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I no longer speak to him and I'm not going to court

Posted by Anonymous
  • 24 Replies
My kids dad recently reappeared back in my kids lives after being absent for three years. He had no real reason for his absence he lied and told the judge I blocked him on Facebook and that's why he's been kissing for three years despite living 2.3 miles away from my apartment.

Dd12 just started middle school this year...his visitation started in November and ever since she's had a really difficult time. Out of nowhere dd had to be hospitalized twice for feeling suicidal. The first time I took dd to the psych ward I had her 9 year old brother with me. We had to sit in the waiting room literally all night long. .Ds9 has severe adhd/autism ..I was getting yelled at by the nurses for leaving him unattended if I went to go check on dd across the hall. They said it was dangerous because severely mentally ill people were around etc.

My family lives out of state . My kids dad is the ONLY people I know in this state! I called him all night to come pick up ds. Long story short he didn't pick him up until the very next afternoon at around 4:00 p.m. . My aunt had driven up from out of state to help me out with ds! He arrived 10 minutes after she did! Clearly he didn't want to be bothered picking up his son and helping us both out! Ds wanted out of that hospital!!

He did not visit Dd in the hospital during her stay, when she was released she called him he was rude to her on the phone and skipped a visit . He avoided her calls that week dd had enough and asked me could she block his phone number..I said yes you can.

A couple weeks ago they met with their attorney for the visitation case alone..the lawyer called me in told me dd told them she's feeling suicidal to take her to the hospital. I was like omg not again..I told the lawyer her father isn't going to help me with ds and she said she'd call him just get dd to the hospital asap.

We leave..20 minutes later he calls me and is angry the lawyer called him be said you could've called me yourself ! He meets me and picks up ds so I can take Dd to the hospital .

This past week I get a phone call from her school...I have to pick dd up she's saying she wants to kill herself . I wanna yell FFS not again! I go to grab a taxi to dd's school and call her dad..I told him the situation..and he said okay call me when you get ds .

I get dd...than pick up ds...and call their answer...I call again answer...I wait a half hour call answer..and it dawns on me.. dummy he doesn't wanna help he doesn't care! He was sitting at home relaxing with his wife and didn't wanna be bothered picking up ds or having him at his house .

So I take ds with me luckily dd was released hours later. .and the next morning I get a text from her dad saying hey how is she I didn't get a call yesterday ...which is an outright LIE ...he made himself unavailable when he knew I needed him for ds and sent a text to cover his ass the next morning like I'd be dumb enough to not realize what he did .

I didn't reply to his message and he showed up for his visitation thus weekend. Since than I've decided to not talk to him at all. He is nothing but an every other week babysitter. He clearly has no desire to coparent.

My kids complain every visit saying they don't wanna go . They just sit in a room playing video games he doesn't interact with them or take them anywhere . They barely even get food..on Sunday he feeds them breakfast sometimes a light lunch no dinner...Friday when he picks them up he doesn't feed them dinner so now I do . He drops them off early Sunday etc. They are not liking the visits..I realize I have no help at all and I'm on my own if an emergency arises...

I have another visitation court date to finalize the order in a couple weeks and I no longer want to show up. I'm ready to say fuck everything and end the visits.

He told me he doesn't have to help me with dd or pick up ds when dd has an emergency his only obligation is every other weekend that's it. Nothing more.

If that's the case what's the fucking point ? He picks them up and ignores them all weekend and only interacts with the kids with his wife. Why did he enter back in our lives?

Am I wrong for saying screw it and ending the visits? Am I wrong for expecting him to help me out with ds when our dd is having an emergency?
Posted by Anonymous on May. 16, 2017 at 10:19 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Anonymous 2 on May. 16, 2017 at 10:21 PM

way too long.

But not showing up for a court date is a really stupid idea.

by Gold Member on May. 16, 2017 at 10:28 PM
2 moms liked this
Make the court date. You skipping would be in his favor and would hurt the children because of it. Just stick it out.
by Anonymous 3 on May. 16, 2017 at 10:55 PM
I would have the kids make a statement in chambers to the judge. I would also ask to have the visits stop. They seem very unhealthy for your dd.
by Anonymous 4 on May. 16, 2017 at 10:59 PM
Is he the sperm donor of both children?
by Ruby Member on May. 16, 2017 at 11:03 PM
1 mom liked this

Yes, you are wrong in the fact that you expect him to be a parent.  He isn't acting that way and only seems to care about how much CS he is going to have to pay.  Stop expecting it of him.  You won't ever receive it.  Expect to primarily raise the kids on your own and he will assist when ever he feels like it, which won't be much, from the sounds of it.  He's an idiot if he thinks the courts won't see him for what he is.  

Start documenting EVERYTHING, if you haven't already.  The courts will need to know this in order to decide further, on what they should do.

by Bronze Member on May. 16, 2017 at 11:15 PM

If your DD's suicidal thoughts etc started when he got visits, is it possible there is something happening over there to cause them? I hope not, but for it to be out of the blue and coincidentally timed, like that, I think you may need to consider there might be more to the story. 

I hope she's okay soon. 

by Anonymous 5 on May. 16, 2017 at 11:27 PM
1 mom liked this

I'd go to court to ask for MORE money from him. If you need to provide care for ds because he's not obligated to be a man ask for money for emergency child care. Then ask about getting internet mandatory so they can get tablets or something to keep busy there since he won't do anything with them and they can take pictures if there's no food for them as well. I'd make his life hell and ask for a LOT of money for his kids since he's not obigated to be a man he can pay for their needs. I'm for custodial parent paying most expenses whoever the custodial parent is but he's worming his way out of everything. Why is your dd pulling the suicide card? I would be having major issues with that. I'd pull her out of school and treat her like they do in psych wards. No privacy, nothing she can hurt herself with. She can do her school work limited on the computer and be supervised constantly.

by Platinum Member on May. 16, 2017 at 11:34 PM
Go to court & make the case for your kids.
by Ruby Member on May. 16, 2017 at 11:41 PM
You can't just skip court. What's been your emergency plan for the last 3 years? Do you not know where he lives? When you have to take dd to the hospital go to his house and leave ds with him
by Queen Bee on May. 16, 2017 at 11:41 PM

If you skip court you lose by default. You need to bring this up with your lawyer.

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