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Is it okay to be angry my husband won't help?

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 203 Replies
I am a full time student, taking 18 hours at college. I have worked for many years, but two years ago my husband and I decided it was best for me to finish my education so I can be more fulfilled in my career and we can both be more financially secure. My husband works a full time job, and it is mostly manual (he works on airplanes) but it does have clerical aspects to it as well.
We have three kids, we coach our sons baseball team and I am active in student organizations and our children's school events.

I have been doing 100% of the housework our entire relationship. This is nothing we "agreed" on, it just happened that way. Recently I have been feeling angry that he hasn't been helping me. I have many projects that require study time and work even after school hours, and also help with our children's homework. I'm also sympathetic to the fact his job is hard, and he's tired.
Even with all of our commitments, the housework still has to get done somehow.
Our relationship has become distant because I feel every waking moment I'm not actively working on homework or doing something with the kids (like dinner, bath time, etc) I spend it cleaning and cleaning and cleaning. I'm tired. I get so mad when I see him lying on the couch watching YouTube videos or reading articles and I'm working my butt off. I feel it we BOTH helped out, we could BOTH have time to relax and unwind.
Am I wrong for thinking this way? Should I be responsible for the housework since I'm not working? What's a good solution?

I would like to add I have asked him to help out, and he offered to handle the laundry. But he leaves it in the basement for days on end, and when they finally get clean he just leaves the clean clothes in a laundry basket and they sometimes get confused for dirt clothes and get rewashed.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 20, 2017 at 4:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mommytoeandb
by Ruby Member on Apr. 20, 2017 at 4:08 PM
4 moms liked this
I'm not reading all that. I don't ask permission for my feelings. If I'm angry, I'm angry.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 20, 2017 at 4:08 PM
3 moms liked this
He works, therefore he is God and can do anything he wants at home.

:/
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 20, 2017 at 4:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I would ask him to do a couple of things, also you need to get unactive in some of your student organizations.  I do the majority of the housework, because I work less.  Set aside a block of time to clean bathrooms, dust and vacume once a week.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2017 at 4:10 PM
That's understandable.

Quoting mommytoeandb: I'm not reading all that. I don't ask permission for my feelings. If I'm angry, I'm angry.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 20, 2017 at 4:10 PM
2 moms liked this
Yeah, this is a little too long. Sorry OP.

I asked my husband to help me out when I was in school and he did with no real complaints. He was resistant at first but after awhile he realized; happy wife, happy life.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2017 at 4:11 PM
The reason I joined them was because they offer me scholarships and it takes off some of the financial load for us, otherwise I wouldn't commit to it.

Quoting Anonymous 3:

I would ask him to do a couple of things, also you need to get unactive in some of your student organizations.  I do the majority of the housework, because I work less.  Set aside a block of time to clean bathrooms, dust and vacume once a week.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Apr. 20, 2017 at 4:12 PM

Sounds like you have too much on your plate...you can't quit school and the house is always going to need attention....so back off on the student organizations and kids school events

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 20, 2017 at 4:12 PM
It is long, I was attempting to put info in that people may ask to further help them understand to give me a reply.

How did you ask for his help? How long did it take him to start helping you?

Quoting Anonymous 4: Yeah, this is a little too long. Sorry OP.

I asked my husband to help me out when I was in school and he did with no real complaints. He was resistant at first but after awhile he realized; happy wife, happy life.
K3412
by Platinum Member on Apr. 20, 2017 at 4:13 PM
5 moms liked this

I see no reason the household chores can't be more 50/50. Be specific about what you need, and when you need it done. It shouldn't "him helping you out." He lives in that house. He can contribute on his own. There's no reason you should be 100% responsible for it. If you are putting in a solid 8 hours of work during the day same as him, you should both be working at night.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Apr. 20, 2017 at 4:13 PM
5 moms liked this
Anyone would be angry about that. That is completely normal to feel resentment that he's not helping. Go on strike, see how long it takes him to notice how much you do.
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