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Would you expect an SM to base her decisions on her SK(s)?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 27 Replies

Just curious.

I’ve recently completed my degree, and I’m currently searching for a job. I would like to stay close to my hometown, for a variety of reasons: close to my family, great school district, free childcare for my toddler and newborn, and because DH has 50% custody of SS.

I’ve had quite a few offers to interview, but the employment is 2+ hours away. When I’ve declined interviews and stated that I’m not interested in relocating, I’ve heard tons of lists about why relocating is best: much higher pay and sign on bonuses, large school districts with extra amenities, and yada yada. When I’ve encountered people pushing about relocating (employers, some of my school friends, and a few professors), I’ve mentioned that I would never leave SS behind (while I don’t want to relocate anyways, SS is the one reason that is nonnegotiable). I’ve had a lot of people act surprised that SS is a reason that I don’t want to move. Personally, I’m surprised at their surprise!

First, it is not just me that is relocating. If I left, DH would, too. I would never expect DH to move away from SS, and I would never want to take DDs away from their brother. It seems odd to me that people would assume that an SM would be willing to take off and leave her SK(s) behind.

Just wanted to see what your thoughts were.

* For the record, I’ve been an SM since my ten year old SS was three. DH has had 50% custody from the beginning.

Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 10, 2017 at 3:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 10, 2017 at 3:08 PM
Im a SM. I don't base certain choices on SS. A major one like relocating would be between DH and I.
MSMOUSE0519
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2017 at 3:09 PM
1 mom liked this

I base my life around  my SK's. I have two SD's that I have to think about. When we were searching for a place to live we decided to stay near the girls school and life that way they weren't uprooted. Plus with my work I am 10 minutes away from dd's school and my two sd's school. So either way it's a win win. Plus every decision we make is based upon what is best for the girls

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 10, 2017 at 3:10 PM

I wouldn't think you're wrong either way.

krisnkids
by Platinum Member on Apr. 10, 2017 at 3:11 PM

I would base my decision around myself and my dh. Would I ask my dh to move away from his kids that he had 50% custody of? No. So I'd get a job locally.

MrsDavidB25
by Stacey on Apr. 10, 2017 at 3:12 PM
I don't see living 2 hours away as leaving SS. That's still close enough for him to visit all the time. Maybe not 50/50 anymore but close enough.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 10, 2017 at 3:16 PM
1 mom liked this

I am a SM.  Almost 4 years ago, when SS was 12, we moved to the same town at SS and BM.  It almost doubled my commute which is now 45 minutes each way.  It wasn't entirely for SS, I was also pregnant with DD and it meant moving to a really good school district.  But we could have got a larger house for less money in a good school district closer to my work. 

We did it to be closer to SS.  DH spent a lot of time driving to and from his activities and we felt SS would start hating the distance as he got farther in to his teenage years.  It has been a very positive experience for our entire family.  But I still hate my commute... :)  I don't regret it because I have watched SS's bond with his father and siblings grow and I accredite a lot of it to being closer and being willing to make that sacrifice for him. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 10, 2017 at 3:17 PM

Ironically, this is the city that my Dad moved to when I was nine.

I only saw him EOWE and HATED it. Not only was my dad not able to be there for my daily life, but when I went to visit I was so lonely because I didn’t know anybody. Maybe I’m so anti-relocation because I’ve been the kid in this situation.

Quoting MrsDavidB25: I don't see living 2 hours away as leaving SS. That's still close enough for him to visit all the time. Maybe not 50/50 anymore but close enough.


Moonauthor
by Silver Member on Apr. 10, 2017 at 3:18 PM
Well moving is not in the horizon for us I am dealing with a breastfeeding issue that happens to be more about BM than anything. So I understand the need to include or at least consider all the people affected by a decision in the decision making process.
fullxbusymom
by Sapphire Member on Apr. 10, 2017 at 3:20 PM

I agree with you, thank you for being such a great mom. 

Littlebunnyfufu
by Platinum Member on Apr. 10, 2017 at 3:22 PM
I agree with you, for the same reason. I hated always being in a completely different neighborhood eowe

I think when you have kids (or gain them via marriage) you always consider their best interest when making big changes (moving is always a big change, the amplified negative to a step child even bigger)

2 hours is very different, and IMO and IME not "close enough"

Quoting Anonymous 1:



Ironically, this is the city that my Dad
moved to when I was nine.



I only saw him EOWE and HATED it. Not
only was my dad not able to be there for my daily life, but when I went to
visit I was so lonely because I didn’t know anybody. Maybe I’m so anti-relocation
because I’ve been the kid in this situation.

Quoting MrsDavidB25: I don't see living 2 hours away as leaving SS. That's still close enough for him to visit all the time. Maybe not 50/50 anymore but close enough.

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