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He still doesn't get it, my cheating wasn't about him. Very very long post but if even just one of you will read and be honest with me, please!

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 72 Replies
When we met, omg it's was love at first sight. We've been together since that day and I still love him dearly. We got pregnant pretty much right away and moved so he could get a better job. That meant me leaving my family, friends and everything I had known for the last 12 years of my life. I made the choice to though because I loved him and I felt safe with him and I knew it was for the best.
Man was I wrong. The job thing didn't work out and we were BROKE. Had to go on food stamps, Medicaid, WIC, you name it. We stayed where were for about 6 months and I had had enough and my sister invited us to live with her and her family at no rent cost some could get our footing back. It was out of state but we said let's do it. It worked! My husband landed a great job, but he had to travel and be gone a lot, he took it of course to provide for his family. That lasted about a year and once again we found ourselves broke and my sister wanting us to come live with them again, again in another state because they had moved again. We went. That lasted 6 months before my husband was going a little mad wanting to get back to our home state so he went ahead and looked for a place to live and a good job. He found both and once again we moved.
Things were great! We had money, bills paid, no government assistance and I stayed at home to care for the baby and my child from a previous marriage. Well while he's was gone for work a lot I started finding things that looked fishy in his emails, no I wasn't snooping, he has asked me to go in there to find resumes and people's emails and info he needed.
I would find weird things from random girls, like things saying hey how are you, a face picture here and there. He of course said it must be spam or something and I let it go.
Then fast forward to my bday a few years later our son was playing on his and got into his pics. There it was, a pussy pic and messages saying how yummy it looked and so on. I was furious and hurt and confronted him and he blew it off as it's no big deal, she's my friend, I'm sorry and it'll never happen again. And like the dumb ass I am I accept that and we go out as planned for my bday, the whole time I'm thinking about it and completely upset. So fast forward again, we are super broke and almost about to be evicted. He finds a house and a job in his hometown and wants to go and pretty much says he's going with or without me and the kids. I agree to go look at everything and make a choice and while we are in the hotel room I find more pics and messages about lunch with the pussy pic girl. And again I forgive him and we move on.
So we move, I know no one but he has his family there so good for him right. I'm isolated, no friends, nothing to do but I suck it up and try.
He finds all kinds of things for him to do, hunting, fishing, and a hobby that has cost us personal money that shouldn't have but yet again I support him, like I always have and pretty much get no interest shown in me as a person.
Im jumping around a little but I should mention he has the biggest ego ever, everything is always about him. He's never appreciated, he ALWAYS working(that's a big one with him), nothing good ever happens to him, bad luck blah blah blah. Always the victim, always!

So anyway one summer he goes on this medication for his foot and it has some scary side effects. He goes into this deep depression but beyond that something seems really off. I felt like in there somewhere there was something about me, so I do snoop this time. I checked his Facebook message and found shit I didn't want to. Inappropriate conversations with multiple girls and even one saying he was saving money to divorce me. I was floored and confronted him. He was so sorry. Many apologies and lots of crying later, I again forgave him and we moved on. So fast forward again he gets into another hobby and i support him even though we are broke and he shouldn't be doing it but I keep my mouth shut.
Again fast forward life goes on and we move again and I finally get a great job I'm advancing in quickly and making good money. My confidence is up and I'm getting in shape and getting healthy and where is his attention? His hobbies and his face is always stuck in his phone, at dinner, when we are hanging out and just all the time. He's been like this for a long time and although I've tried and tried to get him to pay attention to me, I'm getting nothing. I've had to schedule bdays and things I've wanted to do around this hobby and just deal with it. And basically spend a lot of time waiting for him because of all the things he's involved in.
By now I'm exhausted by it all but mostly exhausted from trying to get him to see me and pay attention to me. I wasn't looking for someone else to but when they did, I admittedly took it way too far but I'm only human. NOT AN EXCUSE OR GIVING MYSELF THE OKAY, just explaining what happened.

So now here we are, that was 8 months ago. He found out, we fought a lot, cried a lot, he was gonna leave, I was gonna leave, he finally forgave me and said he didn't want to loose me and I didn't want to loose him. I'm sure you're wondering why but I haven't said any of the good stuff, and there is lots of it, just not the point of this post.

