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If you are/were a people pleaser....

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 22 Replies

what are some things you do or  you did to please others?

if you overcame it, what did you do to stop being a people pleaser?

i am in the process of trying to not be one. i have come a long way, but i still have some of it in me. i tend to put others above my needs a lot. i used to never enjoy any parties that we had at our house because i was too busy being the "hostess with the mostess". i go to other people's parties and they are moslty sitting and chilling and visiting with people. i am doing more of that :)

i am an empath so i feel everyone's feelings and energy and i would always feel very responsible to make eveyrone feel comfortable to the highest degree. i am working on fending off those feelings (although i still feel them) but i am telling myself that i don't have to tend to everyone's feelings and they are responsible for their own.


Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 14, 2017 at 11:16 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 14, 2017 at 11:20 AM

.

Pink.Sunshine
by Petty Princess on Jul. 14, 2017 at 11:23 AM
I used to tell everyone what they wanted to hear. "no, that skirt doesn't make your butt look fat"
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 14, 2017 at 11:23 AM
I stopped answering texts and calls from certain people I knew only things from me.

Every day without fail I would get a text or phone call "are you going shopping? Can you take me with you?" I ended up sending phone numbers of local super markets that deliver groceries. We live in the middle of no where. No public transportation, even taxis won't come up here. If you don't drive don't live here. These people are completly capable of getting their license but refuse to.

I was also used a lot by people to watch their kids because I'm a sahm. Once I refused to do so I was ignored by those people. At first it was fine, every once in a while but than it got out of control.

Finally I said enough is enough and stopped. I still get calls about rides to the supermarket. It's always a firm no.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 14, 2017 at 11:27 AM

i still do that because i think most people don't want to hear that because it would hurt their feelings.

Quoting Pink.Sunshine: I used to tell everyone what they wanted to hear. "no, that skirt doesn't make your butt look fat"


Pink.Sunshine
by Petty Princess on Jul. 14, 2017 at 11:28 AM
I'll say something like, "it's a cute skirt but it does give you more "oomf"

Quoting Anonymous 1:

i still do that because i think most people don't want to hear that because it would hurt their feelings.

Quoting Pink.Sunshine: I used to tell everyone what they wanted to hear. "no, that skirt doesn't make your butt look fat"

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 14, 2017 at 11:29 AM

i see a therapist and she says we are not "on call". just because it's easy to answer a text doesn't mean we have to right away. hell, sometimes people never end up responding to my texts so i shouldn't feel like i have to respond right away if i don't feel like it.

but yes, those favor things...no. if i feel like it every once in awhile, perhaps, but i won't let it become a habit. i was happy when i got a part time job because i was able to say no, i have to work even if i didn't have to work....but it was a good excuse to use.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I stopped answering texts and calls from certain people I knew only things from me. Every day without fail I would get a text or phone call "are you going shopping? Can you take me with you?" I ended up sending phone numbers of local super markets that deliver groceries. We live in the middle of no where. No public transportation, even taxis won't come up here. If you don't drive don't live here. These people are completly capable of getting their license but refuse to. I was also used a lot by people to watch their kids because I'm a sahm. Once I refused to do so I was ignored by those people. At first it was fine, every once in a while but than it got out of control. Finally I said enough is enough and stopped. I still get calls about rides to the supermarket. It's always a firm no.


Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 14, 2017 at 11:30 AM
Yes I was and still am but I'm making progress and not putting others ahead of me as much .

now I'm finally looking out for myself and doing what's best for me. it takes a while though . I still feel guilty for saying " no" ,
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 14, 2017 at 11:30 AM

i think that's a cute way to say it! :) i would be able to say something like that to my cousin...she would want the truth no matter how i said it, but saying it like the way you did i think is nice and cute :)

Quoting Pink.Sunshine: I'll say something like, "it's a cute skirt but it does give you more "oomf"
Quoting Anonymous 1:

i still do that because i think most people don't want to hear that because it would hurt their feelings.

Quoting Pink.Sunshine: I used to tell everyone what they wanted to hear. "no, that skirt doesn't make your butt look fat"



Pink.Sunshine
by Petty Princess on Jul. 14, 2017 at 11:31 AM
😁

Quoting Anonymous 1:

i think that's a cute way to say it! :) i would be able to say something like that to my cousin...she would want the truth no matter how i said it, but saying it like the way you did i think is nice and cute :)

Quoting Pink.Sunshine: I'll say something like, "it's a cute skirt but it does give you more "oomf"

Quoting Anonymous 1:

i still do that because i think most people don't want to hear that because it would hurt their feelings.

Quoting Pink.Sunshine: I used to tell everyone what they wanted to hear. "no, that skirt doesn't make your butt look fat"

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 14, 2017 at 11:32 AM

i used to be full of guilt for anything and everything! although i have hated it so much, people cancelling on me and saying no or just not responding to my calls/emails/texts has made me feel like well f it, i can do that too. but i don't want to ignore people but sometimes i take my time to respond if they are people that rarely respond back anyways. it sucks because it's like a part of me is learning from sucky people but at the same time, it's putting me first more.

Quoting Anonymous 3: Yes I was and still am but I'm making progress and not putting others ahead of me as much . now I'm finally looking out for myself and doing what's best for me. it takes a while though . I still feel guilty for saying " no" ,


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