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Adopted young adult won't see her birth mom anymore

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 31 Replies
This is my cousin and I'm wondering what people's thoughts on this are

My cousin is 21. She was adopted at birth by my aunt and uncle. Her birth mom was 17, and the adoption was semi-open - once a year visits and pictures. Unfortunately her birth mom got into drugs for 5 years and they didn't see each other. But she got clean and sober and has been for a decade now. My aunt and uncle started up visits again once a year.

Since she turned 18, my cousin has been either cancelling or avoiding her birth mom. Why? Her birhh mom became a born again Christian and is generally very conservative and very religious now. My cousin isn't religious at all, and she said it's just awkward and uncomfortable, her birth mom is preachy and she "doesn't like her".

However my heart hurts for her birth mom too. She's called my aunt and uncle in tears and said she doesn't know why she hates her, asked them to talk to her, and once lost her cool and said they raised her to be stuck up (my aunt and uncle are much wealthier than her), because apparently my cousin had always been uncomfortable around the birth moms family, who proudly call themselves rednecks.

It came to a head last week when her mom sent her a Facebook message and my cousin just replied "I'm not interested in a relationship with you. I've appreciated the chance to know you, but I would prefer to not have further contact at this point", and blocked her. My aunt and uncle talked to her but she's set on it. Idk it just all makes me sad.
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 17, 2017 at 3:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 3:27 PM
2 moms liked this

birth mom sounds pushy and judgemental..also,i think people miss the point of adoption.if she wanted a relationship,she should have parented..

VickyJoJo
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 3:29 PM

The BM brought this upon herself by trying to push her beliefs on your cousin and by blaming your aunt and uncle for this.  She has no respect for your cousin.

Im adopted and am thankful that my adoption wasn't open.  I think it muddies the boundaries and creates the possibility of BMs overstepping.

ShaMac
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 3:30 PM
Sounds like the bm traded one addiction for another. She should work on her boundaries and stop pushing. They don't have that type of relationship and bm pushing for it is ruining or has ruined what relationship they had.
Danesmommy1
by Grammar Enthusiast on Jun. 17, 2017 at 3:30 PM
Too little too late, BM.
Talkingheads
by Ruby Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 3:31 PM
1 mom liked this
Cousin needs to send birth mom a cease and desist letter and Aunt and Uncle needs to block her
grannie_kel
by Platinum Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 3:33 PM
This really falls into the not anyone else's business. It is her choice to see or not see the person who gave her up. Her mom did give her up, that was her choice that she now has to live with.
illneverbeold
by Gold Member on Jun. 17, 2017 at 3:34 PM
I think that the birth mom brought it upon herself. Also, she is an adult now, maybe she feels she has had a fulfilled childhood and doesn't feel she needs additional family. I'm not sure what my (I adopted) daughters will decide for contact with their birth mother and her family when they are adults, but I will respect what ever decision they make.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 17, 2017 at 3:36 PM
2 moms liked this
Myob. Adopted girl sounds level headed and confident. Kudos.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 17, 2017 at 3:36 PM
1 mom liked this

I think that she is an adult and is now capable of making her own decisions.  I think she has a right to decide who she wants in her life and who she doesn't.

Sassy762
by 200 on Jun. 17, 2017 at 3:38 PM

This is all the birth moms fault. She pushed and pushed until finally your cousin pushed back.

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