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My biggest fears about my child...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 19 Replies
My dd was recently diagnosed with ASD. She will require lifelong care, at the very least, assistance in living as an adult.
My husband is an only child, his parents are in their mid 60s. My parents are raging alcoholics, and I have one brother who struggles with addiction as well. We have no close family or friends we believe capable of caring for our daughter, should something happen to us.
Even worse, this person would have to be willing to provide lifelong care, not just until she reached adulthood. Dh s parents would gladly take her in, but they won't outlive our child, or I should say I would pray they wouldn't.
We are putting away every dime for her future that we can, but we are having to save for her to be cared for her entire life, that's a lot for a teacher and a bank teller, and we still have to survive now.
My greatest fear that keeps me up at night is her ending up in some state run home, alone. Special needs individuals,e specially women and girls,are more, vunerable to abuse and the thought of someone hurting my child...
This is keeping me up at night, it consumes my thoughts until my stomach is so twisted I vomit.
I don't know What to do...
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 18, 2017 at 7:32 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 18, 2017 at 10:12 PM

i am so sorry you are struggling.

hugs

iwicked
by Sugar Magnolia on Mar. 18, 2017 at 10:16 PM
Try to stay in the day. You can over think yourself crazy. There are a million what if scenarios..today, your dd is safe and loved. Just try and don't spiral out of control.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 18, 2017 at 10:28 PM

dh says that a lot, but its like i tel him, we dont really have the luxary of "it will all work" mentality. if we died tomorrow in a car wreck, she would go to his parents, but what about when something happens to them? what about when she is 50 or 60 and they and we are long gone? shes the youngest in our family by far, eventualy she will end up alone, and we need to know their will be money for her care, that she wont be shuffled off to some  facility.

Quoting iwicked: Try to stay in the day. You can over think yourself crazy. There are a million what if scenarios..today, your dd is safe and loved. Just try and don't spiral out of control.


TheLadyAmalthea
by Platinum Member on Mar. 18, 2017 at 10:29 PM
I'm there too. It sucks.
KendallsMommee
by Spoiled SAHM on Mar. 18, 2017 at 10:31 PM
Hugs, Momma.
lady-J-Rock
by Platinum Member on Mar. 18, 2017 at 10:31 PM
What therapies is she enrolled in? How old is she?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 18, 2017 at 10:32 PM

I'm very sorry, this has to be tough news to take.  From personal experience I can tell you that bank tellers have a ton of room for advancement which might help you save more.  Your DH can probably get pretty far up the ranks quickly.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 18, 2017 at 10:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Work on finding young married couple friends...especially at church and in volunteer situations. Also, find support groups where you can bond with other parents that are in the same situation. You may eventually make some close friends that you know will be a good back up system for you (and maybe in turn you can be their backup). I have a lot of good family members, but if anything happens to me and my husband, my kids will be sent across the country to live with my best friend, who they've only met a few times. I know her and her minister husband would be the best people to raise my children. Also, I know you hear the horror stories of "institutions", but really, there a lot of good women and men working at those places and are there because they have a heart and love for their patients. Take everything day by day and try and expand your life into meeting new people and making new friends.
GayleTX
by on Mar. 18, 2017 at 10:36 PM

I'm so sorry......it has to be a black cloud over  your head all the time.  We, too, have a very small, aging family and I worry a lot about 'what if.'  I'm sure you've spoken with legal advisers about the situation.....it's important that you do this to make the best possible. plans.  

redheadtmk
by Ruby Member on Mar. 18, 2017 at 10:41 PM

There are other options than state run homes. At least in our area. I manage a DDA. There are private run homes, Certified Family HOmes, and clients who live in their own apartments with 24 hour oversight. You have time to look into options and forge relationships with those in the DD field. You can find options that are not some cold,sterile place. Its a life long job to network and plan on top of caring for her

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