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I've posted about this before and we are still arguing about it

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 51 Replies
I cheated last year, spare me the "your a horrible person" , "he's an idiot for forgiving you" , " you deserve everything bad you get". I've heard it all and at this point although I agree, it doesn't phase me anymore so don't waste your energy typing it, unless it just makes you feel better or something.

The question I asked before is whether or not it's ok for him to ask me to cut ties with 2 family members who knew but didn't tell him. He feels like they played a role in me cheating, like they had something to do with it. In my eyes they didn't and it wasn't their responsibility to call him. They rarely ever talked anyway so why would they feel the need to call him now? I have told him a million times it was me, it was my choice and I'm the one who hurt him. I do understand him feeling hurt but they didn't do anything wrong. I did try and cut them out because I want to be with him but I'm miserable without them and I'm starting to not like him for asking this of me. In my mind he either forgives me or he doesn't. If he wants me to leave I'll leave but if he wants me to stay, we can't have a relationship where I live under his thumb.
Besides saying you'd never cheat in the first place, IF this was your situation what would you do?
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 4, 2017 at 2:40 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Melissa_4
by Navy Mom on Jun. 4, 2017 at 2:42 PM
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No.  He's asking you to cut ties with your sister, and another close family member.  It's not their place to rat you out.  Sorry for him, but just no.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 4, 2017 at 2:43 PM
Look, he either forgives you or not. No one tells me who I can speak to, especially if it's members of my own family. I wouldn't stand for it at all. He's trying to alienate you from them. I'd tell him to drop it and move on or file for divorce.
alexmom529
by Platinum Member on Jun. 4, 2017 at 2:46 PM
He forgives you- not them.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 4, 2017 at 2:47 PM

You are right. Stay or go, what you did doesn't give him the right to alienate you from your family. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 4, 2017 at 2:48 PM
He either forgives you all the way or he doesn't. Forgiveness comes with no conditions and he has to realise if he can forgive you before moving forward.
If he's not ready for it yet, I think it's totally understandable but he needs to decide if he wants to work to achieve it or he is just incapable of doing it.
STVUstudent
by Ruby Member on Jun. 4, 2017 at 2:49 PM
3 moms liked this

If you are still arguing about it, if he is still insisting that you need to cut ties with family and you do not want to do that, then it may just be time to say, "I love you, I know that I hurt you and that is something that I can never take back or change.  If I could do it all over again I would never ever do what I did.  That being said, you are asking me to isolate myself from family because you believe that they were a part of this.  They were not.  I am not willing to cut off my only support system because you are insecure.  If you cannot work with me and a therapist to get past this then I am just going to have to let go of you so you can do what you think you need to do.  Do you want me to leave (or do you want to leave)?"

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jun. 4, 2017 at 2:53 PM

Have you guys tried therapy? I know, cliche, but maybe it will help.

AmaliaD
by Ruby Member on Jun. 4, 2017 at 2:54 PM
1 mom liked this
I think you should step back from yourself and your life and try to look in on it. It's painfully obvious that you're more in love with yourself and your family than the man. He wants a choice and he is making it those people because enablers are dangerous. But you already know you won't give them up. So you should really just end it with him.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Jun. 4, 2017 at 2:55 PM
1 mom liked this
It's a hard situation. He probably feels even more humiliated because they knew about it. And it's probably going to be hard for him to have them around now. I agree with you that it wasn't really there job to rat you out to him but it could be in his mind he's thinking that they encouraged it. Maybe as a way to soften the blow from the fact that you cheated. Maybe it helps him to think that you weren't going to cheat but they talked you into it somehow. I don't really know. I can't imagine cutting my sister and other close family member out of my life but then again I can't imagine breaking up my family over an affair that I had. I guess you're just going to have to decide what you want more. Do you want your family together or do you want these other family members in your life. It may not be 100% fair for him to make you make this choice but it's also really not fair for you to cheat on him so I guess in my mind it's not really his job to make this easier on you
abacobaby
by Bronze Member on Jun. 4, 2017 at 2:56 PM
THIS right here!!!!

Quoting STVUstudent:

If you are still arguing about it, if he is still insisting that you need to cut ties with family and you do not want to do that, then it may just be time to say, "I love you, I know that I hurt you and that is something that I can never take back or change.  If I could do it all over again I would never ever do what I did.  That being said, you are asking me to isolate myself from family because you believe that they were a part of this.  They were not.  I am not willing to cut off my only support system because you are insecure.  If you cannot work with me and a therapist to get past this then I am just going to have to let go of you so you can do what you think you need to do.  Do you want me to leave (or do you want to leave)?"

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