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My biological daughter is turning 2 tomorrow

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 34 Replies
I made the decision to give her up at birth. You see, I was only 15 when I had her. Her father and I had a fling. We're not relationship material, but we are still friends (we have been since elementary school). When my parents found out I was pregnant, they threw me out. I've been living with various friends since. I knew I couldn't keep my daughter. I didn't have an education, job or place to live. It was a decision I had to make. But, I still really wish I could have kept her. I loved her so much. It makes me ache. My heart hurts tonight

Any other birth moms on here? Does it get easier with time? Will I always be wondering about what could have been? Maybe it'll be easier once I have a family of my own. It is just that right now, life sucks. I'm doing what I have to to graduate and leave this area for college. I feel so alone.
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 19, 2017 at 2:05 AM
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Replies (1-10):
GKmoms18
by on Jun. 19, 2017 at 2:11 AM
Hugs. Honey I'm so sorry. How are you doing besides feeling sad? I've lost two children due to stillbirth and SIDS . The pain does get more tolerable as time goes on. It's not as sharp.
Trixie_dahl
by on Jun. 19, 2017 at 2:12 AM
2 moms liked this
Sorry you're going through this. I haven't been in your situation but I can't sleep so I'm reading random posts. Keep fighting to come out on top. That's what your future goals should look like
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2017 at 2:16 AM
I feel like I'm just waiting for real life to start. I'm ready to be done with high school and go off to college so I can start new in some place that nobody knows me

I'm so sorry for your losses. Stillbirth was one of my biggest worries when I was pregnant

Quoting GKmoms18: Hugs. Honey I'm so sorry. How are you doing besides feeling sad? I've lost two children due to stillbirth and SIDS . The pain does get more tolerable as time goes on. It's not as sharp.
GKmoms18
by on Jun. 19, 2017 at 2:18 AM
It was terrifying every pregnancy afterward. SIDS was the worst. Can I ask what type of adoption you had? I have an open adoption with my youngest. He sees his birth parents every six months. His birth mother has been a good friend of mine since middle school.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I feel like I'm just waiting for real life to start. I'm ready to be done with high school and go off to college so I can start new in some place that nobody knows me

I'm so sorry for your losses. Stillbirth was one of my biggest worries when I was pregnant

Quoting GKmoms18: Hugs. Honey I'm so sorry. How are you doing besides feeling sad? I've lost two children due to stillbirth and SIDS . The pain does get more tolerable as time goes on. It's not as sharp.
Princess_s21
by Sarah on Jun. 19, 2017 at 2:19 AM
I'm sure you made the right decision for your baby at the time, I can't imagine how hard that was for you 😞. You gave someone the greatest gift ever possible, I hope they appreciate that. Is your adoption open at all? Do you ever get photos or to see her etc?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2017 at 2:26 AM
It's completely closed. I didn't really know what I was doing (with all of the legal things) and at the time I thought it would've been easier with a closed adoption.

Quoting GKmoms18: It was terrifying every pregnancy afterward. SIDS was the worst. Can I ask what type of adoption you had? I have an open adoption with my youngest. He sees his birth parents every six months. His birth mother has been a good friend of mine since middle school.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I feel like I'm just waiting for real life to start. I'm ready to be done with high school and go off to college so I can start new in some place that nobody knows me

I'm so sorry for your losses. Stillbirth was one of my biggest worries when I was pregnant

Quoting GKmoms18: Hugs. Honey I'm so sorry. How are you doing besides feeling sad? I've lost two children due to stillbirth and SIDS . The pain does get more tolerable as time goes on. It's not as sharp.
GKmoms18
by on Jun. 19, 2017 at 2:37 AM
Even though it hurts, a completely closed adoption was probably the best choice for you. In some cases, I think access to the kids can really root you in time and cause confusing emotions for the parents of the child. It hurts a lot now but someday you'll be okay with your daughter being raised by someone else. You gave her the biggest gift you could at the expense of your whole heart.

The best thing you can do, in my opinion, is to work hard, set goals and reach them so when you are ready to have your family, you get all you've imagined and more. Start small, have a small daily goal, a weekly one and so on. Go to school, keep your eye on the big picture and accept the pain.

I adopted my son, who is nine months old, a month after I had his sister. She was my last biological child; after her birth I hemorrhage and it turned out I had endometrial cancer. They took all my reproductive bits out that day. She passed away in November last year, and was born in August.

Her name is Charlie. She died of SIDS. I tried to hold onto everything of hers. From her clothing, to her toys, binkies and cloth diapers. I couldn't even begin to think about anything but her, my milk started to dry up (I breastfeed my youngest too) then one of my best friends found out she is having twins, a boy and a girl. She has all the boy stuff she needs and her husband is kind of a loser so they don't have much money. So I went through my dds stuff. And I cried and got angry and processed so much that hour of my life. I kept things that were special like her blankets and her take home outfit. Her favorite toy, my favorite outfit. Those things are put in a drawer that we call Charlie's drawer and whenever we miss her (especially my oldest son) we go through her drawer and look at pictures (there are pictures on the wall too) we talk about her. But I always try to remind my son and myself that no matter how much we miss her, she can't come back but we can honor her and love her memory by remembering her and talking about her. That Charlie wouldn't have wanted us to forget to go and live life because we miss her.

He's probably coping better than me!

The point of that story is that you can move forward, you can live and be happy and still feel sadness and anger and all the other negative emotions but we can't let those negatives hold us back from all the positives in life.


Quoting Anonymous 1: It's completely closed. I didn't really know what I was doing (with all of the legal things) and at the time I thought it would've been easier with a closed adoption.

Quoting GKmoms18: It was terrifying every pregnancy afterward. SIDS was the worst. Can I ask what type of adoption you had? I have an open adoption with my youngest. He sees his birth parents every six months. His birth mother has been a good friend of mine since middle school.

Quoting Anonymous 1: I feel like I'm just waiting for real life to start. I'm ready to be done with high school and go off to college so I can start new in some place that nobody knows me

I'm so sorry for your losses. Stillbirth was one of my biggest worries when I was pregnant

Quoting GKmoms18: Hugs. Honey I'm so sorry. How are you doing besides feeling sad? I've lost two children due to stillbirth and SIDS . The pain does get more tolerable as time goes on. It's not as sharp.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 2:57 AM
1 mom liked this
I wanted to give up DD for adoption, but her dad wouldn't agree. As it was, he fought me for custody. Multiple times. It was a nightmare. It took more than half a dozen CPS investigations, a couple of which were concurrent with police investigations, before I got her away from her dad. It wasn't even me who was able to convince the courts. CPS was still recommending reunification. She took a bunch of Tylenol and called her own ambulance to get out of visitation. The next time visitation was reinstated, she called 911 and told the operator she was going to kill herself if she was made to see her father. Both times she ended up hospitalized over it. It was wrong, but effective. Our judge finally listened to her and she hasn't had to visit her dad since.

She's been diagnosed with an alphabet of mental health issues. I am still making payments to the lawyers I used over the years. I have no idea how I'll pay for her to go to college to do better than me.

I think sometimes about this great life she could have had if she could have been adopted. All the bad things that would never have happened to her. I wish she could have had that life.
AnotherKim
by Ruby Member on Jun. 19, 2017 at 2:58 AM

Big hug.

KendallsMommee
by Spoiled SAHM on Jun. 19, 2017 at 2:59 AM
Hugs!
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