Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

My ex husband gets to be mr fun guy while I get the dirty work

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 28 Replies
He fathered my two kids. We were married for 9 years and together 10. He consistently chose alcohol over his family, couldn't hold a decent job, and let me do everything for he and the kids. When the kids needed clothes, he'd throw a fit and say he needed clothes. If I tried to save, he'd throw a fit and say he needed this or that.

Fast forward to today... it's been 4 years since we divorced. The first 8 months we were separated he had no good job so I didn't go after back suppport when the divorce went through. Another year went by before I received any support for the kids. I accepted a minimal support order of 434 per month. The kids are on my insurance. I started getting suppport after that and he's paying me 500 to catch up. Fine.... he still drinks constantly. Has a new wife that pays for his living expenses. Still gets money from his mom. The support is pretty consistent but sometimes he misses. The kids are with me primarily. He takes his visits, does stuff with them etc. however I know His wife finds the meals and activities on her dime. He drinks, sleeps, plays video games, and goes to golf repeat.


My kids think he's the greatest guy ever..., they think he takes good care of them. They think he's a good father. I guess that's good but it's hard always being the displinary, and sometimes sole source of support for them. I get all the dirty work and he gets to be mr fun guy. My kids take me for granted big time. I don't bad mouth their father ever. It's just hard.... my kids are 12 and 9. They're boys so they're starting to indenitify more with their dad. This is harder and harder for me as they get older.
Posted by Anonymous on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:28 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:36 PM
Bump
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:38 PM
Grow up
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:39 PM
He's the one who needs to grow up. Not me.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Grow up
Famousglm714
by Gina on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:40 PM
2 moms liked this

I wonder why his new wife even wants to deal with all that? So weird. Kids don't get it when they're kids but they will completely get it when they're older. I promise. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:41 PM
She doesn't anymore. She's vented to me several times about him.

Quoting Famousglm714:

I wonder why his new wife even wants to deal with all that? So weird. Kids don't get it when they're kids but they will completely get it when they're older. I promise. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:42 PM
I feel the same way about my ex. He's always had it so easy while I've been the one having to worry about every fucking thing. I can relate.
DramaLlamaMama
by Silver Member on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:43 PM
4 moms liked this
It won't last forever. They will recognize who was there for them the most as they get older. So have your pity party but don't dwell on it long.
NutraNut17
by Bronze Member on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:44 PM
1 mom liked this

This often happens.  It's normal and eventually they will get it.  But it probably won't happen until their late teens at the earliest.  At least that's when mine figured it out.

Just keep doing what you're doing and come here to vent/commiserate.  There's actually a few groups on here that you might like.

Single moms, divorced moms, age group specific (both kids and moms), etc.  Under my other sn I'm part of the 40+ group and the single mom group.  They're both good for support when things get tough.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:45 PM

Yes it does.

You need to stop thinking about and worrying about what his wife does cause honestly its none of your business.  It makes no difference to your children, they are getting what they need while they are with him.

I know most would congratulate you for not saying anything bad about their dad.  It's not the approach I took with mine.  At around 10 years old I started telling my kids the truth about their dad when I felt it was appropriate.  I didn't go into a lengthy diatribe by any means but kept the comments short and direct to the point of what they would say.

Kids need to know the truth

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Jun. 19, 2017 at 3:45 PM
2 moms liked this

 I'm going through a similiar situation and I have an aunt that has gone through this very thing. I don't talk bad about dad ever, and my son sees him whenever dad chooses to spend time with him. The best advice my aunt ever gave me was...

"Children are observant. They know what role people play in their lives. Stop focusing on fun parent versus "mean" parent and understand that when the kids are grown and on their way out the door, they'll understand who did what for them."

You're kids don't take you for granted mom. They're just kids and at this age who wouldn't identify more with the "fun" parent?? But trust that they know which parent has and will always love, protect, and provide for them. That's you. Hang in there. You'll see the reward in the end. 

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)