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I'm not a good mom.

Anonymous
Posted by Anonymous
  • 52 Replies
1 mom liked this
I have a SN 11 yo ds. I love him. I really really do. But I'm just not patient enough. Idk how to discipline him. I yell too much. The kicker, I'm the ncp and he has separation anxiety or something on top of his other issues. He has not stayed over night with me in years. It breaks my heart cause I know that his SM is a better mom to him than I am. I don't know what to do. My exh asked me once to sign over my rights. I can't do it. He is my baby and I am mommy. But I think I'm being selfish too.. I'm such a shit mom.

No point in this post tbh.
Posted by Anonymous on Aug. 8, 2017 at 9:55 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 9:56 AM
Yes, that's selfish!
Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 9:57 AM
Do whatever is best for the child.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 9:57 AM

You are in the right group based only on the title to this post.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 9:57 AM

I know exactly how you feel and feel the same way. Nothing I do works. My SN child acts like the devil sometimes but sometimes he's an angel. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm no good at this. 

alexmom529
by Platinum Member on Aug. 8, 2017 at 9:58 AM

It is clear that you love your son, but maybe it would be best to give up time- not your rights, but time just until you can get your frustration under control?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 6 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 9:59 AM
If you can't take care of him properly and dad and step mom can then he should be there. I understand not wanting to give over your rights but... If you can't handle him you can't.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:05 AM
I cry a lot. I was a better mom when he was a baby/toddler. Then exh and I split and he ran off with my baby (he was 3 but my baby) and the bond we had was irreparably damaged. I just want to know how to be a good mom to him. He is an amazing child. He really is but I can't get thru to him. His SN aren't that terrible. It's mostly a speech issue at home. He has apraxia of speech which makes it harder to communicate w him. But he does NOT listen. Every weekend he is over, he breaks my mds bed in some way. Mds is 5 today so still has a toddler bed. It's wooden. My 11yo will flop down in it and break the slats under the mattress. Yesterday he pushed the headboard and footboard out of whack but I was able to fix it. I'm just really stressed and I want to be a better mom. I know I'm not good at it but I WANT/NEED TO be a better mom.

Quoting Anonymous 5:

I know exactly how you feel and feel the same way. Nothing I do works. My SN child acts like the devil sometimes but sometimes he's an angel. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm no good at this. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:12 AM
I have him usually EOWE unless exh and SM have to work and no sitter during school breaks or whatever. I guess I'm just really stressed still cause I had him during the day Fri-Mon. He had a super shitty attitude the whole time. He wanted to see gpa and I wouldn't take him cause he wasn't listening at all. I don't know if I'm right in my thinking but I don't let his SN be used as an excuse to be impolite to anyone or being bad in general. Dh is hurting bc ds won't stay the night and he knows it upsets me a lot and dh can't fix it and make it all better. That man. Bless him, he tries so very hard to help with my ds but he doesn't understand that ds is different and things don't process correctly in his brain.
Sorry I'm rambling. I do love my goomba. (Don't ask lol I was 18 and in labor AWAKE for a week. That's the nickname I gave him the second he was born LOL)

Quoting alexmom529:

It is clear that you love your son, but maybe it would be best to give up time- not your rights, but time just until you can get your frustration under control?

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:13 AM

I'm so sorry. I get it. My child breaks a lot of things too and does not listen. Whispering, yelling, time out, spanking, NOTHING works! Nothing! He will put himself in time out when he does something bad. He does not care at all. This child will put me in an early grave. He once almost pulled me and himself off a cliff on an island but that's a whole other story, smh. If I ever figure out the secret to making them listen I will come back and let you know. Best of luck! I fear for his future. He is autistic and I fear someone will shoot him (because I've seen similar things on the news) or he'll end up in prison. 

Quoting Anonymous 1: I cry a lot. I was a better mom when he was a baby/toddler. Then exh and I split and he ran off with my baby (he was 3 but my baby) and the bond we had was irreparably damaged. I just want to know how to be a good mom to him. He is an amazing child. He really is but I can't get thru to him. His SN aren't that terrible. It's mostly a speech issue at home. He has apraxia of speech which makes it harder to communicate w him. But he does NOT listen. Every weekend he is over, he breaks my mds bed in some way. Mds is 5 today so still has a toddler bed. It's wooden. My 11yo will flop down in it and break the slats under the mattress. Yesterday he pushed the headboard and footboard out of whack but I was able to fix it. I'm just really stressed and I want to be a better mom. I know I'm not good at it but I WANT/NEED TO be a better mom.
Quoting Anonymous 5:

I know exactly how you feel and feel the same way. Nothing I do works. My SN child acts like the devil sometimes but sometimes he's an angel. I don't know what I'm doing. I'm no good at this. 


Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 - Original Poster on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:17 AM
That's why I don't try to do over nights anymore. Usually dad and sm will come get him if I get overwhelmed but this past weekend it was coupled w sleepless nights, me being sick, stress from mds bday party and idk if they gave him his meds bc he couldn't stay still at all. I have damage to my neck and shoulders and he will try to hang all over me and it causes excruciating pain. I try to explain it and so does dh but I don't think he understands.

Quoting Anonymous 6: If you can't take care of him properly and dad and step mom can then he should be there. I understand not wanting to give over your rights but... If you can't handle him you can't.
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