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New update 07/02... update 1st page I think my brother is abusing his DF

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 175 Replies
What would you do? I don't want to flat out accuse my brother of abuse but sometimes right and if it were me I would want someone to help me. Should I bring it up to her? Do I confront him? Should bring it up to one of my siblings or parents to see if they get the same vibe?

Edit

She has just changed a lot. We haven't seen them much since they got engaged last year, we would only see them on holidays, Birthdays and a few Sunday dinners. When they first got together we were really close until they go engaged and moved in together.

At first a I thought it was just them adjusting to moving in together, she doesn't text back or call like she used to, she mostly talks at work, if she ever does talk at home she gets off the phone soon as he walks in the room. The past few times we've hung out she is not her normal bubbly self she seems inches anxious and uncomfortable. Yesterday we had a Father's Day BBQ and she seemed jumpy, anytime my brother would walk into the room she would either stop talking or jump to see what he needed. And what really put the icing on the cake was when I hugged her goodbye yesterday she tensed up like she was in pain and when I asked her was she ok my brother answered yea she is clumsy she probably fell down the stairs again.

Update

I didn't meet with her until today she wasn't at work the last few days said she was sick, I went to their house house yesterday but no one answered i called and texted a few times she answer me back last night saying she was sick and that she had sprained her wrist. She agreed to meet with me today for a play date.

One the kids were out earshot I asked her if there wa anything going on between her and my brother, she asked what I was talking about and I told her everything I mentioned to you guys and I asked her about her wrist. She got very uncomfortable and she denied anything was happening she said that she sprained her wrist chasing her daughter up the stairs and that she is fine and to please not say anything to my brother or anyone else. I told her that if he was hurting her she could trust me and that she needs to leave him. She denied anything was going on once again and begged me not to say anything. I told If and whenever she is ready to talk I am here.

I am suppose to babysit for them tomorrow. I don't want to drag the kids into this but should I ask the kids if anything is going on and how do I do so without it being obvious to them?

06/30
Yesterday update I made in page 13
They did say anything on Friday the got picked up Saturday morning. I just started watching them daily this weeks and they didn't say anything the first few days but I did notice that some morning the kids are more down than then they usually are. I'll ask them what's wrong and they say nothing or not answer at all.

Today the her daughter was really down and she was just sitting at the kitchen table alone and I asked her what's wrong, at first she wouldn't answer then she said that she was sad becuase her mommy got hurt again, I asked her how and she wouldn't say. I haven't been able to talk to my SIL set for a little bit on the phone when she checks on the kids during the day my brother has done the dropping off and picking up this week.

New
Today when my brother dropped off he said she will start picking up and dropping off. I am planning on talking to her on more time when she picks up today, if she refuses I am going to focus on the kids. Where do I start do I talk my family first

Update 07/02
I wasn't able to talk to her Friday she was in a big hurry when she picked up but promised to meet with me yesterday which she did. We met last night I brought the situation up to her again and I told her my concerns for the kids and what he daughter had said, she just broke down crying. She says that she is afraid of my brother that he threatens her all the time that if she leaves or tells anyone he will kill her and he always tells her that he is going have her daughter taking away from her becuase she is a bad mom. She said that she didn't fall down the stairs on accident, he hit her and she fell and the last time before Father's Day he slammed her into the stairs as she was going up, and he was the one that hurt her wrist this week.

She told me that he hits her all the time. I told her that she needs to go to police and take her daughter and leave. She refuses to leave him or let me help her she says she is afraid and that she doesn't want to leave my niece and nephews that she loves them and don't want to abandon them or lose her daughter. She begged me not to say or do anything.

I really don't know what to do here. I can't let her and the kids keep living like this, my brother needs to be held responsible and I don't know how much longer I can keep this to myself she needs help. What would you do with? Go to my family? Go to the police? What?
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 19, 2017 at 9:29 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Twattle
by on Jun. 19, 2017 at 9:30 AM
1 mom liked this
What makes you think he's abusive?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 9:30 AM


Quoting Twattle: What makes you think he's abusive?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 9:31 AM
What makes you think this? What's he doing?
fullxbusymom
by Sapphire Member on Jun. 19, 2017 at 9:32 AM


Quoting Twattle: What makes you think he's abusive?


Titanium
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2017 at 9:32 AM
Talk to her, ask her.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 9:32 AM

What are some of the signs that you notice?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 9:32 AM
I would need a lot more details about the situation before giving any kind of answer


Why do you think he's using her? Was there a history of abuse in your family?

Are you close to her?

How long is it been going on?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2017 at 9:51 AM
She has just changed a lot. We haven't seen them much since they got engaged last year, we would only see them on holidays, Birthdays and a few Sunday dinners. When they first got together we were really close until they go engaged and moved in together.

At first a I thought it was just them adjusting to moving in together, she doesn't text back or call like she used to, she mostly talks at work, if she ever does talk at home she gets off the phone soon as he walks in the room. The past few times we've hung out she is not her normal bubbly self she seems inches anxious and uncomfortable. Yesterday we had a Father's Day BBQ and she seemed jumpy, anytime my brother would walk into the room she would either stop talking or jump to see what he needed. And what really put the icing on the cake was when I hugged her goodbye yesterday she tensed up like she was in pain and when I asked her was she ok my brother answered yea she is clumsy she probably fell down the stairs again.

Quoting Twattle: What makes you think he's abusive?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2017 at 9:54 AM
I added what I mentioned to another poster in the OP

Quoting fullxbusymom:

Quoting Twattle: What makes you think he's abusive?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2017 at 9:59 AM
I asked her at my nephew kindergarten graduation was everything ok and she said she was fine that her pregnancy has her feeling out of wack. this has been going way before she even announced she was pregnant and after yesterday I just got stronger feeling something isn't right. I don't want to push for answers becuase I don't want to put her in bad position.

Quoting Titanium: Talk to her, ask her.
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