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Today was the icing on the cake.. and it's not a good thing.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 12 Replies

I have previously posted about my children's disclosure of sexual abuse about two years ago. Upon posting, I was torn apart here by many of you. But, today I just don't give a sh** and need to vent as there are not many people I can talk to. My son disclosed that my ex's 12/13 yr old son would harm him on a nightly basis. They shared a room and my son was 7/8. I reported it. but they said that "kids make mistakes" and there wasn't anything more they could do. He went to therapy for almost a year and completed it. (only so many sessions and the therapist said he was good to go; that he was resilient.)

Well, around this last Christmas my son started coming out with little secrets, like stealing candy out of the cupboard at night. Those secrets gradually got bigger.  One night he was crying and I got up out of bed to check on him and he told me details I never thought I'd hear. About what this kid made him do and did to him. How he hated himself and felt disgusting. I asked if he wanted to go back to counseling and he told me no, that he likes only me knowing these things. But, he became more irritable, moody, isolated and still crying and making poor remarks towards himself. So, I signed him back up for therapy. I told him that I am proud of everything he's done, that nothing will ever change how I look at him. He's a warrior in my eyes. But, the therapist has things that can help him for those times that I can't or don't know how to.

The icing on the cake was my son's ADHD follow up, today. And his pediatrician stated that he more than likely has PTSD and needs to see a psychiatrist because she does not prescribe that medicine for kids. My DF thinks this is nuts but he's never been through this kind of thing and thinks that keeping it to yourself and all that crap helps more than talking to someone about it. This is a kid and I am doing what is best for him regardless what he thinks and believes. 

There isn't much I can do as far as the past. I can't change the past but I am doing the best I can to make his future better and be there for him. It's just so damn hard. I never wanted him to be depressed, to have PTSD or ever be harmed how he was. I was ignorant to think I knew the signs because I was harmed to as a child. It just never clicked that a 12/13 yr old kid would do such a thing. 

ETA: these "secrets" were never shared with the forensic interviewer or the therapist. he was afraid he'd get in trouble and everyone would think he was disgusting.

Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 15, 2017 at 12:41 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 15, 2017 at 12:49 AM
Poor guy. I think you should use any and all resources you can.
Also, maybe you should get therapy too? That has to weigh so heavy on your mind and heart it might be good to seek out different ways to communicate with your son and other ways to help heal your family.
Good luck op.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 12:53 AM

Thank you. I have been in therapy for a little over a year now. I have acute depression and anxiety. I have nightmares to so I take medicine for each of those. It really is hard to not think about. Posts on FB, the news, anything with child abuse triggers thoughts. It's taken a lot out of me. I can't trust anyone to watch the kids after school or weekends, so I stay at home and go to College online. Thank you again, for your kind words.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Poor guy. I think you should use any and all resources you can. Also, maybe you should get therapy too? That has to weigh so heavy on your mind and heart it might be good to seek out different ways to communicate with your son and other ways to help heal your family. Good luck op.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 15, 2017 at 12:58 AM
Being a mother I just imagine...so I sincerely just wish the best for you and of course your son. It sounds like he has a great mom that he already trusts so by taking him and getting the recourse to further help him you are doing the best thing possible.

Quoting Anonymous 1:

Thank you. I have been in therapy for a little over a year now. I have acute depression and anxiety. I have nightmares to so I take medicine for each of those. It really is hard to not think about. Posts on FB, the news, anything with child abuse triggers thoughts. It's taken a lot out of me. I can't trust anyone to watch the kids after school or weekends, so I stay at home and go to College online. Thank you again, for your kind words.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Poor guy. I think you should use any and all resources you can.
Also, maybe you should get therapy too? That has to weigh so heavy on your mind and heart it might be good to seek out different ways to communicate with your son and other ways to help heal your family.
Good luck op.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:01 AM

Thank you very much. It means a lot to hear that.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Being a mother I just imagine...so I sincerely just wish the best for you and of course your son. It sounds like he has a great mom that he already trusts so by taking him and getting the recourse to further help him you are doing the best thing possible.
Quoting Anonymous 1:

Thank you. I have been in therapy for a little over a year now. I have acute depression and anxiety. I have nightmares to so I take medicine for each of those. It really is hard to not think about. Posts on FB, the news, anything with child abuse triggers thoughts. It's taken a lot out of me. I can't trust anyone to watch the kids after school or weekends, so I stay at home and go to College online. Thank you again, for your kind words.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Poor guy. I think you should use any and all resources you can. Also, maybe you should get therapy too? That has to weigh so heavy on your mind and heart it might be good to seek out different ways to communicate with your son and other ways to help heal your family. Good luck op.



iwicked
by Sugar Magnolia on Feb. 15, 2017 at 1:09 AM
Keep him in therapy. I hope your exs son has to register as a sexual predator.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 2:03 AM
I will be until the therapist and docotrs think he'll be okay without it. He'll miss a week for spring break and 4 weeks out of the summer because he has to go to his father's house (not the same ex in the Op).

And unfortunately, unless the little perp harms someone else and gets caught, he is free to roam. He'll (the perp) be 17 this yr. I'm sure he's done it to others and it makes me sick.


Quoting iwicked: Keep him in therapy. I hope your exs son has to register as a sexual predator.
iwicked
by Sugar Magnolia on Feb. 15, 2017 at 2:06 AM
If your ex with the child molester isn't your son's father, why was your son with him?

Quoting Anonymous 1: I will be until the therapist and docotrs think he'll be okay without it. He'll miss a week for spring break and 4 weeks out of the summer because he has to go to his father's house (not the same ex in the Op).

And unfortunately, unless the little perp harms someone else and gets caught, he is free to roam. He'll (the perp) be 17 this yr. I'm sure he's done it to others and it makes me sick.


Quoting iwicked: Keep him in therapy. I hope your exs son has to register as a sexual predator.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 2:12 AM
1 mom liked this
I started dating 5 yrs after the divorce. I moved in with the guy at about a yr, of dating. We had enough rooms for all the kids at the time but I lost my job, then the house after another yr. So we ended moving into his parents. The boys ended up sharing a room, girls shared a room. We had our own room. I left this guy for other reasons. Lazy, cheater, etc.
I worked full time and went to school part time. That'd how my son was near my ex and his kid.

Quoting iwicked: If your ex with the child molester isn't your son's father, why was your son with him?
Quoting Anonymous 1: I will be until the therapist and docotrs think he'll be okay without it. He'll miss a week for spring break and 4 weeks out of the summer because he has to go to his father's house (not the same ex in the Op).



And unfortunately, unless the little perp harms someone else and gets caught, he is free to roam. He'll (the perp) be 17 this yr. I'm sure he's done it to others and it makes me sick.

Quoting iwicked: Keep him in therapy. I hope your exs son has to register as a sexual predator.
HaloSue
by Gold Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 2:18 AM
Are you saying that the perpetrator has done this two separate times now?

If it's happened again I surely would contact the police again and I would never allow the child/teenager in my house again!
There's got to be something that the courts can do about that child!

EMDR works very well for PTSD and biofeedback helps too. You might want to ask the counselors about either one.

I'm sorry this has happened to your child, it's extremely abusive in many ways.
Hopefully they can help him,the sooner the better! He needs to realize none of this is his fault. That's very important for him to know. There's so much evil people, children in this world and he's not one of them.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 2:25 AM
No, it only happened when I lived with my ex and his perp of a son.

My son disclosed the abuse but didn't share all that happened with the forensic interviewer or his therapist.

He waited another year and a half to open up, after his inital disclosure.

He held his thoughts/feelings in because he thought the therapist and F.I. would think he was disgusting.

I will ask his therapist about EMDR and biofeed back. Thank you for your kind words! He is a great kid, just lost and sad.

Quoting HaloSue: Are you saying that the perpetrator has done this two separate times now?

If it's happened again I surely would contact the police again and I would never allow the child/teenager in my house again!
There's got to be something that the courts can do about that child!

EMDR works very well for PTSD and biofeedback helps too. You might want to ask the counselors about either one.

I'm sorry this has happened to your child, it's extremely abusive in many ways.
Hopefully they can help him,the sooner the better! He needs to realize none of this is his fault. That's very important for him to know. There's so much evil people, children in this world and he's not one of them.
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