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What about me?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 28 Replies
Everything is always about dh. How his day was. What he wants to do. Where he wants to go. Nothing is ever about me. I've pretty much gotten use to it except on the rare occasion when I want him to listen and give a shit. I work a lot and I'm shy so I don't really do anything without dh or the kids. I have always loved singing. I was in the choir in high school and college. I have been thinking about joining the choir at church. DH didn't listen to me or give a fuck when I brought it up several times. Then yesterday I said I was thinking about going back to school and he said I can't handle it. FYI I have 2 degrees and he barely finished high school. He didn't congratulate me on either degree when I earned them. I wanted to go out and he said it was a waste of money. Around the same time he got a tiny raise at work and he went out with coworkers to celebrate and then we went out for family dinner the next night to celebrate and then he had a fucking bbq with his family to celebrate. I get raises too but he doesn't even acknowledge it let alone take me out. So tonight is choir practice night at church and I'm trying to work up the courage to go. I text him for encouragement and he responds "go or don't go, you were the one with the bright idea to join." Then he started talking about himself and work. I'm so fucking frustrated. I don't need much from him. I treat him like a king and I listen to everything he says and do everything he wants to do. But what about me? Is he just a typical man and I need to just let go of the idea of him being there for me, and just call a friend or my sister when I want to talk? Or is he a shitty husband?
Posted by Anonymous on Feb. 15, 2017 at 7:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Spjo127
by Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 7:30 PM
Have you told him that you need more support from him?
corticosteroid
by Sapphire Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 7:31 PM

Seriously?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 7:32 PM
Many many times. He just gets angry and storms off. If I try to bring it up again he accuses me of trying to pick a fight.

Quoting Spjo127: Have you told him that you need more support from him?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 7:33 PM
Yes seriously. This is my life. All I want is for him to listen or ask about me and he can't. It hurts like hell.

Quoting corticosteroid:

Seriously?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Feb. 15, 2017 at 7:35 PM
He is being shitty! And he obviously thinks u have no self esteem. Dont ask him just do it. Go out and do whatever u can to better yourself. He is pitiful and wants to drag u down too. If you had confidence and quit chasing him like a lost dog he would respect u more and not treat u so crappy! If u love to sing plz get to church and do it and surround yourself with positive people who will lift u up. He'll see the change in u and realise he better get it together!
corticosteroid
by Sapphire Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 7:35 PM

He's a shitty husband.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Yes seriously. This is my life. All I want is for him to listen or ask about me and he can't. It hurts like hell.
Quoting corticosteroid:

Seriously?


quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 7:35 PM

he treats you like that because you meekly accept it..grow a backbone!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Feb. 15, 2017 at 7:36 PM
Get his attention until he listen then tell him how you feel.
MonarchMom22
by Bronze Member on Feb. 15, 2017 at 7:39 PM

It sounds like you married someone who has very little skill or interest in being supportive.  You can choose to stay and adapt, or leave and deal with the consequences of a divorce.  In either case, it is unlikely he will change.  That does not mean you need to be unhappy though.  You are clearly able to pursue goals and accomplish what you want - just stop waiting for him to encourage you or reward you in any way. Go after the things you want and spend your time the way you want. 

Don't argue, ask him to change, expect him to treat you fairly or to make it easy for you. He does not seem to have the generousity of spirt to do so. If you can remain calm and neutral while you make the changes for yourself he may surprise you and chage on his own. But please don't wait for him - do the things you enjoy.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Feb. 15, 2017 at 7:39 PM
I have zero self esteem and I'm very shy. I'm not trying to chase him. I just want him to love me and be there for me like I am for him. I'm going to go to choir and I'm so mad I might not even make dinner before I leave. My sister said she will watch my kids and make them dinner at her house. I'm thinking of taking her up on her offer.

Quoting Anonymous 2: He is being shitty! And he obviously thinks u have no self esteem. Dont ask him just do it. Go out and do whatever u can to better yourself. He is pitiful and wants to drag u down too. If you had confidence and quit chasing him like a lost dog he would respect u more and not treat u so crappy! If u love to sing plz get to church and do it and surround yourself with positive people who will lift u up. He'll see the change in u and realise he better get it together!
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