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Sexless Marriage

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 34 Replies
I'll try to make a long story as short as possible.
I've been married to the same man for almost 10 years.
I loved him when we got married, and sex was good
But over the last six years, sex has dwindled to nothing
It's been a year and a half since we had sex.
It's him, not me
He prefers porn and self stimulation to getting the real thing.
I spent years thinking I had to stay, because I am a Christian and when I talked to one of my pastors a few years ago, he told me that "God hates divorce"
I've tried talking to DH about it. And he always makes some lame excuses and tells me he will try harder. That lasts about a month, and then it's back to the old ways
Once, we ended up in a huge fight where he almost left, and blamed me for it, because I was "tearing the family apart" with my "clinging and needing"
In the last four years, we've had sex about four times.
I'm pretty open with him, I didn't hate porn until the past two or three years. Not until it became his mistress so to speak.
He doesn't touch me, or hold my hand. If I try to hug him, he turns it into a side hug with a back pat.
I'm at a point, I don't even try any more. It's not with the rejection
He's a GREAT father, the kids love him. Even the ones not biologically his.
He adopted them a few years ago. Their bio father passed a way before I met DH.
He comes home from work, gives the kids attention, once they are in bed, he completely shuts down, if I try to talk to him he gives one word answers, and frankly half the time seems annoyed that I'm trying to converse with him.
I'm a WAHM, I don't make as much as him, but we're comfortable, I do all the housework and finances.
Until the last two years I've always dressed and put makeup on for him.
Now, I'm 42 years old, and haven't got it in me to keep trying to save a marriage and way of life that he has no interest in changing. He wasn't like this before.
I've even tried asking him where things changed and fell apart.
He says he's just not the same person he was then.
It's not lack of ability, because he likes porn, he says it's easier, he can get done and go back to his gaming.
Recently, an old boyfriend sent me a friend request on FB. I almost didn't accept it because he was my first real heartbreak, and I just wasn't sure I wanted to try being friends with him
He and I started talking.
Nothing crossing lines, just chatting and catching up.
He apologized for having been a douche all those years ago, and told me he spent years sorry he broke up with me.
I admit, he was my first love, and I never really got over him.
I wouldn't cross lines.
He actually even lives in another state, that would make seeing him in person difficult to even try if I were willing.
I'm sure some will rip me apart, but, am I crazy for feeling like I deserve more, better, even love?
We have five children three from my first marriage and two with him ages 7 and 5.
What will I be doing to all of them if I decide I'm done, and want out?
I'm not talking anything crazy like moving states. But taking the kids and finding another house and just not bein married to him.
I don't believe he's ever physically cheated on me.
It does feel like it though every time I put one of his crusty tee shirts in the wash. He doesn't even have the common courtesy to try to hide it.
I make as much money working from home as I did when I worked full time, but it wouldn't be enough to support all of us on my own.
I'd almost certainly have to go on PA. I know how many people look at that.
My oldest is going off to college this coming fall, so that's only 4 kids left.
At what point does it become acceptable to leave, and try to rebuild my life?
The older kids are even starting to notice that dad doesn't come to bed at the same time as mom, sometimes sleeping on the couch just so I don't get any ideas.
Am I crazy for wanting to leave, or for staying as long as I did?
Posted by Anonymous on May. 26, 2017 at 12:25 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 26, 2017 at 12:27 AM
1 mom liked this

You said you'd make it short.... that is to long to read.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 26, 2017 at 12:29 AM
I said "as short as possible"
Thanks for your input

Quoting Anonymous 2:

You said you'd make it short.... that is to long to read.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 26, 2017 at 12:29 AM
Sleep with the ex

Quoting Anonymous 2:

You said you'd make it short.... that is to long to read.

Bwanna12Bree
by Silver Member on May. 26, 2017 at 12:31 AM
Crazy for staying so long
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on May. 26, 2017 at 12:31 AM
I stopped after I saw that he's jacking off instead of having sex with you.

That right there tells me all I need to know. He's a selfish, lame little man with no game. None.

Dick in one hand, phone in the other. Fuck boy. Not even worth that novel you wrote.

Cut his real life impotency out and be done.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on May. 26, 2017 at 12:32 AM
You deserve better and more. Maybe a separation in hopes of maybe being able to go to counseling and fix things but if he's not willing then yes, you have ample reasons to divorce and shouldn't feel badly about it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on May. 26, 2017 at 12:32 AM
1 mom liked this
I've said this a million times on here: You get ONE life, why waste it unhappy? If he's unwilling to work on it and acknowledge your needs then you need to put your happiness first. Your children will never thank you for sacrificing your happiness for them. He will pay child support and that will help you guys get by. Don't continue living with a guy who probably won't notice your are gone.

DO NOT involve yourself with someone else until your marriage is taken care of.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 26, 2017 at 12:33 AM

Sleep with the ex?

Quoting Anonymous 3: Sleep with the ex
Quoting Anonymous 2:

You said you'd make it short.... that is to long to read.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 26, 2017 at 12:33 AM
Lol, while I can't deny the thought crossing my mind, I want to be at the very least separated before giving it any real consideration.
I also am trying to keep in mind, that there is a reason he is an "ex" lol
But the sex WAS awesome way back then lol

Quoting Anonymous 3: Sleep with the ex

Quoting Anonymous 2:

You said you'd make it short.... that is to long to read.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on May. 26, 2017 at 12:35 AM
Thank you.

Quoting Anonymous 4: I stopped after I saw that he's jacking off instead of having sex with you.

That right there tells me all I need to know. He's a selfish, lame little man with no game. None.

Dick in one hand, phone in the other. Fuck boy. Not even worth that novel you wrote.

Cut his real life impotency out and be done.
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