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Is it okay to grieve the living?

Posted by on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:37 AM
  • 15 Replies

So A lot of people have loved ones who have addiction issues and they know they are not going to get better. They might not loose hope that someday they will get better but they know it's unlikely. Is it okay to grieve that person as if they were already gone? 

Same for people dying of cancer or something you know they are going to die is it Do you think okay to start the process of grief before they are dead? 


I'm curious what people think.

by on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
redbottoms
by Ruby Member on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:39 AM
I think sometimes that is what you have to do.
Pink.Sunshine
by Petty Princess on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:42 AM
Some times that the only way cope
Anonymous
by Anonymous 1 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:43 AM
It's ok IMO. Everyone can set their own boundaries in that situation. My best friend is addicted to heroin, my brother is an alcoholic, and my father is addicted to morphine. I fully understand why someone would choose to mourn now, rather than hold onto hope and be shocked by that call.
Anonymous
by Anonymous 2 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:46 AM

I may not sure I understand the question here.  Grief is an emotion.  There aren't rules on what you're allowed to feel, or when you're allowed to feel it.

Grief is essential sadness over a loss.  But death isn't the only kind of loss.  You can grieve over the loss of a job or promotion.  You can grieve the end of a relationship (divorce, severing ties with a family member).  You can grieve the loss of your dreams and vision for the future (someone you love suffers a debilitating injury, or finds out they have a life-changing illness, or finding out your child has significant special needs . . . . or, like the example you gave, their life/future has been derailed by addiction).

Anonymous
by Anonymous 3 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:48 AM
I've grieved the loss of people who were still living, absolutely. Drug addicts can become completely different people, and I want nothing to do with them, I still miss the people they used to be.
mandapanda1987
by Amanada on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:52 AM

I did. My dad was dying of cancer. As soon as he was moved into hospice care, we knew it was the end. I started grieving before he died because he wasn't the same man. I think I grieved for every piece cancer took as it happened. He lived in hospice for 13 days before he passed away. 

Sometimes you just have to find a way to cope with the situation. That was my way. Grieving as it happened, rather than waiting. It didn't make it easier, by any means, but I think it prepared me a little bit. 

Anonymous
by Anonymous 4 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:52 AM
Yes. I grieved the loss of my grandma to dimentia long before she left the physical world.
AbbyWalsh
by Gold Member on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:52 AM
You're grieving the LOSS. Doesn't matter if the person is dead or alive. Even having a really close friend move away can be a source of grieving.

Brain_fart
by Platinum Member on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:54 AM
This. I've grieved the loss of relationships. Loss is loss.

Quoting AbbyWalsh: You're grieving the LOSS. Doesn't matter if the person is dead or alive. Even having a really close friend move away can be a source of grieving.

Anonymous
by Anonymous 5 on Aug. 8, 2017 at 10:55 AM
Of course it's okay. If it helps you cope- Do it.
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