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Second update Update my mother-in-law said I treated her like a child and embarrassed her

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 288 Replies
My mother-in-law lives with us. In exchange for being able to live with us and not having to pay any household bills she watches our children during the day 2 days a week. I work night shift as a nurse two nights a week, usually Tuesday and Wednesday night. So her responsibility is watching the children usually from between 12-2 until 4 on Tuesday all day on Wednesday ( from the time my husband leaves until about 4 in the afternoon) and then until about noon on Thursday. Of course my husband takes over at night. So she's watching them a grand total of 20 hours a week maximum but it usually ends up being about 15. I should also mention that of our four children, two of them are in school. The other two are three and six months old. I personally do not think that's asking much in exchange for room and board.

She told me last week that her friend would be coming in town from Tuesday to Thursday. At first she tried to tell me that I was going to need to make other arrangements for the children because she was going to be spending time with her friend. I told her that if I need to make other arrangements for the children did she needs to find another place to live. She knows good and well that my schedule goes out six weeks in advance so she needs time off she needs to let me know six weeks in advance. So she made plans with her friend to come over to our house while she watch the kids and in the evenings.

So Tuesday rolls around and my mother-in-law went out with her friend in the morning to do some shopping and go to lunch. My mother-in-law was supposed to watch the kids from 12 to 4. They did not get back until 3 in the afternoon. I didn't know I had to go pick them up which means I did not get home and get to sleep until 3 and I had to wake up at 5. So yes I got less than 2 hours of sleep. Her friend didn't stay but mil got an earful when she got home from me. So then Wednesday, that's the day she supposed to watch them all day so that I can sleep. She texted me at work asking if I could stay up until 10 or so so that her and her friend could go out to breakfast after she dropped the older kids off at school. I said no that I wanted to go to sleep and this is part of our Arrangement. She didn't like that very much but her friend came over around lunch time. The entire time they were laughing loudly making tons of noise and it was just ridiculous. My 3 year old came into my room on several separate occasions because grandma wouldn't get her something to drink or something that she needed that grandma wasn't doing because grandma wasn't paying attention to her. I also woke up and got my baby after she cried for about 15 minutes after a full nap and my mother-in-law ignored her. So by this point it's about 2 and I haven't gotten hardly any sleep. I went out to the living room and asked my mother-in-law to please keep it down and please keep an eye on the children because I have to go to sleep. I overheard as I was walking back her whispering to her friend that I am so lazy and she has to basically raise my children for me. I turned around and I explained to the friend that Because she lives in our house yes we asked her to watch the kids while I sleep so I can go to work because I'm not going to hire somebody to come to my house and watch my kids while my mother-in-law sits on her but watching my TV and eating my food all day. But that they need to be clear about the fact that I could hire somebody to watch the kids well I sleep well as my mother-in-law cannot afford to live on her own. And it would actually be much better off for us to just hire somebody during the day to watch the kids rather than to have mother-in-law be a burden on us in our home for the rest of her life. I told my mother-in-law that she needs to ask her friend to go. My mother-in-law started flipping out at me and said I needed to go get my own Brats from school. I went and got my kids I called work and I called out because I hadn't gotten any sleep and my husband was going to be stuck in a meeting till 7 and I have to leave the house by 5:45.

When my husband got home she rushed to the door and tried telling him that I was treating her horribly and then tried to lie to him and say that she does all the housework and I drink all day long while she takes care of the kids 5 days a week. None of this is true I can barely get her to clean the bathroom that she uses. But she was basically trying to turn him against me and act like she does all this stuff that he doesn't know about. Well of course he knew all of that was a lie and he was surprised that I was home. I explained that over the past 2 days she has not done hardly anything she's supposed to do and I explained what she told her friend and then I told him I had to call off work because I didn't get any sleep and I had to go get the kids and she was refusing to watch the kids until he got home.

