

I'd let him stay with a certain time frame to get a job and find a place, but I'm not you.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jan. 26, 2017 at 5:39 PM
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I took a short break from college at his age. I went back at age 21 because I was tired of working crappy jobs. Unfortunately college is not for everyone. If he is able to find a job making decent money, I don't see the proble. I wouldn't kick my kid out for this but he would have to work and pay me some rent. Give him time he might change his mind.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jan. 26, 2017 at 5:39 PM
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You are going to push your child away.  The least you could have done was come to a compromise about paying rent if he was working.

My mom's rule was you are in school and no rent.  If you work and no school then you pay rent.  Plain and simplie.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jan. 26, 2017 at 5:40 PM
Good for you. He clearly doesn't take what you say seriously, so even if you let him stay for x amount of time with the understanding that he'd need to find his own place by then, I doubt he ever would have left. You'd be stuck with him forever, most likely, because he wouldn't believe he actually had to go anywhere until he wanted to. I can see why it would be hard, but I agree with you and one day he will see that you did what was best for him as well.
jcm3
by Gold Member on Jan. 26, 2017 at 5:42 PM
Your rules . I hope my kids do not live with me forever.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 26, 2017 at 5:47 PM

He is an adult. If he is going to pay rent he should do it to an actual landlord. 19 is more than old enough to move out on your own. How long do you think is appropriate for a kid to live at home just working?

Quoting Anonymous 3:

You are going to push your child away.  The least you could have done was come to a compromise about paying rent if he was working.

My mom's rule was you are in school and no rent.  If you work and no school then you pay rent.  Plain and simplie.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jan. 26, 2017 at 5:53 PM
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If he had a job, I would let him stay. Of course, I believe that college is not right for everyone and will always be there.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jan. 26, 2017 at 5:53 PM

Really? You dont want them to be independent adults?

Quoting jcm3: Your rules . I hope my kids do live with me forever.


quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Jan. 26, 2017 at 5:54 PM

be prepared for him to not come visit home..

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jan. 26, 2017 at 5:57 PM
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Sad that he only has aspirations that allow a $15/hr wage. :(
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