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Finding your purpose as a sahm

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 86 Replies
How did you find your purpose as a stay at home mother? I am depressed. I feel useless and unwanted. I feel like there is no point to my existence. My husband wants me to stay home and care for our baby. I agree, its best for me to stay and care for the baby but I lost me. I don't know what to do. I've lost interest in my hobbies because I can't dedicate as much time to them, which I totally accept. I know that having children changes things. I don't contest that and I'm OK with that. But I don't even have the mental strength to do more than the bare minimum when it comes to things like housework. I used to be a neat freak and now I'm sinking deeper into this hole and I'm keeping the house clean but nowhere near as clean as it used to be.

I'm feeling like a financial burden and a strain. I asked my husband today what is the point of my existence? It'd be better if I was just gone because I'm a burden. I don't contribute. He said you take care of the house. Whoop de do. Not an accomplishment to me.

No I'm not bashing sahms I'm reaching out to them for help. I need help! I hate that I feel like I'm spiraling out of control. I hate hating myself. I hate feeling inadequate. I hate feeling so lonely and sad that it hurts.
Posted by Anonymous on Mar. 20, 2017 at 10:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
AllieReed
by Platinum Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 10:49 PM
I felt that way, too. It's very hard in the beginning & your emotions are all over the place. Do you have friends nearby? That's what got me through. We could get together with the baby. Just remember that you're doing the best that you can & things WILL get better. Hugs!
momto2boys973
by Emerald Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 10:50 PM

Just knowing that I'm doing something good for my family gives me purpose. I think the problem is that you're overestimating the role of bringing in money and underestimating the job of making a home. You contribute. I don't feel like a burden because my husband is the moneymaker any more than he feels like a burden because I'm the one who keeps the house clean, cooks the meals and washes the clothes. We depend on each other and therefore value each other's contributions to our home. 

Also, could you maybe be experiencing some post partum depression? 

5nFighting
by Bronze Member on Mar. 20, 2017 at 10:53 PM
I made sure that I continued everything I'd been doing before hand, other than having an actual job. I still met up with friends, I worked out, I went out and did stuff. I entertained my hobbies, and I just kept 'me'. It wasn't easy, each additional child required some adjustments, but I fought hard to maintain who I am, because I never wanted to be just a mother, and I wanted my children to have more than just a mother.

How old is your baby? You may have a bit of PPD as well.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 20, 2017 at 10:56 PM
She's almost two. I was fine for the first year. But now it's like this feeling just came out of nowhere. I feel like I'm drowning.

Quoting 5nFighting: I made sure that I continued everything I'd been doing before hand, other than having an actual job. I still met up with friends, I worked out, I went out and did stuff. I entertained my hobbies, and I just kept 'me'. It wasn't easy, each additional child required some adjustments, but I fought hard to maintain who I am, because I never wanted to be just a mother, and I wanted my children to have more than just a mother.

How old is your baby? You may have a bit of PPD as well.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 20, 2017 at 10:56 PM
I have a few, but they are all busy with their own lives that I don't want to bother them. We text and talk regularly.

Quoting AllieReed: I felt that way, too. It's very hard in the beginning & your emotions are all over the place. Do you have friends nearby? That's what got me through. We could get together with the baby. Just remember that you're doing the best that you can & things WILL get better. Hugs!
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Mar. 20, 2017 at 10:57 PM
Staying at home isn't for everyone and you shouldn't force it. Do what makes you happy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 20, 2017 at 10:58 PM
She's just about two and it just started so I don't think it's PPD. I'm failing at this homemaker thing. I'm not doing it good enough at all. I'm always behind on things. I can barely cook, well I mean, I can cook but it's not all that great.

Quoting momto2boys973:

Just knowing that I'm doing something good for my family gives me purpose. I think the problem is that you're overestimating the role of bringing in money and underestimating the job of making a home. You contribute. I don't feel like a burden because my husband is the moneymaker any more than he feels like a burden because I'm the one who keeps the house clean, cooks the meals and washes the clothes. We depend on each other and therefore value each other's contributions to our home. 

Also, could you maybe be experiencing some post partum depression? 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Mar. 20, 2017 at 10:58 PM
I don't even know what that would be anymore.

Quoting Danesmommy1: Staying at home isn't for everyone and you shouldn't force it. Do what makes you happy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Mar. 20, 2017 at 11:00 PM

Look for a mommy & me meetup group in your area.  I would have KILLED to stay home in those early years.  I got the opportunity when they were in middle school.  Now theyre mid HS years and I cant find work.  


Im in the SAME plae you are.  Depressed.  I feel like I die a little every single day.

Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Mar. 20, 2017 at 11:01 PM
That's what you need to figure out then! Don't get wrapped up in what you SHOULD want, find what you DO want!

Quoting Anonymous 1: I don't even know what that would be anymore.

Quoting Danesmommy1: Staying at home isn't for everyone and you shouldn't force it. Do what makes you happy.
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