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What would you do? Ex problems

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 11 Replies
So backstory ....I was awarded sole custody of my 2 children last year after fighting in court for nearly 3 years with my ex. Ex was ordered supervised visits with his sister as the supervisor. Ex is a meth addict /alcoholic and was physically/verbally abusive to me and verbally absuive to the kids. He is also a manipulative pathological liar and the very definition of a narcissist. I spent over 30k in lawyer fees fighting to get my kids away from him as we initially were ordered 50/50 custody because I could not prove that he was a drug addict and alcoholic and the abuse. Finally I was able to get a judge to listen to me and had a witness come forward who provided a lot of evidence for me. He failed a court ordered hair follicle drug test and tested postive for meth. Plus I had been documenting everything for the last 3 years. There is a lot more to story, but won't go into all the details as I could literally write a whole book.

Anyway my ex just messaged me stating his sister can no longer supervise his visits due to having surgery ( I'm pretty sure he is lying and they had a falling out) and wants me to appoint an alternative supervisor . I am under no obligation to appoint a supervisor per our CO in the event his sister is no longer able to. He is threatening to take me back to court if I don't. I'm not sure how he will afford to since he isn't working or paying child support and is about to lose his house to foreclosure. The only option left is for professional supervision at a facility in our town.

would you deviate from the Court order and allow him to have profressional supervised visits or wait and make him take you to court? My kids do love their dad and want to see him, but I'm not comfortable deferring from the CO because of how manipulative he is. I have had so many issues in the past with him and he will take advantage of any and everything.
Posted by Anonymous on Apr. 24, 2017 at 12:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
morgiefae
by on Apr. 24, 2017 at 12:10 PM
1 mom liked this

With the past you have discribed, I would stick to the CO to the letter.

wallace0521
by Bronze Member on Apr. 24, 2017 at 12:14 PM
I would stick to the CO. It isn't your fault the sister can't do it and if he wants to see them, he will take you back to court
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Apr. 24, 2017 at 12:14 PM

I wouldn't deviate and I'd just stop the visits for now. I'd wait because you know it's never going to happen. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Apr. 24, 2017 at 12:25 PM
You wrote you are under no obligation to appoint another supervisor- are you allowed to? If the kids want to see their dad, then I would call my lawyer and see what can be done as far as getting someone else to supervise. If they don't want to see their dad, then have him take you to court. Just be sure to talk to your lawyer or your family court person before allowing anything other than co states.
Elle.tea.22
by Emerald Member on Apr. 24, 2017 at 12:27 PM
Doesn't he have to pay for those supervised visits? Let him pay. If he can't afford it, too bad.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2017 at 12:32 PM
I called my lawyer Friday and am waiting for her to call me back. I technically could appoint another supervisor since I do have sole decision making. Its just hard to deviate from the CO with him as he is not a reasonable person and co-parenting is impossible. My kids do want to see their dad and that's why I feel torn.

Quoting Anonymous 3: You wrote you are under no obligation to appoint another supervisor- are you allowed to? If the kids want to see their dad, then I would call my lawyer and see what can be done as far as getting someone else to supervise. If they don't want to see their dad, then have him take you to court. Just be sure to talk to your lawyer or your family court person before allowing anything other than co states.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2017 at 12:33 PM
Yes he would. The cost is $40/hr. I don't think he would be able to afford it.

Quoting Elle.tea.22: Doesn't he have to pay for those supervised visits? Let him pay. If he can't afford it, too bad.
Grnyann65
by on Apr. 24, 2017 at 1:26 PM

Contact the SIL and see if what he's saying is true, and then....call the court and ask how you should handle it. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Apr. 24, 2017 at 1:31 PM

I would have made them supervised in a center by a neutral 3rd party to begin with because I wouldn't have trusted his sister to actually be there/supervise regardless of how I felt about her.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Apr. 24, 2017 at 2:14 PM
I pushed for professionally supervised visits in court , but the judge denied it since she felt his sister did not impose any risk to our kids.

Quoting Anonymous 4:

I would have made them supervised in a center by a neutral 3rd party to begin with because I wouldn't have trusted his sister to actually be there/supervise regardless of how I felt about her.

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