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Insecurity is awful

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 36 Replies
I am starting to think I need therapy. I know everyone has moments of insecurity here and there. It's human nature. But most people just shrug it off and keep living their lives. Which is what I used to do too.

But lately, the insecurities are popping up more and more. I find myself wondering if my SO loves me for no good reason at all. I find myself doubting that he's truly happy with me when he has given me no reason to doubt him.

He works a demanding, time consuming job. That has always been the case and I have never had an issue with it beyond missing him a bit sometimes. Now, I find myself sitting and worrying about our relationship the entire time he is at work. I'm fine when he walks in the door and hugs me and kisses me but when he is gone, it's like I can't relax at all.

We went out last night together for dinner and drinks and then met up with friends and we had a great time. But I woke up sad because he didn't get me anything for Valentine's Day or make a sweet post on Facebook or anything. We had agreed not to do Valentine's Day this year but deep down, I think I was hoping he'd surprise me and maybe even propose. Which is silly because we have discussed getting engaged and he doesn't want to until our finances are in better order. I got him a card but he didn't even look at it. He seemed irritated that I did even that much after we agreed no V Day.

I know I sound like a teenage girl pining over a guy. That's how I feel right now and I hate it. I've never been this type of person ever. And the thing is we have a very strong relationship. We talk all the time about everything. We enjoy each other's company. We make each other laugh. We want the same things in life. But as the Honeymoon phase of our relationship has kind of faded, he is definitely not very romantic any more and that kind of concerns me.
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 10:58 AM
Yes I know this is way too long and most of you won't read it. I kind of started typing and couldn't stop.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 15, 2017 at 11:01 AM
Just tell him what you want, that's what I do. If I sat around waiting for him to do something romantic then dinner would be the only romantic thing.
Not_A_Native
by Ruby Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 11:01 AM

Honestly, it sounds like you don't have enough to do.  Do you work?  Volunteer?  Or sit in the house?

OwlNuggets
by HAIL NUGGY! on Feb. 15, 2017 at 11:02 AM

Hey... listen.

I'm going to say this gently, but after a while personal insecurity can bleed into the relationship and make the other person feel like your insecurity stems from a lack of TRUST, which is hurtful to feel like no matter what you did or didn't do, you're never going to convince your partner to relax and trust you.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 15, 2017 at 11:03 AM
1 mom liked this
Men are NOT mind readers. The problem sounds like unrealistic expectations. If you can't be honest and direct with him, you will have more problems than this. You told him one thing, expecting another, and have only disappointed yourself.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 11:04 AM
I know that's the logical answer but I can't help being a little disappointed. When you have to ask for those things, they seem less special. But I do get that that just isn't who he is.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Just tell him what you want, that's what I do. If I sat around waiting for him to do something romantic then dinner would be the only romantic thing.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 11:06 AM
I'm out of work due to a back injury. We were hoping time and rest would improve things to the point I could go back to work, at least part time, but it doesn't seem to be working so now we are discussing surgery. So it could be a while before I can work again.

Quoting Not_A_Native:

Honestly, it sounds like you don't have enough to do.  Do you work?  Volunteer?  Or sit in the house?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 15, 2017 at 11:07 AM
Yup. It isn't who my SO is either but my ex was and I don't miss him one bit.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I know that's the logical answer but I can't help being a little disappointed. When you have to ask for those things, they seem less special. But I do get that that just isn't who he is.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Just tell him what you want, that's what I do. If I sat around waiting for him to do something romantic then dinner would be the only romantic thing.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 11:08 AM
I know what you mean and I do try not to be "that" girl. I mean, I know he isn't cheating. He's so damn tired he wouldn't have the time or energy to lol. Plus, he isn't the type. It isn't his faithfulness I find myself doubting. It's his feelings. Which probably makes no sense but it's the truth.

Quoting OwlNuggets:

Hey... listen.

I'm going to say this gently, but after a while personal insecurity can bleed into the relationship and make the other person feel like your insecurity stems from a lack of TRUST, which is hurtful to feel like no matter what you did or didn't do, you're never going to convince your partner to relax and trust you.

Notsweetenough
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 11:09 AM
If you wanted him to do something for you on valentines don't agree to not do anything. Men take pretty much everything at face value. Men say what they mean and mean what they say.
Yes he was annoyed you got him something for valentines he was under the impression you both agreed not to.
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