So now I feel horrible, as I should, but he will bring it up and make me feel even worse and I just want to scream at him, what about what you've done but he's still under this impression that I cheated on him because he worked too much (that's his ego). I've tried to make him understand but he doesn't get it. It's always about him, he's always the victim and now it's even worse because the cheating happened to him.
Wouldn't you say he's cheated on me too, in a way?
I'm just so emotionally exhausted, we had another argument today because he thinks my family hates him and he's angry with them because he feels they should have tried to stop me, or called him to tell him what was going on. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this.

It's ok to be honest, just tell me what you think. Or feel free to ask any questions, I did jump around quite a bit and will HAPPY to fill in anything to help things make more sense
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 15, 2017 at 4:52 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Marivilla
by on Feb. 15, 2017 at 4:56 PM
That sounds like a mess. It wasn't right that he cheated (I consider what he did cheating) and it wasn't right that you cheated. I would get a divorce
quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 4:59 PM

your relationship sounds toxic and what a clusterfuck for your kids!!

TheAnnieMac
by Gold Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 4:59 PM
2 moms liked this
Sounds like he's happy he has a doormat and irritated that you cheated because only he is allowed to do that.
If you don't think he has actually cheated you're fooling yourself.
You need one of two things, a divorce, or an agreement on an open relationship. I suggest option one.
redheadtmk
by Ruby Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 4:59 PM
1 mom liked this
Honestly....You are both hot messes. There is no integrity or faithfulness between either of you. How can you go from a good job to totally broke so often? Do you not save? Live below your means? You aren't good for each other. Leave him and learn to take care of yourself.
Kylie819
by Platinum Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 5:00 PM
4 moms liked this
Basically I just read the same paragraph over and over. You're broke and he's cheating and/or being extremely inappropriate with other women. Rinse and repeat. Cut him loose and build a better life for yourself and your kiddos.
LClark1973
by Silver Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 5:02 PM

It is about him, but there has to be some for you,too. Balance.  It does not sound like you have any. It seems like he is a big baby man, not a real one.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 5:02 PM
And I totally understand why anyone would say that, I really do. We still have love for each other though and the thought of being without each other is awful to think about for us both.

I just feel like every time I look at him I see a look like he will never be happy and somehow it'll be my fault. I don't want that. I don't want to be the cause of him looking back in 20 years and regretting his life. He swears he won't and he doesn't regret staying but sometimes his actions and little things he says makes me thing otherwise

Oh and I'm pregnant. Yes it's my husbands, happened well after the cheating. Probably the best idea but not much we can do about that now.

Quoting Marivilla: That sounds like a mess. It wasn't right that he cheated (I consider what he did cheating) and it wasn't right that you cheated. I would get a divorce
ShaMac
by Ruby Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 5:03 PM
Why are you together? This entire relationship sounds hellish. You should have left instead of cheating because that makes you no better than he is. He sounds like an over grown man child that can't keep his dick in his pants or a job.
Marivilla
by on Feb. 15, 2017 at 5:04 PM
Stop. You need to stop feeling bad about him not being happy. What happy husband gets vagina pics sent to him by another woman? He was unhappy before you cheated

Quoting Anonymous 1: And I totally understand why anyone would say that, I really do. We still have love for each other though and the thought of being without each other is awful to think about for us both.

I just feel like every time I look at him I see a look like he will never be happy and somehow it'll be my fault. I don't want that. I don't want to be the cause of him looking back in 20 years and regretting his life. He swears he won't and he doesn't regret staying but sometimes his actions and little things he says makes me thing otherwise

Oh and I'm pregnant. Yes it's my husbands, happened well after the cheating. Probably the best idea but not much we can do about that now.

Quoting Marivilla: That sounds like a mess. It wasn't right that he cheated (I consider what he did cheating) and it wasn't right that you cheated. I would get a divorce
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 5:04 PM
Luckily our kids are ok and have thrived in school and other achievements, we have lived in the same place now for about 6 years and don't plan on moving anytime soon.

Quoting quinnsmom715:

your relationship sounds toxic and what a clusterfuck for your kids!!

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