He told her that she needs to apologize and if she ever causes any kind of problems like this again then we will no longer let her live with us. She's been in her room pouting since then. Personally while I understand he doesn't want to kick his mom out over one issue I really feel like she needs to get out of my house. I also told my mother-in-law not to ask for any favors. Not to invite anyone over to my house not to ask me to pick her up extra stuff at the grocery store that she might want nothing because I refuse to do anything extra for her now

Update
My has not gotten any better married she's been really really Bitchie ever since this all started. I talked to my fact that I really don't feel comfortable with our children being Cared by somebody who is mad at us. I don't want her taking her frustrations out on the children or not doing a good job or bailing on us again. My husband agreed with me and her that she has until Monday to straighten up her attitude and come to me and apologize or we will go get an eviction notice. I talked to my mom and she is more than willing to watch the kids in the meantime. For the next month or two she is working only Friday and Saturdays. So we will see what happens.

For those of you who think it's unfair do you expect to be able to not show up to work or show up late or show up and not do your job and still be paid? Because I don't know what kind of jobs are work but if I pulled that at my work I would get fired.

Update

She has been more nasty than ever. Dh and I decided that we can't trust her to watch the kids anymore so tomorrow, he is going to file an eviction notice and have her served
Posted by Anonymous on May. 26, 2017 at 1:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on May. 26, 2017 at 1:28 PM
1 mom liked this
Family can suck. Sorry.
ucm115
by Silver Member on May. 26, 2017 at 1:28 PM
3 moms liked this

She needs to go. The cost of your happiness in your own home, and that of your children, is not worth "free" childcare.


She got treated like a child because she was acting like a child.

Talkingheads
by Emerald Member on May. 26, 2017 at 1:28 PM
I seriously don't blame you.
jws120567
by Platinum Member on May. 26, 2017 at 1:32 PM
2 moms liked this

So many things wrong with what your MIL did, I can't even.  I don't see at all why she couldn't continue doing what she normally did, only with the kids.  Or why SHE couldn't hire a babysitter so that she could spend quality time with her friend.  That she would refer to her own grandkids as brats, and talk shit about you right within your hearing, and ignore the little ones while you're trying to sleep.  And then to try to turn your husband against you on top of it all!  Yeah, she'd be on probation in my house, too.

VegetaPrincess
by Ruby Member on May. 26, 2017 at 1:33 PM
7 moms liked this

I'd tell her it's time to move out. The arrangement obviously isn't working for her or for you. 

handy0318
by Ruby Member on May. 26, 2017 at 1:34 PM
2 moms liked this

Doesn't sound as though the living arrangment is working out. 

Coffeeholic82
by Member on May. 26, 2017 at 1:35 PM
1 mom liked this

Wow!!! SOrry to hear this hun! And can I say bravo to you for standing up for youself and putting her in her place! I can completely understand why you want her out! I would too !! Sadly family help isn't worth the cost, especially with someone like that. If I were you I'd probably have another talk with your husband. Her running to him and blatantly lying abot you like that is BS!!! Back when my monster in law lived with us for awhile I'd had it & told my husband she HAD TO GO NOW because she got so demanding and stupid and had taken over our sons room. She tried to put her footdown and tell him he needed to suck it up and sacrifice becase she was staying. He told her aboslutely not, she was gone within less then 24 hours. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on May. 26, 2017 at 1:36 PM
2 moms liked this

Why couldn't she take the kids with her? I don't understand having free, family babysitters if they're just chained to your house. You go out and about with your kids right? Why can't she.

Baby4us09
by Platinum Member on May. 26, 2017 at 1:38 PM
1 mom liked this
I'd tell her to get on a list for section 8 and get a job. Then serve her with an eviction.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on May. 26, 2017 at 1:40 PM
Can't you move her to a senior housing place or a income based apartment? Somewhere other then your house? Your mil was way out of line.
Why couldn't mil just took the kids to the park and have a picnic while she visited with her friend there. The kids could play while mil kept a eye on them while she visited with her friend. Everyone could be as loud as they wanted and you could of gotten your much needed sleep.
You NEED to sleep. If you don't it starts to affect your work performance and your health.
Mil needs to go like yesterday!
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