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BM wants us to help pay for their daughters 16th bday party.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 144 Replies
My SOs daughter turns 16 in a couple months. We've been asking and asking what she wants to do. We don't throw bday parties for our kids. They pick something they want to do and take friends. But for her 16th we thought she would want a big party. So she says she does but can't have one party with everyone because her grandma (bms mom) can't behave and that her mom would expect her to entertain her family not her friends. So I told her to think about it. If she really wanted a party we would get together with BM and throw her a party.

She came to me the other day and Told me she figured out what she wanted to do. She wants to go to Vegas and take one friend go to a nice dinner and a show. Our kids love vegas.

Cue the phone call from BM to my SO.
- We need to figure out what we are going to do for her bday. It's coming up we need to find a place to have it. But your chick (lol me) can't come because my mom can't stand her. Also my sister can't come. (Yes she hates her own sister). She also said that her dads gf couldn't come.

My so told her that we talked to her and she said she didn't want a party. And just wanted a trip to Vegas. she asked aboutvus paying for half the party. He said no but if you are going to cook for it I will supply the food (he's a distributor). And if you need tables and chairs my friend won't charge you.

Now she's telling their daughter that her daddy doesn't care about her sweet sixteen bday. And that now she can't have a big party because she can't afford it. And telling her or talk to her dad and butter him up to help. BM sending this all in text to her while shes here with us laying on the guilt about how her dad doesn't give a shit. It just fucking sucks for her.

Yes yes another BM vent. Sorry but some of them just suck.

ETA. To be clear. She will not be going alone to vegas with her friend. And they will not be going off in Vegas alone either. They will always have an adult with them. I have a nanny. We take her as an extra set of hands.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:21 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:27 PM
You have no business taking a teenager to Vegas. Her mom needs to shut that nonsense down right quick.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:28 PM
3 moms liked this
Surely SD hasn't made it this far without realizing how her mother is. She knows her dad asked her about a party and was willing to go that route if she wanted it, and she knows she made the decision to do something else, specifically to avoid her mother's drama. I get that it's annoying, but it's not like her manipulation is going to work on sd, and it's not like sd is believing any of it, bm is just making herself look stupid. I wouldn't worry about it unless sd is for some reason having a hard time with it. Ignore bm and go have a blast in Vegas. Sounds like sd made the right call anyway, bm would have made any party a disaster.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:28 PM
She wants to I can tell. I help telling her there is a polite respectful way to stand up for yourself. But she is terrified of her mother.

Quoting Catherinesmom12: She's old enough to say blah blah blah and fuck off in her head.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:29 PM
That's a pretty dumb reply. Why not? We go all the time. We have four kids between the two of us and they have a fantastic time.

And BM can't do anything about it anyway.

Quoting Anonymous 2: You have no business taking a teenager to Vegas. Her mom needs to shut that nonsense down right quick.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:30 PM
1 mom liked this
I just feel bad for her. This is constant. I can tell it bothers her. Sometimes she cries other times she's just angry. She shouldn't have to go through this. Poor thing

Quoting Anonymous 3: Surely SD hasn't made it this far without realizing how her mother is. She knows her dad asked her about a party and was willing to go that route if she wanted it, and she knows she made the decision to do something else, specifically to avoid her mother's drama. I get that it's annoying, but it's not like her manipulation is going to work on sd, and it's not like sd is believing any of it, bm is just making herself look stupid. I wouldn't worry about it unless sd is for some reason having a hard time with it. Ignore bm and go have a blast in Vegas. Sounds like sd made the right call anyway, bm would have made any party a disaster.
SDmomma-3
by Ruby Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:31 PM
Why doesn't she tell her mom she doesn't want a party, that she asked for a trip because that's what she wants for her birthday?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:34 PM
Ever hear of human trafficking? Yes BM can stop you from taking her daughter out of state.

Quoting Anonymous 1: That's a pretty dumb reply. Why not? We go all the time. We have four kids between the two of us and they have a fantastic time.

And BM can't do anything about it anyway.

Quoting Anonymous 2: You have no business taking a teenager to Vegas. Her mom needs to shut that nonsense down right quick.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:35 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with that. I thought you were concerned that bm was going to convince sd that this was your and dh fault somehow, I figured at her age she knows better. But yeah, you're definitely right that she shouldn't have to put up with that. Just be there for her, there isn't much else you can do. You won't change bm, bm will never see how she's hurting sd, and she can't see that she's damaging their relationship. I can't stand women who hurt their kids just in the name of trying to hurt their ex, it's disgusting. But, nothing anyone can do, unfortunately. Sd will get older and hopefully make a life where her mother has very little impact on her anymore, but it's definitely shitty that this is the best her mother has to give her because of selfishness and jealousy. I'm glad she has you and dh to provide stability in her life.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I just feel bad for her. This is constant. I can tell it bothers her. Sometimes she cries other times she's just angry. She shouldn't have to go through this. Poor thing
Quoting Anonymous 3: Surely SD hasn't made it this far without realizing how her mother is. She knows her dad asked her about a party and was willing to go that route if she wanted it, and she knows she made the decision to do something else, specifically to avoid her mother's drama. I get that it's annoying, but it's not like her manipulation is going to work on sd, and it's not like sd is believing any of it, bm is just making herself look stupid. I wouldn't worry about it unless sd is for some reason having a hard time with it. Ignore bm and go have a blast in Vegas. Sounds like sd made the right call anyway, bm would have made any party a disaster.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:37 PM
3 moms liked this

I think food + tables and chairs would be the biggest cost of a party, wouldn't it? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Mar. 20, 2017 at 6:37 PM
4 moms liked this
Are you that stupid? Dad can do what he wants on his court ordered time.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Ever hear of human trafficking? Yes BM can stop you from taking her daughter out of state.

Quoting Anonymous 1: That's a pretty dumb reply. Why not? We go all the time. We have four kids between the two of us and they have a fantastic time.

And BM can't do anything about it anyway.

Quoting Anonymous 2: You have no business taking a teenager to Vegas. Her mom needs to shut that nonsense down right quick.
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