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Would you wait to avoid a temper tantrum from BM? It's long, sorry.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 55 Replies
Dh pays 25% of his income for his two children
He also pays for their health insurance
Half of all medical bills
Half of all extracurricular activities
Plus their school lunches and breakfasts
Plus we spend 250 a piece on school clothes every August and help throughout the year if they need things
Plus we pay for half of their school supplies and again throughout the year if they need things.
And of course throughout the year when things come up dh pays it if he feels like it's needed.

The kids don't ask us for a lot during the year so when they do we always try to oblige. SS wanted to buy a paintball gun from his friend for 50 bucks but since he doesn't work he has no income he asked Dh and Dh gave him the money. Just last month SD decided she wanted a coffee pot for her mom's house so Dh bought her one and a supply of coffee.

I don't mind or get pissed at what dh pays and for what. Those are his children and he needs to help pay for them. I do get upset with BM thinking we should pay more because we have luxuries.

We have cable, a cleaning lady, newer cars, we go out to dinner several times a month and we take weekend getaways two or three times a year just Dh and I and we take the kids on vacation in the summer time.

We aren't rich, we both work and manage our money better than she does. She's made bad choices in life and one of them was marrying a man who's now serving time for killing someone while driving drunk so she doesn't have a two income household (unless you count the child support) She has never learned to manage money, she's constantly broke due to numerous reasons that are all avoidable if she would set a budget.

When she hears we've done something or have something she has she makes offhandedly remarks about how rich we are or that she needs to take us to court. Then like clockwork within a week she's come up with a long list of things we need to pay for.

We've had a cleaning lady for several years and it's never come up until Tuesday. The kids were here when she came in and we were on our way out because she was there. Sd was texting her mom and must have said something about us having to leave because Maria was there. Just offhanded I know she didn't tell her mom in hopes of starting something. Dh received a text message from bm saying he needed to speak with her immediately. When he called she went on about it must be nice to be rich enough to afford help and that if we were that rich she should be getting more in child support and then went on to tell Dh that the kids both have expenses he should be paying and that he needs to pay her more.

This is how she does it each and every time she finds out we've done or have something she doesn't.

The problem is we are starting the process of buying a house. We have the money saved up and have an appointment to speak with our bank about a loan. When bm hears about this she's going to hit the roof. She still lives in a small apartment with the kids.

The kids will be graduating in 2 years for one and 3 years for another and I'm tempted to just hold off on buying a house until then so that we can avoid the shitstorm that will come our way.

I hate to think that bm is dictating our life but I wonder if it's just easier to wait until Dh is done paying child support and no longer has an obligation to bm.

And because this is CM the divorce decree does not state Dh has to pay child support past 18/finished with HIGH SCHOOL. We will help the kids with college and living expenses but they will get the money not bm.

So to keep the peace would you just wait to buy a house?
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 19, 2017 at 12:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
This_Lady_KK
by Gold Member on Jun. 19, 2017 at 12:11 PM

No. I go through the same thing with my husband's ex wife. Luckily, the state of Texas decided years ago that the new spouse's income cannot be considered for the purpose of child support so if she does decide to take us to court, she is in for a surprise.

SergeantSausage
by Ruby Member on Jun. 19, 2017 at 12:14 PM
No but I wouldn't put up with that either. If he didn't tell her to mind her own fucking business, quit with the diareah of the mouth and threats to court, I sure as hell would.

I just don't understand how and why this kind of dumb shit is allowed but it seems pretty common here.
Your husband needs to remove his balls from her purse. No way I would put up with a fuck boy.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 12:14 PM

Oh my god stop. You lost me at "she made bad choices" like she could somehow have predicted AND is responsible for what her husband did. Jesus Christ, how do you get your shirt on in the morning over that giant head of yours.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2017 at 12:15 PM
She married him AFTER he killed someone. So yeah anyone could've figured out he would serve time for that.

Quoting Anonymous 2:

Oh my god stop. You lost me at "she made bad choices" like she could somehow have predicted AND is responsible for what her husband did. Jesus Christ, how do you get your shirt on in the morning over that giant head of yours.

VickyJoJo
by Gold Member on Jun. 19, 2017 at 12:16 PM
2 moms liked this

That is a tough one.  I don't like the idea of letting BM dictate your life because you are afraid of her antics.  But I can see where it will be a PITA when she gets wind of this.

Before making any decision, I would do a couple of things.  Calculate the actual cost of all those things you outlined at the beginning of your post.  Then look at the child support calculator for your state and see how that lines up.  This is just to be on the safe side.  After that, maybe you should talk to your attorney to see what are your legal options with regards to BM and how far she can go (as in maybe you can pre-empt her request for more child support).

Good luck.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 12:19 PM
I can understand wanting to wait, but I don't think I would. As long as he's doing his part as their father financially, emotionally and physically...let her be upset.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 12:20 PM
2 moms liked this

Honestly, no, I would not hold off on buying the house.  Do it now, before the kids head to college, so that they have some time for that to be "home" before they leave home.  Otherwise, they won't have memories, or a personal connection to your new place, and they will always feel like guests there.

In most (perhaps all) states, your income will not be a factor in determining his CS obligation.  So she can grumble all she pleases.  But that's all it will amount to ... grumbling and hot air.  Which you are completely at liberty to ignore.  😉  

I would not let her alter our life choices on something like that.  Don't give her that much power or space in your head.

FreyaM
by on Jun. 19, 2017 at 12:21 PM
No, I would not wait to buy the house. She has way too much control over your lives. Put an end to that now.
HaloSue
by Platinum Member on Jun. 19, 2017 at 12:21 PM
1 mom liked this
Buy the house and if you can put it in your name only! She cannot touch what you have and add DH on once his obligations are met at 18!
Rg41907
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2017 at 12:26 PM
Buy your home. The next time she calls your dh all he needs to say is,"I'm sorry you feel that way, good bye." And the next time, and the next time.....Eventually she will get the message that her tirades will not be tolerated and will stop calling.
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