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My dd just called and said my ex hit her. *Update here*featured post* kind of long. Sorry

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 67 Replies
4 moms liked this
So, after seeing so many opinions that didn't match mine, I ended up calling the hotline for my state.
I spoke anonymously with a social worker and laid it all out. Exactly what happened from the moment I picked up the phone to my dd, to when I finally hung up with her after it all was "settled."
I was honest because I wanted her expert opinion; which was, since it was a "first time offense" an investigation, which in this case would warrant a home visit to my ex's house would ensue.
A social worker would speak directly to my dd, alone, about the incident.
Someone else would speak with my ex husband.
The woman whom I spoke with told me that it all depended on what my daughter says and how she interpreted it. She said "personally" she wouldn't term it abuse because of the history. If it continued to happen, then she'd term it abuse. But that was her personal opinion.

So, I went and spoke with both my dd and my ex. I told him first exactly what I had learned and why I had called in the first place.
We decided together to tell her.
She was very mature about it and told us very plainly that neither of us has the right to hit her. (By the way, I couldn't be more proud of her for that)
We agreed.
She then followed that by saying that she should not have screamed in his face like that and that she understood why his reaction had been so extreme. (Her words)
She promised that she wouldn't scream at us and we promised that we'd never lay a finger on her in anger.

Some of you were super harsh, I've got to admit, but I think the majority of you were right.
I'm eating a portion of crow right now.

I spoke to my daughter alone after our conversation with my ex.
My apologized, and told her that she will NEVER get that reaction from me again. I assumed that because it was my ex, a man who can't kill a damn insect in the house, he has to bring it back outside to save, that it was somehow deserved because that was so extreme a reaction. But I told her that she will always be able to count on me. To have her back no matter what. That I'd be there in a heartbeat if she were to ever call me again in any similar situation.
I failed her.
I owned it.
She can and will count on me from now on!
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:18 PM

Sounds like you have got a handfull.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:19 PM
That is an excellent update. I'm glad you made the call.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:22 PM
Honestly, most people who hit their kids will never admit that they were wrong. I'm really glad that you listened to what was being said and decided to learn from it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:25 PM

Link to OP?

quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:28 PM

im glad you realized your ex was wrong.head injuries can occur at the least little thing and brain damage is serious..how would you have felt if she went on to have a seizure or something,your ex could have been in serious trouble..yes,she was wrong to yell at him but his reaction was so severe what she did gets lost in the shuffle..

81Crystal
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:34 PM
2 moms liked this
Thank you for the update. Not many people here will admit to a mistake. I know your daughter appreciates it.
quinnsmom715
by Ruby Member on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:41 PM

also,apology or not,i do think this affected her trust in you.dont be surprised when she stops sharing things with you or hides things..

MissAndree
by Nosuchthing on Aug. 4, 2017 at 2:42 PM
I agree with this, Op. Good for you.

Quoting 81Crystal: Thank you for the update. Not many people here will admit to a mistake. I know your daughter appreciates it.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Aug. 4, 2017 at 7:48 PM
I posted on your original post, I was not mean. I began my days coffee with it.

I have to say I'm speechless, impressed and want to give you an INTERNET CM ((((HUG))))!!!!!

I am elated you shared!!!! WOW!!!! And I'm elated positive lessons were learned!!!!

❤️👍😀💖

I can't say enough! Made my day woman!!!!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Aug. 4, 2017 at 7:50 PM
1 mom liked this
Bump!

Me agin, just because this is such a GREAT UPDATE!!!!
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