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DH shocked me today...*possible trigger*

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 52 Replies
We've been together 12 years, married 9 and today he opened up and told me he was sexually abused as a child by his great-uncle. He said he never told anyone because of the way his family is (totally understand... they wouldn't have seem him as a victim, but as a trouble maker. They're more than kind of screwed up).

I'm not really sure what to do. Counseling, obviously, but has anyone else ever dealt with anything like this with their husband?
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 4, 2017 at 1:38 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 4, 2017 at 1:40 AM
Yes, exdh was abused by his father and uncle, together. He was so fucked up from it he wound up being a SO himself. He molested our bio daughter.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 4, 2017 at 1:43 AM
Oh, wow. That's awful :( I'm sorry you and your daughter had/ have to deal with that.

Thankfully, DH hasn't done anything like that, but some of his personality quirks suddenly make sense.

Quoting Anonymous 2: Yes, exdh was abused by his father and uncle, together. He was so fucked up from it he wound up being a SO himself. He molested our bio daughter.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 4, 2017 at 1:43 AM

my husband was physically and mentally abused by his father but never sexually. I'm the one that dealt with sexual abuse by a family friend.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 4, 2017 at 1:49 AM
1 mom liked this
Sadly, he was also physically and mentally abused, too, by his parents. Honestly, it's shocking he's as normal as he is, given what he lived through as a kid.

I'm sorry you dealt with that :( Is there anything you've done that's helped? I don't think it's something that DH has ever dealt with at all, let alone properly.

Quoting Anonymous 3:

my husband was physically and mentally abused by his father but never sexually. I'm the one that dealt with sexual abuse by a family friend.

littlepinkrose
by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 1:49 AM
Ex was sexually abused by older teen boys in the woods. He tried to tell his,dad who thought he was,talking about Mom. And yelled "your mother would never do that." He stopped talking about it.
Most of his family does not believe he was abused. He had a bad addiction to pornography and would have sex with others in porno stores when we were married.
Part of why he is an ex. It just depends on the person. Everyone deals different.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 4, 2017 at 1:53 AM
Video games seem to be DH's outlet...I guess it certainly could be worse. Kind of makes me feel bad for getting mad at him for playing so much (he's never neglected the kids or work or anything, but he'll spend hours at night playing).

I feel bad that your ex didn't have anyone to support him :(

Quoting littlepinkrose: Ex was sexually abused by older teen boys in the woods. He tried to tell his,dad who thought he was,talking about Mom. And yelled "your mother would never do that." He stopped talking about it.
Most of his family does not believe he was abused. He had a bad addiction to pornography and would have sex with others in porno stores when we were married.
Part of why he is an ex. It just depends on the person. Everyone deals different.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Aug. 4, 2017 at 1:59 AM
How does he feel about it? Was he just telling you or was he upset?

My ex said a babysitter had sex with him when he was 11 or some sh*t. It was a wtf moment and I honestly wonder why he shared that info with me.

I know guys have feelings too and they can get raped.

Just tell him that you are sorry that happened to him.
littlepinkrose
by Gold Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:04 AM
Me too. He was only 9 yrs old when it happened. He has tried therapy, but says the memory and how everyone ignored him screwed him up. He even has trouble recalling and doubts himself.
He does see a therapist and takes meds for PTSD, and OCD. I hope your hubby can get proper help. At least it is only games. And yes before me my ex lost jobs due to his addiction. And his other ex-wife left because he,cheated and was not being a proper dad.
Never hurt the kids, but just not acting as a father should.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Video games seem to be DH's outlet...I guess it certainly could be worse. Kind of makes me feel bad for getting mad at him for playing so much (he's never neglected the kids or work or anything, but he'll spend hours at night playing).

I feel bad that your ex didn't have anyone to support him :(

Quoting littlepinkrose: Ex was sexually abused by older teen boys in the woods. He tried to tell his,dad who thought he was,talking about Mom. And yelled "your mother would never do that." He stopped talking about it.
Most of his family does not believe he was abused. He had a bad addiction to pornography and would have sex with others in porno stores when we were married.
Part of why he is an ex. It just depends on the person. Everyone deals different.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:13 AM
I've noticed that DH seems to have PTSD issues (he would get beaten by his dad for not doing chores properly and I've seen him flinch if I get too close to him while he's doing dishes or something) and anxiety, especially in social situations.

I've been wanting him to see a therapist for a while, but never dreamed that this was in his past, too.

Quoting littlepinkrose: Me too. He was only 9 yrs old when it happened. He has tried therapy, but says the memory and how everyone ignored him screwed him up. He even has trouble recalling and doubts himself.
He does see a therapist and takes meds for PTSD, and OCD. I hope your hubby can get proper help. At least it is only games. And yes before me my ex lost jobs due to his addiction. And his other ex-wife left because he,cheated and was not being a proper dad.
Never hurt the kids, but just not acting as a father should.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Video games seem to be DH's outlet...I guess it certainly could be worse. Kind of makes me feel bad for getting mad at him for playing so much (he's never neglected the kids or work or anything, but he'll spend hours at night playing).

I feel bad that your ex didn't have anyone to support him :(

Quoting littlepinkrose: Ex was sexually abused by older teen boys in the woods. He tried to tell his,dad who thought he was,talking about Mom. And yelled "your mother would never do that." He stopped talking about it.
Most of his family does not believe he was abused. He had a bad addiction to pornography and would have sex with others in porno stores when we were married.
Part of why he is an ex. It just depends on the person. Everyone deals different.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:13 AM

therapy helped some. I learned how to box and built my confidence back up and then the piece of crap who abused me died and honestly it was a very nice feeling when he croaked.

Quoting Anonymous 1: Sadly, he was also physically and mentally abused, too, by his parents. Honestly, it's shocking he's as normal as he is, given what he lived through as a kid. I'm sorry you dealt with that :( Is there anything you've done that's helped? I don't think it's something that DH has ever dealt with at all, let alone properly.
Quoting Anonymous 3:

my husband was physically and mentally abused by his father but never sexually. I'm the one that dealt with sexual abuse by a family friend.


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