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I don't know how to feel or what to do...

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 39 Replies
I'll make this as short as possible. My husband left in March of 2016. Legally we were separated, but it was definitely over. 2 months later I met this guy, I'll call him G. At the time I was just looking for friends with benefits, but G kind of swept me off my feet. I agreed to start a relationship. In June he left the state for a temporary job, and disappeared on me without a word. I didn't know if he was ok, if he just met someone else, or what. 6 months later in december I hear from him again. We talk off and on, but he still disappears for weeks at a time. The reason boils down to depression. He goes into these fits of extreme isolation. Last night he tells me he's moving back into my state. He wants to see me. I agreed, but I don't know how to feel about all this. My feelings for him have always been intense, because we've always had a very unique connection. But if it were someone else I would probably advise them to keep their distance.
Posted by Anonymous on Jul. 14, 2017 at 1:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Jul. 14, 2017 at 1:49 PM
3 moms liked this
I personally would not have anything to do with that. Too much drama and instability.
jules2boys
by on Jul. 14, 2017 at 1:51 PM

I'd let this go until he's much more stable.  I couldn't hang onto a friendship like that, much less something deeper.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 14, 2017 at 1:52 PM
I haven't physically seen him in over a year. Feels like I need to in order to sort through my feelings. Idk if they're real, or if I'm just reacting to a memory.

Quoting Anonymous 2: I personally would not have anything to do with that. Too much drama and instability.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 14, 2017 at 1:52 PM

yeah, that sounds so unstable that i wouldn't want him to mess with my emotions like that. i had an intense love like that before and when it was good, it was soooo good, but when it was bad, oh it was soul crushing! he also would ignore me for long periods of time after we would have such wonderful times. it was so confusing and i was walking around in so much pain all the time. he would not commit. it was crushing and too scary to be in a relationship with him. i would protect yourself. hugs!

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 14, 2017 at 1:55 PM
He says I give him hope. What if i can help him? He seems to want to help himself now. Otherwise I wouldn't bother.

Quoting jules2boys:

I'd let this go until he's much more stable.  I couldn't hang onto a friendship like that, much less something deeper.  

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:00 PM
I have my own baggage, so I wouldn't try to maintain a relationship right now anyway. But... well, you understand. My feelings are too strong to ignore.

Quoting Anonymous 3:

yeah, that sounds so unstable that i wouldn't want him to mess with my emotions like that. i had an intense love like that before and when it was good, it was soooo good, but when it was bad, oh it was soul crushing! he also would ignore me for long periods of time after we would have such wonderful times. it was so confusing and i was walking around in so much pain all the time. he would not commit. it was crushing and too scary to be in a relationship with him. i would protect yourself. hugs!

owl0210
by Sapphire Member on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:02 PM
Leave it in the past. He left you without saying goodbye and only wants to see you for sex. Are you divorced yet?
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:03 PM

i think that's why me and this guy connected so deeply...we both had major issues and baggage. we thought we "got" each other. and we did! but his own baggage would not allow him to give me what i deserved. it was a roller coaster with him and i had to get off of it. i'm glad it didn't work out! i hear he is so depressed still years and years later and can't hold a job. what a life that would have been for me! no thanks!

Quoting Anonymous 1: I have my own baggage, so I wouldn't try to maintain a relationship right now anyway. But... well, you understand. My feelings are too strong to ignore.
Quoting Anonymous 3:

yeah, that sounds so unstable that i wouldn't want him to mess with my emotions like that. i had an intense love like that before and when it was good, it was soooo good, but when it was bad, oh it was soul crushing! he also would ignore me for long periods of time after we would have such wonderful times. it was so confusing and i was walking around in so much pain all the time. he would not commit. it was crushing and too scary to be in a relationship with him. i would protect yourself. hugs!


jules2boys
by on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:03 PM

Don't fall for that line of crap.  You aren't a therapist, you aren't HIS therapist.  HE needs to help himself or seek help from a professional before he can lean on someone else.  That's not how it works, leaning on a FWB then disappearing for long stretches.  You aren't getting the full truth.  

Quoting Anonymous 1: He says I give him hope. What if i can help him? He seems to want to help himself now. Otherwise I wouldn't bother.
Quoting jules2boys:

I'd let this go until he's much more stable.  I couldn't hang onto a friendship like that, much less something deeper.  


mama_danetta
by She's so heavy on Jul. 14, 2017 at 2:04 PM
Nope.
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